Thursday, July 9, 2009

Please, breastfeed in public. (I am NOT a sexist pig!)

Hey ladies, I am all for breastfeeding, even in public. It's normal, natural and beautiful and if you want or need to do it, I've totally got your back (because your front is clearly taken).

In fact, I am a card carrying member of the Public Breastfeeding Association, but I am still not sure what my yearly $35 fee is going to.

The reason I bring this up is that yesterday I watched a woman walk down our street while breastfeeding at the same time! I was not disgusted or offended, just amazed that she could multitask. I can't even walk and chew at the same time.

So ladies, if you feel the need to feed, by all means feed. Heck, put a blanket over yourself, or don't, I really don't care. Just leave your shirt on. I don't think we need a bunch of topless women walking around the valley... or do we?!

I once went to a BYU football game (not sure why) and within my peripheral vision I could see three women breastfeeding (not each other). One woman was breastfeeding and reading a novel at the same time. Another was breastfeeding and crocheting. Nevermind that there was an actual football game going on. The funny thing is that the babies were probably getting more caffeine from the 64 ounces of Diet Coke their moms drank earlier in the day than was available in the entire stadium.

I think that I have mentioned the lady that sits in front of us at church and breastfeeds. Yes, she uses a blanket, but it was a little awkward when the deacon passed her the microphone to bear her testimony and we could all hear slurping sounds. I have to admit, I am a bit jealous of these babies. I'd LOVE to have a milkshake to eat during sacrament meeting. In fact, I think that I am going to recommend to the bishop that for the next father's day, instead of the usual candy bars, they bring us fresh Iceburg milkshakes. And they bring them to us right after sacrament so we may enjoy the rest of the meeting.

When I told a friend of mine about the walking/breastfeeding woman on our street, she told me that she actually has a sister that breastfeeds WHILE SHE DRIVES! I thought that was really odd. How in the world does she get her breast to stretch all the way to the back seat?! Her breasts must look like those long, clown balloons that they make balloon animals out of.

I was reading a study that said that ten out of ten Pediatricians recommend breastfeeding. Apparently, it is really healthy for babies. I was breastfed and you can see how wonderful I turned out. In fact, scientists have asked for some of my DNA so they may clone me for future generations to enjoy. (By "scientists" I mean this guy sitting on the park bench that swears he's a scientist. And I wondered why the cotton swab was already wet BEFORE he shoved it up my nostril.)

My dad was not breastfed and we all know how he turned out.

Here's an oddity that I have often contemplated: Human milk is really healthy for human babies until cow's milk is better for them. And cow's milk is really healthy for baby cows. But what if, during a cow's life, human milk would actually be better for them? Why are we withholding human breast milk from the cows? Could it be that we are frightened that the cows will soon become a super-species to rival humans and eventually kill us off? Can't we just give breast milk to a single toddler cow? Duh scientists, one super-species cow is not going to kill us all.

So women, continue on with the breastfeeding and the complete nurturment of your children. It is completely legal in every state. And if you can do more than one thing at once, more power to you.

20 comments:

Stacy said...

laugh out loud!Too bad I'm done having babies!

Stacy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Clark said...

Boy I learned something today. I didn't know I was not breastfed. No wonder I am such a meat and potato guy.
Abe's Dad

The Quist's said...

OH my gosh! I am soooo sicked out! I hate nursing women that do it in public! Let alone one doing it down our street while walking- did you say she was covered? & what the heck was that lady thinking to do it while she is driving that should be illegal! Please don't tell me who it was or else she will have daggers flowing at her from me! Also, the lady in our ward should use the mother's lounge for crying out loud that is why it is in every church with a speaker! I have to admit this did have me laughing because you are sooooo funny and clever! I actually started to gag when you said "milk shakes" oh for the love, Abe! In my world it is going to be women free of the animal similarities. Also, my pediatrian actually told me the formula is now designed to be better in some vitamin areas and the first stuff is all they really need if anything! My kids are smart & well...I'll stick the bottle, therefore I won't be grosing out any Daphne's in the world! I'm really sick to my stomache now...thanks! :)

Tammy said...

I was not a breastfeeding mom and my kids seem to be very healthy. My pediatrician also said what the Quist's dr said about some formulas being more healthy than breast milk.

Cheeseboy said...

Dad - Hasn't grandma told you the story of why she didn't breastfeed?! I swear I've heard that one at least 5 times.

I hope you know I was totally kidding too. I think everyone is in agreement that you turned out great.

Gardner said...

The Lady driving whil breastfeeding.....I am sorry that is so not a good idea. I worry about getting in an accident and Hayden is in his car seat. A baby being breastfed between me and the steering wheel, not a good idea.

OH and I was about to comment that Daphne needs to read this...but I realized she already did.

brermomo said...

Hey! Would you please delete this comment like you did the one before. I've always wanted to have a comment deleted. What do I have to write to have it deleted?

Cheeseboy said...

Margaret - "This post has been removed by the author."

I didn't delete it. Whomever wrote it did... or is it whoever?

I'd be happy to delete your comment still, if you would like.

brermomo said...

Aw, shucks! I was hoping it was a really scurrilous or offensive post and you had to delete it. Then I was going to ask you what it said and you would have to write it out again. What a dillema for you! Oh well. Why doesn't it even tell us who that author was. Hmmm....I wonder what he/she said that he/she didn't want us to read. I'm going to be thinking about this all night. Hmmm...

Cheeseboy said...

I know Margaret - it doesn't even allow ME to see who the author was. Just some anonymous user that came on, wrote something, thought better of it and then deleted.

I'm thinking it is someone that REALLY hates breastfeeding.

Lindsey V said...

If you click on the title of your post and then scroll down, you can see who wrote a deleted post.

Sometimes people's comments post twice so they delete one of them. That's what it looks like happened.

Claire said...

I'll be nice & not turn this into a debate, but there is no way in hell bottle feeding will ever be remotely close to as good as breastmilk, sorry lady who commented above me =P
I've been nursing for almost 4 years now, I nursed through a pregnancy & tandem nursed. I however, don't nurse while driving, thats not safe, but I HAVE sat in the back seat & mutilated myself to lean over a crying, safely seated & strapped in baby ;)
I've got some hilarious stories of my own multi tasking, while nursing & I love this entry. I dont often come across breastfeeding thoughts & articles I like, but especially for being man written, this is top notch!
Thanks for coming by my blog, I was all "Queso man?? Ooohh" (then I got hungry)I'll be delightfully checking out your blog, hopefully my boobs stay in check, those milk mongers have a mind of their own.. muuaaahhh haaaa haaa!!

the mama monster said...

just found your blog through my friend krista. your hilarious. my mother in law used to breast feed and drive at the same time. scary. but i have leaned over the carseat and very akwardly and painfully nursed my newborn on a trip to cali from utah. and like another poster said, sorry but there is no way that formula is better.

the mama monster said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mighty M said...

I like how you think! Did you hear about that breast milk cheese that was made not too far back??

Corrina Terry said...

I'm scrolling through your '09 favorite posts and this one caught my eye. Hilarious!!!! I am wiping tears off of my eyes!!!!! I poke fun at the breastfeeders in public, but a BYU football game?!?!? Maybe I shouldn't be surprised. I graduated from there and saw plenty of weirder things.

Tree said...

Ahhh yes....but can they breastfeed twins AND play Scrabble at the same time? ;) (I can LOL)

Emmy said...

Glad I came back and read this post, hilarious! And hey let's just lay it on the line, I think most men don't object to women nursing in public, especially if they are hot women. It is the women who don't want their husbands looking at the hot women that object. ;)

Stacy Q said...

The title of this caught my eye...
I saw a woman walking while breastfeeding the other day, and it stunned me. I could barely do it sitting still on the couch, let alone moving around.

I would if I could have, though.

I might have been more open about it, but a friend of mine's husband went all pale on me once when I even brought up breastfeeding as a topic so I decided to keep things more private.
But not in the car. When they say "meals on wheels" I don't think that's what they mean.