Wednesday, October 22, 2008

What is worse - chafing or frostbite of the unmentionables? You be the judge.

I have found myself in a bit of a quandary as of late. A quandary that would confound the wisest of Egyptian kings. Sit back, relax and allow me to detail my vexing botheration.

Given the fact that after my pooping of the pants story and the fact that I really have nothing to hide anymore, I feel comfortable sharing this conundrum with my closest friends and closest strangers.

Approximately 6 months ago I began to jog without support. I mean, I was supported, but at the same time I wasn’t. Let me put it this way - I was without undergarments during my runs. I decided to go without the tighties for one reason alone: the chafing. The chafing was unbearable. All that sweat coupled with a dark humid place made for an infestation of chafes so raw, so red, one might compare it to the underside of Santa’s belly roll.

Once I freed myself from the confining grasp of underwear, I felt as though the chains had been removed. (Metaphorically of course... I did not actually have chains in my underwear. Chafing would have been the least of my worries.) I felt as though I could fly. The 'man' could no longer hold me down. I was a fluttering butterfly, but without butterfly underwear, or once again, chains.

I now realize that running without my under-britches may be a warm weather luxury. I generally run after the sun goes down and lately, during my final mile, I feel as though I may become frost bitten in the unmentionable areas. Wearing skivvies during my daily jog would certainly solve this problem. The goods become so frigid and painful down there that I am often forced to "hold" things, which becomes a bit embarrassing while running down 5600 South.

So the question becomes - frostbite or bloody chafing? I leave the topic on the table for the forum to discuss.


Anonymous said...

This is the anonymous marathoner who commented after your marathon (+ .1 mile)run. Get yourself some "Body Glide" It's the best stuff in the world and who ever invented it should be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Showers after your runs will no longer be painful as the chafing will be a thing of the past. Get it and you can wear some support again.

Heather and Jake said...

Both equally bad in different ways. Abe thanks for tagging Ike, so he could tag me!!:) Abe, who tagged you? Can you thank them for me and have them thank that person? I love doing backwards tag- is just so fun and fam-tastic!!:):)

Tammy said...

Gosh Abe. I don't have an opinion on this one. I'm trying not to think what it must be like for a guy to run "free". If it's anything like a girl running "free" on the upper half of her body it hurts me to even think about it!!

Good luck figuring out which is better for you!

sacdaddy said...

I'd go with the frost bite. Then I'd find an enjoyable way to warm things back up afterward.

Eric said...

Wow, that's a tough one. They're both bad, I'd choose neither.

I have finally found that good running shorts (from a running store - they're expensive $30-$40) with the built in liner don't chafe. I think anything else, including the traditional support they make you wear in high school PE, would chafe like a mother when you run long distances. Not to say that mothers chafe, well, you know what I mean.

For cold weather running, I'm usually in running pants and compression shorts. I think without two layers of clothing the unmentionables would get way too cold. I will run as cold as 15 degrees as long as the sun is out. I've even seen shorts or pants with "wind protection" where it matters for those extra cold runs.

Cheeseboy said...

Thank you anon and Eric for your expert running advice. I have tried Body Glide with limited success. I do need to just invest in some good running shorts like you said, I have just been too cheap. Maybe for Christmas.