Please, breastfeed in public. (I am NOT a sexist pig!)

Hey ladies, I am all for breastfeeding, even in public. It's normal, natural and beautiful and if you want or need to do it, I've totally got your back (because your front is clearly taken).

In fact, I am a card carrying member of the Public Breastfeeding Association, but I am still not sure what my yearly $35 fee is going to.

The reason I bring this up is that yesterday I watched a woman walk down our street while breastfeeding at the same time! I was not disgusted or offended, just amazed that she could multitask. I can't even walk and chew at the same time.

So ladies, if you feel the need to feed, by all means feed. Heck, put a blanket over yourself, or don't, I really don't care. Just leave your shirt on. I don't think we need a bunch of topless women walking around the valley... or do we?!

I once went to a BYU football game (not sure why) and within my peripheral vision I could see three women breastfeeding (not each other). One woman was breastfeeding and reading a novel at the same time. Another was breastfeeding and crocheting. Nevermind that there was an actual football game going on. The funny thing is that the babies were probably getting more caffeine from the 64 ounces of Diet Coke their moms drank earlier in the day than was available in the entire stadium.

I think that I have mentioned the lady that sits in front of us at church and breastfeeds. Yes, she uses a blanket, but it was a little awkward when the deacon passed her the microphone to bear her testimony and we could all hear slurping sounds. I have to admit, I am a bit jealous of these babies. I'd LOVE to have a milkshake to eat during sacrament meeting. In fact, I think that I am going to recommend to the bishop that for the next father's day, instead of the usual candy bars, they bring us fresh Iceburg milkshakes. And they bring them to us right after sacrament so we may enjoy the rest of the meeting.

When I told a friend of mine about the walking/breastfeeding woman on our street, she told me that she actually has a sister that breastfeeds WHILE SHE DRIVES! I thought that was really odd. How in the world does she get her breast to stretch all the way to the back seat?! Her breasts must look like those long, clown balloons that they make balloon animals out of.

I was reading a study that said that ten out of ten Pediatricians recommend breastfeeding. Apparently, it is really healthy for babies. I was breastfed and you can see how wonderful I turned out. In fact, scientists have asked for some of my DNA so they may clone me for future generations to enjoy. (By "scientists" I mean this guy sitting on the park bench that swears he's a scientist. And I wondered why the cotton swab was already wet BEFORE he shoved it up my nostril.)

My dad was not breastfed and we all know how he turned out.

Here's an oddity that I have often contemplated: Human milk is really healthy for human babies until cow's milk is better for them. And cow's milk is really healthy for baby cows. But what if, during a cow's life, human milk would actually be better for them? Why are we withholding human breast milk from the cows? Could it be that we are frightened that the cows will soon become a super-species to rival humans and eventually kill us off? Can't we just give breast milk to a single toddler cow? Duh scientists, one super-species cow is not going to kill us all.

So women, continue on with the breastfeeding and the complete nurturment of your children. It is completely legal in every state. And if you can do more than one thing at once, more power to you.