You may not know this about me but I am a hypochondriac. I am a bad hypochondriac. So much so that I am a hypochondriac about being a hypochondriac. Ask my wife. It is really so bad that it has almost become a mental illness. Again, this is the absolute truth, ask my wife. I worry constantly about my health. Everyday an hour does not go by when I do not have some sort of health anxiety. It started on my mission when I swore I had a fungus on my tongue. It probably wasn't really a fungus or anything really. But I put scope in my mouth and left it there for a full half hour. I burned all of the skin off every part of the inside of my mouth and I could not eat solid food for almost a week.
Now, I realize that this will be a very funny list. It is to me now that I have read it over. But at the time these where all real ailments that I stressed about to no end. In the last 10 years, I have had the following health problems that I have worried continuously about (either real or imagined).
- Constant headache for a month (most likely brain tumor)
- Dizziness for a month (again, brain tumor)
- A crackling in the left ear when hearing a loud sound. (Most likely a broken ear drum from sticking a drum stick in my ear as a teenager and falling down the stairs, of course breaking my ear drum)
- Deviated septum - (ENT told me I had this at a recent visit)
- Heart murmur (doctor told me I had a slight one at at recent visit)
- Lump in my throat (most likely throat cancer, turns out it was just from my acid reflux)
- Burping up acid (again, acid reflux)
- Quick, sharp chest pains (Had this for years. I was even checked thoroughly for heart problems, which I was sure I had. Turns out it was just more acid reflux.)
- Tingling in my back. (No pain just tingling. I was sure I had MS.)
- MS - thought I had this on several occasions.
- Diarrhea - everyone has a case of this occasionally. I had it for a week once and thought for sure I had stomach cancer.
- Eyesight getting worse - I thought this was a symptom of having MS.
- Foot pain - now I know this is just from jogging so much, but it still hurt.
- Recent horrible rash on my back. I thought for SURE I had shingles. I still think I might have. Of course, it was probably just a rash. It hurt though. Of course, the rash combined with the tingling in my back could only mean one thing. SPINAL CANCER!
- Butt pain - I have been having this for about a week. Again, probably just from over-jogging, but it still does not stop me from continuously feeling for a lump.
- Pleurisy - OK, I actually did have this, twice, like 9 years ago. But I still worry about getting it again.
- Acid Reflux - Still battling this and I take medication for it.
- Small, reoccurring rash under my right eye. Went to a skin doctor, went away, but it comes back every so often. Most likely, skin cancer.
- One of my thumbs will no longer crack when I try to crack it. I think I might have arthritis in that thumb.
- All over body itching. Not sure what to attribute this to, but I am constantly scratching. What is weird is that my armpits itch the most??? Not sure what that is all about.
- I had bright green stool once. Totally freaked me out. Not sure how many times I typed in "bright green stool" into Google to see what in the world that was. I think I may have even typed in "neon stool" into a search engine. I guarantee no one that reads this blog has ever done a search for "neon stool" before.
HAHA - I am laughing now that I have typed all of that. Wow. The funny thing is that most of these symptoms can be attributed to stress. What am I stressed about? My health, of course! It is a vicious, vicious cycle.
The worst is when I get on the internet. The internet is a bad, bad place for hypochondriacs. I can search for hours about my symptoms and the more I search the worse the disease becomes. What's more, I am even worse when it comes to my kids. I could make a whole new list about what they may have had, but I will spare you. I will tell you that in the last week I was worried that Lincoln had a tumor pushing against his eyes and that was pushing extra eye mucus (sleepybugs) out of his eyes. I wish I was joking.