Raise your hand if you have had an old man commit suicide within the confines of your home.
Why am I the only one with my hand in the air?
We were at a dinner party with some friends when it was "accidentally leaked" that the old lady that previously owned our house had a husband that killed himself. He was old and feeble, but his death was not naturally caused - and it was not naturally caused in our house. I'll tell you one thing he's not doing and that's housework. Am I right ladies? (By "ladies" I mean Cathi)
Our dinner guest friends would not provide us with any further details, other than some of them had been called over the day after it happened to "clean up the mess". I'm not sure what the chosen method of death was, but no wonder the wallpaper in Lincoln's room was so hard to get off!
It is also unknown if he was smuggling American Indian trinkets. (I apologize for that one)
So, our house is haunted. This old fart roams our halls in his half-robe and listens to talk radio in our basement. How do I know this? What else would the old, dead jackrabbit be doing in our house all day?
I have never actually had a conversation with "Tom", but I have told him to tie up his stinking robe. And if you were going to commit suicide, why do it in a robe? I'd at least put on one of those tuxedo tee shirts. That way, when they found me lying on the floor, they would say, "Well, at least he dressed for it." And I would still be comfortable. Makes perfect sense.
I wonder how long "Tom" is planning on staying. I hope that he doesn't mind that I am pulling out his pink bathtub and sink. I hope he will at least stay until Christmas. He always does such a superb job in our family's annual reenactment of "A Christmas Carol".
Oh, and thanks neighborly neighbors for informing us of this gruesome news. Thank you for not telling us what room this occurred. I guess I really don't need to know any of the gory details.
If anyone needs to borrow a headless, mini-robed, old man ghost to scare your friends for a weekend, just let me know.