Sunday, July 12, 2009

An open letter to the two dogs that live three houses up from me

Dear two little barky, yappy dogs that live four houses up the street,

I hate you and your barky-bark guts!

I know, I know, you can't read English - or human.

But seriously, could you shut the @$%! up already? (@$%! = "heck", but I didn't want to offend anyone, thus the use of these signs)

Honestly, you've see me every day for five years. If I was going to kill you, I would have done it by now. Keep up the yapping and I may just change my mind. Don't think I haven't thought of ways...

I have. Seriously, I want you both dead.

You are not cute - you are the Bachelorettes of the dog world. (The newest Bachelorette too - What I am trying to say is that she is ugly - like you) You are not breed worthy - even a Pug wouldn't smell your butt. And you will just not shut up! In fact, I can hear you jabbering away right now. It's grating, like listening to Kathy Lee Gifford and that gal from "The Nanny" argue over ice cream.

I don't mind dogs, really I don't. I just hate you. I think I have a friend in the dog Mafia. We can make this as clean or as dirty as you want.

The thing is, I generally like dogs. Good dogs. I know good dogs. I've seen them behaving. You are not good dogs. You're bad dogs. Bad dogs!

If only you understood talkings of humans. You'd know I hate you. I hate you and your flea-bagged guts.

Your friend (if you stop barking),



Gardner said...

Well I am sure we don't make it easier when we walk Sadie up and down your street. We get the whole neighborhood going. Sorry.

they are annoying dogs. I agree.

Tammy said...

Kathy Lee Gifford and "The Nanny" has got to be one of the WORST combinations!!

Loved this post! Funny!! Maybe because I'm a dog lover but I discriminate. I only like really big dogs! That is one ugly dog you found for your post picture.

Doug said...

I'm cheap!!! It will be quick and painless and no one will know as there will be no paper trails on the internet.

Traci said...

We are surrounded by dogs on all sides- to the left, right, across the street and behind us. It makes me crazy. How long will my next door neighbor's THREE dogs continue to bark at us when we go into the backyard? Honestly. We lived here before 2 of those 3 did. (also, in regards to an earlier post... I got the whole story from my dad, in then event that you really do want it.)

Cheeseboy said...

Mel - We are in agreement on the annoying dogs on our street. FYI - Sadie is not an annoying dog.

Doug - I think I found somebody that will "take care of things" for me. Thanks though.

Traci - I really feel for you, with the dogs and all. But no worries on the rest of the story. Tyler Jess. gave us the lowdown on it all.