Monday, April 5, 2010

Leeds, Utah: A place to get anything and everything you'll ever need for a birthday party.

There are unfortunate tragedies in the life of a teacher, one of which is the end of spring break. We spent the weekend at the home of my in-laws in vacuously sublime, backwardly bizzare Leeds, Utah.

Leeds is a small town, just 10 miles North of St. George. The town is so small, for fun, the folks there tie up their cattle to the back of their four-wheelers and take them for lovely jaunts around town.

I feel compelled to show you something I spotted while jogging one brisk Leedsy eve. I spotted this parked truck and had to come back to snatch a picture.

Hm, paintballs, violins AND FOOD STORAGE?! This is a dream company come true! Definitely time to call them up...

Hello? Yes, I was wondering if you have paintballs? My son is having a birthday party in a couple months and he enjoys shooting people in the face with paint.

Why yes. Yes we have paintballs.

We also want to ensure that the losers are serenaded to Schubert's "Death and the Maiden" as they walk off the battlefield.
You don't happen to know where we could get some violins, do you?

Okay. Well, we have violins.

NO WAY! And we already bought the cake. You don't have a way to store it, do you?

Why yes. In fact we do!

Your business... why, I'm just going to say it: It's some sort of genius operation you've got there!

We do have the very best for your paintball/violin/food storage needs.

I'll be darned if you don't. I'll be sure to refer you to all my friends.

Goodbye dear chap!

(I always end my phone conversations with "dear chap". It's refreshingly charming and makes me sound like I run a veterinarian clinic in the English countryside. If there's one thing I've learned in my 33 years of life it is this: no one hates a charming English bumpkin with a love for healing country livestock and the like.)


Connie said...

I guffawed while reading your post. It's a good think I wasn't drinking something sticky at the time!
I can imagine the person who owns that truck has lots of write-offs come tax season.

Too bad your spring break is over!

Babe in Boysland said...

That is the BEST truck EVER. But I promise you I can beat that. I'm going to add a post to my blog right now to prove it...

Good day dear chap.(should I start call you James Herriot?)

Heather and Jake said...

Their business is really located on Bluff?

Tgoette said...

Funny post! That truck is a trip! What an unusual combination of services. Maybe he should also offer daycare too! Sounds like a natural. LOL!

Bossy Betty said...

Love that truck! What a combo of businesses!

Melinda said...

I totally get what you're talking about, my grandparents live in Toquerville, ya know right by Hurricane and LaVerkin. (You have to say Hurricane: Herrikin--you HAVE to.) And you're not kidding that the people there are weirdos. Especially my grandparents.

Beth said...

I do so appreciate you, my good chap! You are a gift to those of suffering a comedy shortage in our day to day lives! :)

Tammy said...

Hilarious Abe! I've never seen anything out of the ordinary in Leeds so I'll have to keep my eyes open next time we go!

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

All in that little truck? Where does the driver sit?
Thanks for sharing this silliness.

Sco said...

You've got to call them during business hours, though. I just called them to leave a nice fake voicemail, but to no avail. I imagine someone in Leeds just woke up (cell phone at the side of the bed) thinking "who in blazes needs to store a cake for their paintball birthday party at this hour?!"

DeNae said...

I actually have their business card. No lie. A friend visited their shop and brought me home their card. I love the idea of starting a business by looking around the house and choosing to sell the first three things you clap eyes on.

Noelle said...

You make me laugh...every single time. I want to live somewhere where I can take my cow for a would be a dream come true!

Queenie Jeannie said...'s not boring there!!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Hilarious! I love these small towns. I mean, last year? I was hit by a driver who's vehicle advertised Deer Estrus. Really!? Awesome blog!

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Ha ha ha! Now why didn't I think to start a business like that? Sheesh, I can be so slow sometimes.
And I would have LOVED if there were violins playing when I had to walk off the paintball field! Especially the time my brother shot me twice in the bum, once on each cheek.

Melinda said...

Seriously dude, you would vote my post as most disgusting? I just read your "time you pooped your pants while jogging post"...and wow. THAT WAS HYSTERICAL!!! I haven't laughed that hard in months, I'm not kidding--hilarious!!

I Wonder Wye said...

I had to come by after seeing your 'cheeseboy' pic and comment on the zit-popper site, and I'm glad I did -- you are funny. Yes, the company you found that 'does it all' is genius. I suppose in a tiny town like that one really must carve out a niche.....

Cheeseboy said...

@ Connie - My goal in life is to make people guffaw. Glad I could accompany you.

@ Babe - Yes, your truck wins. No doubt. But, it brings new meaning to the phrase "horny in the back sat of a SUV"

@ Heather - Yes. Bluff.

@ Tgotte - I think the daycare was actually going on in the back of the truck at the time. At least I heard crying.

@ Bossy - It's the combination that makes it funny.

@ Melinda1 - Heriken is right around the corner. I think they take their pigs out for walks there though.

@ Beth - Thanks! And I don't know how to say "My good chap" to women.

@ Tammy - Well, most of the time nothing happens. Unless the violin/paintball/food storage guy is in town.

@ Rawkn - I think the driver sits on the soup cans.

@ Scott - Did you really call them?

@ DeNae - I am honored that you commented. Thanks! Further... I can't believe you own their business card. I am insanely jealous.

@ Noelle - Thanks and... You have a cow?

@ Queenie - Truth be told, most of the time it is very boring there. Except when I'm in town. then the party begins.

@ Sarah - Deer Estus?! I'd google it but I am too lazy.

@ Serene - I know... IT IS SO OBVIOUS!

@ Melinda II - Oh yes. I forgot about the pooping of the pants. I think I win.

@ I Wonder Why - Are we calling Melinda's blog "the zit popper site" now? Cause I could really roll with that.

tammy said...

Almost like the hearse/ice cream truck my boys are wanting us to buy.

Teachinfourth said...

I went to Leeds INTENTIONALLY after watching "Passage to Zarahelmla" a year or two ago. I actually got a few nice photos, but you're right…it's quite the backwards little town.