Check out my freshly minted 4-year-old son today in his moon boots:
Moonboots? In late April? Unfortunately, it is the only footwear he will sport.
Now, you may also notice his enchanted Christmas colored clothing, including his wedgie shorts. You see, he has been very insistent lately that he dress himself and has apparently been getting fashion advice from a combination Napoleon Dynamite and this guy:
Now, it's not just he moonboots he is wearing in late April that has me worried. No, this has been disturbing me for so many other reasons:
1. He insists on wearing these moonboots out in public - to stores even - and marching around like some sort of mega footed male clogger.
2. He does not wear socks with the boots, instead choosing to grow a vile bacteria equal to in potency of that dripping from Richard Simmon's chest hair.
3. The reason he wears these boots is that he calls them his "Gaston Boots".
4. The reason that he calls them his "Gaston Boots" is that his favorite movie is Beauty and the Beast.
5. The reason that he calls them his "Gaston Boots" is that he worships the evil Gaston and thinks he a brave warrior and the coolest man ever.
Is that as bad as it sounds? No? Well...
6. His favorite thing to do is march around in his "Gaston Boots" and yell, "KILL THE BEAST!" while stabbing his plastic sword in the air.
7. He gets angry when the beast kills Gaston at the end of the movie.
And THAT, my friends, is why he is wearing Moon boots in late April.
I am so worried about that kid.
**The dumpster dive will be posted on Friday. Time to gather the fam around the computer and enjoy Cheeseboy frolicking in garbage.