Sunday, April 18, 2010

The monster room in my church. (It's next to the nursury.)

There is a holding room where they keep all the monsters in my church building.

The room holds 17 monsters. All 17 monsters in the room are very, very mean. They all have long, scraggly teeth.

One of the monsters has teeth like a shark and can bite a person in half. One of the monsters can swallow a small boy whole - just like that.

One really hairy monster likes to give four year old's haircuts; long, drawn out haircuts, using nothing but it's teeth and some old, rusted clippers.

There are three green, wet monsters that take all of your church treats away and replace them with gummy slime that tastes like mashed pickles.

Some monsters in the monster room will never stop scaring you. They follow you around forever.

There is no way out of the monster room.

There is only one key to the monster room and the Bishop gives it to a parent with a child that is not being reverent. HE HAS GIVEN ME THAT KEY! ARE YOU READY TO GO?

- This is exactly what I whispered to my four year old during church services today after I pulled him from under the pews for the 8th time as he was singing about Spiderman in his loudest voice. It worked... for a little while.


Kristina P. said...

What is your story about Santa?

Vanessa said...

I actually thought you were explaining the nursery. That is how ours sounds, at least.

tammy said...

Wonder if I could use that on my 13 year old?

Bumpkin on a Swing said...

This is hilarious, I can see the look on his face as you tell him of the monsters. Too cute, thanks for stopping by the swing.

Anonymous said...

awwww now he'll have nightmares forever!! I still think monsters are under my bed! hehe

Lori said...

All I have to say these days is, "If you don't stop're not playing the DS today." Not as fun as your monster story, but it works.

Connie said...

Spiderman, Spiderman, goes wherever a spider can....I'd LOVE to see that room!

That Bishop holds all the keys, doesn't he?

Teachinfourth said...

Crud, maybe this is why I don't enjoy church…I'm having memory recall of the Monster Room (not to be confused with Room 222, Room with a View, or even Romper Room).

Thanks for reminding me of this place…guess I won't be sleeping tonight.

Pedaling said...

now, i would say,
THIS is the perfect post for a sunday! :)

Lana@The Kids Did WHAT?! said...

Dude... I'm loving your style! I just might have to try this out... I'll have 'proof' too! "Hey kids! Check out this article I read on the internet".. Oh yes. *snicker snicker*
Thanks! ;P

järnebrand said...

Scary stuff. Here's the reason I don't go to church... /Jo.

ScoMan said...

Hahaha I love it. Shame it didn't work for longer though. I would have thought a story like that would be good for at least two weeks.

Mamma has spoken said...

Hehehe, sorry to tell you this, but it only works for a short amount of time. Before long, they want proof of such a room. I know, I've been there before....

Queenie Jeannie said...

Love it!!

This beats the evil clown that lives under the bathtub, who eats children who cry when their hair is being washed/rinsed!!

The Empress said...

Oh, wonderful, you well adjusted mama! I won't tell you the awful stuff my mom would tell us in church. But this story pales in comparison.

Good job, desperate times, desperate measures.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Ha! I am SO using that next week!

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

I give you an A for effort! (That comment is directed at your adorably devious son. Please read it to him.) Great, amusing post as always, Cheeseboy!
Thanks for your sweet comments on my blog, and feel free to keep looking out for me.

Copyboy said...

Being from the jewish faith I am always interested in hearing the inside scoop about Church. I know about the pew, and that's about it.

Hutch said...

That definitely would have worked on me as a kid, I'd like to think I'm not that gullible now. Maybe?

Melinda said...

You are definitely a 1st grade teacher, and have read enough children's books, this totally sounds like one! I wish my son was old enough to use this on, he is AWFUL during sacrament!

p.s. Maybe you should write a children's book, I would definitely buy it!!

Nancy C said...

Love it. My kid would say, "But it's not boring there. Monsters are more fun."

TS Hendrik said...

HAHAHA! That is hilarious.

Robin said...

BwHahahah..What little boy doesnt love green, wet, slimy hubs still loves them, he uses them to scare me though..and they come in the form of boogers..and he chases me with them..!

GrammyMouseTails said...

Are U really sure you were not talking about the nursery room ( or as I remember it being called "the crying babies room") You know now he will act up on purpose to go check out the monsters... they are really little boys in disguise.

Lindzena said...

BRILLIANT. You should write a baby book. One of those children instruction-guides.

MiMi said...

I bet if I said that to my kids they would NEVER want to go to church again! :)
It reminds me of last week when we told the kids we'd put the spider we just killed back in their room if they didn't be quiet.

Beth said...

OH my goodness! You are BAD! Funny as all get out but bad! :)

Jillybean said...

I really wish I had known about the monster room when our second son was little. However, knowing him at the time, he would have just offered to beat the crap out of the monsters.

Lene said...

I already have a key to the library... now I really need a key to the monster room for my 3 yr old.

mama-face said...

and I know exactly what you're talking about. It's a small world after all. ;-)

I'm your newest I too late for the vlog from the dumpster?

Mary said...

We used to tell my nephew that there was secret security in all stores that would take him away if he misbehaved...we would even find the scariest looking guy and point him out. This worked for MANY years :o)

Unknown Mami said...

I think you should turn this into a children's book.

Cheeseboy said...

@ Kristina - Normally your comments are great, but I have no idea what you are talking about.

@ Venessa - Yes, after you mentioned it, it does fit the description.

@ Tammy - Sorry, I doubt it.

@ Bumpkin - His face was more of inquiry than fear. I think it just kept him entertained for a while, rather than frightening him into behaving.

@ Niki - He already has nightmares and monsters under his bed. That's why I thought this would work.

@ Lori - Yes, but Calder shows no interest in the DS. You are thinking of my other one.

@ Connie - LOL!

@ Teachinfourth - The monsters steal our memories before they release us. None of us can remember it.

@ Pedaling - Well, probably not as good as yours was.

@ Lana - Love to be of assistance in raising kids. Just don't have them read the breast augmentation post.

@ Jarnbrand - Ah, don't let a little monster room stop you.

@ ScoMan - Yes, I am sure he has forgotten it already.

@ Mama - yeah at the end he just wanted to see the room.

@ Queenie - Oh wow. Clowns would be WAY scarier.

@ Empress - you still think I am a women, eh? It's all good.

@ Sara - Feel free.

@ Rawkn - He appreciates it.

@ Copyboy - The pew is what the monsters chew on when no one is there.

@ Hutch - I doubt you are that gullible. Did I have you going for awhile?

@ Melinda - Kids are NEVER too young to scare into good behavior.

@ Nancy C - your son is more brave than mine.

@ TS - thanks.

@ Robin - how old is your husband?

@ Grammy - as always, you are a wise Grammy.

@ Lindzena - I have thought about writing a children's book someday. Maybe this is the plot I have been looking for.

@ Mimi - Can I use that spider thing?

@ Beth - Sometimes you have to be bad to get your kid to shut the heck up.

@ Jillybean - My son is similar. I think he was ready to Spiderman chop them up.

@ Lene - Ask the bishop. Or the clerk might have one.

@ mama-face - Vlog to come Thursday or Friday. Stay tuned!

@ Mary - I am definitely using that.

@ Mami - After thinking about it, I am not really into Christian fiction.

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Hmmmm... do you think I can borrow this for my four-year old? There's only so many times I can chase him down the halls of the church in 5 inch heels while he screams at the top of his lungs, "I DON'T WANNA BE A SUNBEAM! I DON'T WANNA BE A SUNBEAM!"

Kimi said...

Wait wait singing about Spiderman in Sacrament meeting is considered irreverant. Ah man! I suppose that when I mouth the word "Watermelon" over and over instead of singing that would get me tossed in the monster room too.

Love it!

imbeingheldhostage said...

I do love your parenting style.

Loretta Valenta said...

I am just wondering who it is that keeps checking that your blog posts are "weird" -- As for me and my house, we quite enjoy your humor!

Powdered Toast Man said...

I want to see the monster room!

Did you vote on the Battle of The Game Show Hosts: 1st round? If not, go to 'Just the Cheese' to cast your vote.

Anonymous said...

I am impressed that you used the word reverant and he seemed to understand or even care.
Personally, I spent a lot of time in that room at his age, and then again with my son. We learned a lot from those monsters.