Tuesday, November 16, 2010

An Open Letter from the Glee Club Jazz Band members to Will Schuester.

Dear Mr. Schuester,

As Glee Club Band Leader, I have been nominated by the rest of the band to write you a brief letter of concern to outline our feelings of discontent.  I have chosen this method of communication due to your insane and unjust rule that Glee Club band members are NOT allowed to speak or use their voice in any way when in the presence of the all-holy, singing Glee Club members.

First, we do not appreciate our pathetically anonymous contributions to your little club.  Do you have any idea what we go through as Glee Club band members?  The regular Glee Clubbers get slushies thrown in their faces. Slushies?  We'd kill for slushies! Last week I came home and my mom asked me if I had been looking for my trumpet in the Humane Society's dumpster again.

Secondly, we would like to address the issue of music selection.  Look, we realize we are amazing musicians, but we can not continue to be expected to be able to play any musical number in the history of mankind on a second's notice.  You do realize that it takes some time to actually practice and learn the music, don't you?  Maybe your "gifted" 28-year-old-high school students with chiseled bodies can learn a song in 20 seconds, but we actually need to see the sheet music.

Our third concern is the perpetual habit that you have of yelling "HIT IT" and expecting us to simply know what song it is that you want us to play.  Although Chang swears that he can read minds and that's why he is such a great percussionist. Most of us in the band do NOT have this superhuman ability. 

Fourthly, we are tired of Quinn taking over the drum set.  Just because he is the starting quarterback does NOT mean he can just commandeer our drums.  We have a classically trained drummer.  His name is Chang. Chang tells us that Quinn thinks he runs the place.

Fifth: The above goes for the kid in the wheelchair and his desire wheel over and play Jamie's Gibson guitar whenever he feels like it.

Finally, we as a band would appreciate a little credit now and again.  Do you realize we had to learn every single Britney Spears song in a single week along with FIVE Journey songs?  And the very next week we had to learn how to "mash up" Neil Diamond's Cracklin' Rose and Coolio's Gangster's Paradise!  We bust our butts and what do we get in return?  Not even a nod of approval. 

Thank you, Mr. S. We look forward to working with you under new, improved conditions.  We also look forward to soon making out with Rachel and Mercedes.  We know that you can make this possible.

The Glee Club Band

PS: Just as an FYI, Mr. S: We as a band think that it is a very, very BAD idea for your female students to be meeting you alone at your house to talk about their "feelings".  We are actually a little surprised you are still employed as a teacher.

41 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Well, he is hot. So I think questionable things are totally OK.

I suggest a little Nelly, "It's Getting Hot In Here", the next time he meets with a female student in his house.

T said...

confession time: I've never actually watched Glee... partly because I can't convince myself to sit in front of the television (guilt at not wanting to use the spin bike simultaneously)... partly because Quinn is ManOfTheHouse's real name and that would confuse me.

Plain Jane said...

Now I HAVE to start watching.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

I am still laughing about the 28 year old "gifted" high school students with chiseled bodies. Very good, Abe. Encore! xo

dbs said...

CC your letter to Sue and you will probably get some results, although the results may be disturbingly hilarious.

Melissa @Suger Coat It said...

Hahaha. Love Glee. But you guessed that by how super cool I am, did you not!

Another great post CB. Well don you.

M-Cat said...

I wish I had a clever comment, but I gave up on Glee after an episode or two.....I know. I am ONE pathetic loser

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Let us know his response!

Lindsay Blogs said...

As much as I agree with the Glee Club Band members on this, they are confused - Quinn is the head cheerleader, Finn is the drum thief and quarterback.

Sincerely,
A Loyal Gleek

The Stiffs said...

love this!

Jenn said...

LOL maybe it's time I start watching that show??? Then again, I sort of like just getting the little insights about it from you!

Joann Mannix said...

This Gleek was going to correct you on FINN but someone, I see, got there first.

Last night's episode was sooo good. I didn't think it would be with the insufferable Gwyneth Paltrow, but she was actually fabulous.

And man, what I would have given for a Mr. Schuester in my high school days! Actually, it would be really awesome if one of my kids had a Mr. Schuester as their teacher. I would be volunteering every single ding-dang day.

My daughter was a dancerette in high school, so I was at the marching band practices and competitions. I've always said those kids are the unsung heroes of the football field with all the music they have to know and marching in wool uniforms in Florida. That's okay. They'll get their just reward in a few years when the football players are sitting around reliving their glory days while the band geeks are running the world.

One Cluttered Brain said...

i'm with T, never watched Glee before.
i don't know, maybe i should watch an episode or 2?
I just don't know what the big fuss is all about....

Teachinfourth said...

It's about time you guys put a letter together about these concerns.

Of course, maybe they can read minds...

The Church Lady said...

I'm so bummed I missed Glee last night with Gweneth Paltrow. I hear she can really sing.

I think the Jazz Band has legitimate complaints! Especially about students showing up at Will's house for "consoling".

Eva Gallant said...

I love Glee, and for a minute there, I was thinking, "His name is Quinn??? I thought it was Finn!" Glad someone cleared that up! And last night's episode with Gweneth Paltrow was outstanding "and all the jazz!"
You're right...the band doesn't get much credit!

Jill said...

Just stumbled onto your blog and it is awesome. I will definitely be following!

Oilfield Trash said...

Interesting post.

Bossy Betty said...

So, let me get this straight. We won't be having out "feelings" sessions at his house anymore?

Kelley said...

You are hilarious! I love how you spin things. I have only seen ONE episode of Glee. I need to step it up!

Melinda said...

I hate Glee, I find it so ridiculous I can't even get into it. But I'm glad to see real men watch it! haha

See Mom Smile said...

Ha! you took the words right of my mouth. Last nights episode was the best in awhile but NOT becuase of Gwyneth. All the tweens are going to be asking "who it that?"!

Amanda said...

Things I should never do at work: read this blog.

I giggled loudly. My coworkers stared.

Noelle said...

i've only ever watched the show once...i just couldn't get into it.

Missy said...

I am an undecided Glee fan...
Funny Post!

baygirl32 said...

I can't wait to hear his rebuttle

TortugaRachel said...

Haha, I love this letter. I always sit there and wonder why the band doesn't get more recognition... maybe it's because I was a high school bando.

GrammyMouseTails said...

I am gonna agree with you Abe & the Band... even tho I don't watch much TV, I know the band always gets the shaft when it comes to recognition esp when there are 28 y/o chiseled hard bodied highschooler-singers to compete with, WTHeck?? I guess I need to watch more tv & polish up on my modern music. I'm lost!

imbeingheldhostage said...

Brilliant. Just brilliant.

Emmy said...

I never have watched it either, but as a former high school band member, I love love this post! And seriously when will they have someone who is actually high school age play a highschooler??

Mighty M said...

I'm simply Gleeful over this post!

mintifresh said...

Plus, I went to high school and the band NEVER sounded that good, even after practicing!

Posh Totty said...

Glee is banned in the posh household.

Heff said...

STILL NOT compelled to watch, lol.

W.C.Camp said...

It's that keyboard guy with the Bee Gees haircut and the beard who is about 35 years old that creeps me out? What grade is that guy in?

By the way, it is not all that unusual that top notch musicians can sit down together and play music really well without practice or much more than a few chord progressions and the key of the song. W.C.C.

Amy said...

Dear Mr. Schuester,
If you need a Christmas "mash-up" for this year's Sectionals, Abe is your man! He'll put a little ditty together that will have Mrs. Beist dancing in the aisles.

Pat Tillett said...

You are on fire! This was as funny as the last post I read here. And it was hilarious...

Lisa Loo said...

Poor band kids--they're so busy rehearsing the music they don't even have time to learn those gifted 28 year old's names--tch--tch....

And all the over/under age, psycho sexual weirdness aside----"Singing in the Rain" the other night rocked anything {high school like} I've seen in a long time and gets an A+ for originality.

Pat said...

One of your BEST and FUNNIEST posts EVER!!!

Love it!

Today's Gift said...

What does Mr. Schuester say in return? If I were one of his students I wouldn't mind talking about my "feelings" at his house...just saying.

Sandra said...

I agree with the band on most points except the one about Quinn. Quinn should be allowed to do whatever he wants when he wants because he is hot. And quite sexy while playing the drums...especially when he make that cute chipmunk mouth thing....ok, too much info?