Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Our house... is haunted. (I mean this)

Raise your hand if you have had an old man commit suicide within the confines of your home.

Why am I the only one with my hand in the air?

We were at a dinner party with some friends when it was "accidentally leaked" that the old lady that previously owned our house had a husband that killed himself. He was old and feeble, but his death was not naturally caused - and it was not naturally caused in our house. I'll tell you one thing he's not doing and that's housework. Am I right ladies? (By "ladies" I mean Cathi)

Our dinner guest friends would not provide us with any further details, other than some of them had been called over the day after it happened to "clean up the mess". I'm not sure what the chosen method of death was, but no wonder the wallpaper in Lincoln's room was so hard to get off!

It is also unknown if he was smuggling American Indian trinkets. (I apologize for that one)

So, our house is haunted. This old fart roams our halls in his half-robe and listens to talk radio in our basement. How do I know this? What else would the old, dead jackrabbit be doing in our house all day?

I have never actually had a conversation with "Tom", but I have told him to tie up his stinking robe. And if you were going to commit suicide, why do it in a robe? I'd at least put on one of those tuxedo tee shirts. That way, when they found me lying on the floor, they would say, "Well, at least he dressed for it." And I would still be comfortable. Makes perfect sense.

I wonder how long "Tom" is planning on staying. I hope that he doesn't mind that I am pulling out his pink bathtub and sink. I hope he will at least stay until Christmas. He always does such a superb job in our family's annual reenactment of "A Christmas Carol".

Oh, and thanks neighborly neighbors for informing us of this gruesome news. Thank you for not telling us what room this occurred. I guess I really don't need to know any of the gory details.

If anyone needs to borrow a headless, mini-robed, old man ghost to scare your friends for a weekend, just let me know.


Traci said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Traci said...

Oops- sorry, I had previously left a comment without reading the rest of your blog post. My parents lived in the ward when it happened, and I've known the gory details since first lived there when the previous owner was still alive. Anyway, thank goodness I read the rest of your post, because I had left a comment with some of the details. But if you really want any info, I can tell you...

Cheeseboy said...

Too late Traci! I already read it. I will never be able to poop in peace again!

(Seriously, it's okay)

sacdaddy said...

what about the rest of us? Sure we don't live there, and therefore don't have a vested interest, but now our interest level has escalated.

We, loyal cheesehead blog followers (and I think I'm speakng for everyone, including the Ogden Credit Union Ladies, and the Mormon Mom Blog/classroom mothers out there) demad the details. We wanna know. We wanna know.

Tyler and Lyndsay said...

We agree with sacdaddy. I had no idea this happened!!! Now we're totally intrigued. But I need more details to PROVE that it's haunted. You haven't given any examples of things that happen, etc. So how are we not supposed to know it's all just an early Halloween scare?!?

Lindsey V said...

I guess the bathroom would be the easiest place to clean up. Just because he did that though doesn't mean he is still haunting. Maybe he has moved on toward the light.

(Am I seriously the only one who loves cats?) (from your poll)

Cheeseboy said...

Okay everyone... apparently the "deed" was done in the bathroom. It would have been an easy cleanup, you would think, but when we moved in, the bathroom was carpeted.

Steve, as for HOW it happened, I am still awaiting Traci's report. I'm guessing with a lead pipe.

As for EVIDENCE that our house is haunted, I have none. EXCEPT for the fact that Calder is ALWAYS telling us he sees ghosts! But that could also be because he "accidentally" watched parts of Ghostbusters with Lincoln once and it may have got in his head.

Cheeseboy said...

Oh, and Linsey - Cats?! Really??? At least there are two votes now.

Ike said...

This is the exact and only reason I built my house!

Tim and Clarissa said...

You know when you renovate a house that tends to bring more ghost activity! It seems to stir up the spirits and they start to visit more. Good luck, maybe you will get to meet Tom.

Cheeseboy said...

Clarissa - I am afraid that you could be right. It's okay I need to ask Tom a few questions.

BTW, nice to see you here again. Thanks for commenting.