So... where did YOU get engaged?
(If you have never been engaged, pardon my uncouth, half-witted query)
Scouting the perfect engagement spot is quandary of every man and one man hath surpassed every man.
You see, I have this buddy that we shall call "Ty". We shall call him that because that is his name.
Ty put the rest of the world's men pathetic proposals to shame and got engaged in a hot air balloon. ("Hot air balloon" bolded for emphasis on the location of the proposal) Apparently, the deal needed sealing and the sealing needed to be done without ceilings. No woman can resist a hot air balloon proposal. It's like the Axe body sprays of proposals, but without the slimy residue and floozy, desperate girls. (Or maybe WITH the floozy girls, depending on the proposee)
However, the question I must ask is - what if she had said no? I've given this a lot of thought and the hot air balloon is the consummate proposal location UNLESS she says no. Then it becomes a bad idea; a harrowing, callous, cumbersome idea. (Use of thesaurus in full effect)
Here's how it COULD HAVE unfolded...
[Ty gets down on his knee]
Ty: So, I've been giving a lot of thought to our relationship...
Daphne: Oh no.
Ty: I love you.... (insert other sentimental BS a man would make up in order to score here)... Will you marry me?
Daphne: It's just that... I've been giving our relationship a lot of thought too.
Ty: Oh no.
Daphne: I just don't think we were meant for each other. It's not you, it's me.
Ty: So, what are you saying?
Daphne: I guess what I am saying is, no. No, I can't marry you.
[2 minutes of awkward silence pass as they both stare out at the countryside]
Daphne: It's beautiful up here.
Ty [sarcastically]: Yep. Only cost me $300.00.
Daphne: Oh. I'm so sorry.
Ty: No, it's no biggie. I'd pay thousands to have my heart ripped out of my chest.
Daphne: Oh. I'm sorry.
Ty: Sorry doesn't put the $300 back in my wallet, does it?
[2 more minutes pass]
Ty: Did you see 'The Office' the other night?
Daphne: OH YEAH! The one where Andy hits the wall.
Ty: No, I think that was like 4 seasons ago.
Daphne: It was?
Ty: Yeah, pretty sure.
Daphne: Oh, I must have been watching a rerun.
Ty: Yeah, TNT is running reruns now.
Daphne: "TNT, where drama happens." [nervous laughter]
Ty: You're thinking of TBS.
Daphne: Oh, that's right.
[Two more silent minutes pass]
Ty [To balloon operator]: How long is this ride anyway?
Balloon man: You sign up for two hour ride.
Ty: Two hours? Really? Oh.
[Two more awkward minutes pass]
Ty: Could you just land it in that field over there?
Balloon man: Nah, not where de pickup zone is.
Ty: Can you just drop ME off in that field over there then?
Balloon man: No can do. We have a limited supply of balloon juice to keep us afloat.
Ty: You just made that up, didn't you?
Balloon man: Yep.
[Two more awkward, silent minutes]
Ty [To balloon man]: Has anyone ever fallen out of a balloon this high and survived?
Balloon man: Don't know.
Ty: Has anyone ever fallen out of a balloon at any height and survived?
Balloon man: You no like-a de ride? (Apparently the balloon man is Italian. And also from a bad Saturday Night Live skit)
Ty: - Sigh - No. The ride is fine. How much longer?
Balloon man: De ride dis only hour and a half longer.
Daphne: I'm so sorry.
Ty: [Head bent over the side, weeping]: It's not you, it's me.
Balloon man [laughing]: That's what she said!
Ty: [sniff] WHAT?
Balloon man: I wacha de Office last night too.
LESSON: Unless you are 100% positive she will say yes, never propose in a hot air balloon. This rule also goes for a submarine, cave tour and a jail cell.