Hey there son - come on over here and pull up a seat, or a bean bag chair, or the carpet. It's time you and I had THE chat.
No, not where babies come from.We'll go over that when your 30.
Now look son, I know you are mesmerised by the bright allure and enormous wooden bears in the windows of the Build-A-Bear Workshop. We ALL are, son. It's spellbinding, but there are things you need to know about that place; secret things that they don't want you to know.
I know, the entry looks so welcoming, and you are greeted by those two teenage goth girls with rings through their noses. They are pretending to be well-intentioned Disney cast members holding sewing needles. Those girls are not as nice as they look. I think they might really be vampires. They don't want to tell you that because who is going to buy stuffed animals from vampires?
I know, you're right... other vampires.
Here's another thing son: Build-A-Bear sucks you in and trains you to work for "THE MAN". Who's "the man", you ask? It's your future boss if you start buying bears at the workshop.
You see, Build-A-Bear is simply an energized, youthful assembly line. Really, it's a training course in how to build simple goods. They're trying to trick you into seeing the benefits of such simple minded work. Filling a stuffed bear today, filling Twinkies with cream tomorrow. Pushing a button today for button eyes today, pushing a button for button fly jeans tomorrow. It's all an evil game to these folks.
Have I confused you son? Well let me give you some other examples.
Do you know where stuffed animals USUALLY come from? No? Singapore. And do you know WHO is usually putting these stuffed animals together? No?
Singaporean orphan children.
They make a penny per bear, and a penny goes a long way in Singapore; that is how they buy their soup to survive. For every bear you make at Build-A-Bear, a starving orphan in Singapore goes hungry. Do you want to feel responsible for hungry orphans?
Listen son, if you can get over the training for monotonous shift work and the hungry orphans in Singapore, there is also the problem of the price of the bears. Let's see... the initial bear costs about $32.00. The clothing is at least $40.00. That's $72.00 for an 8 inch bear and an outfit made of plastic.
Do you realize you can get 72 stuffed animals at the Dollar Tree for $72.00? Why that's only 50 cents a bear!
How about this? How about I go get one of your old teddy bears and rip it apart? I'll get the needle and thread and you can go at it. It will be like Re-Build-A-Bear.
I don't mean to fill you with gloom and doom, son. I suppose there is some hope. You know the Andersons, up the street? They are loaded. They might even have a Wii! You should become friends with little Sarah Anderson. I bet she goes to Build-A-Bear for her HALF birthday parties! She probably takes friends to Build-A-Bear as a birthday party WARM UP!
So son, do you see why we can never set foot in a Build-A-Bear SWEATSHOP? I know it's tough, but I hope you understand.
What do you mean you wanted something called a "Webkinz"? How much do they cost?
Really? Why you can have two of them.