Thursday, April 29, 2010

I should totally be in the Genius Book of World Records.

One of my first graders checked out what they called the "2009 Genius Book of World Records" from the library today. (Every time they ask the librarian for the "Genius Book" it cracks me up.)

There was something in it that she just HAD to show me:

LUCY: Mr. Cheeseboy! Look at this! (Holds up the book.) The WORLD'S BIGGEST CHOPSTICKS!

ME: That's great Lucy. Wow. Cool.

LUCY: I know! (She runs away to show her friends.)

Now, I know I humored this kid and acted like these "chopsticks" were an amazing feat. However, I was thinking:

SOME DUDE GLUES A FEW TWO BY FOURS TOGETHER, CALLS THEM CHOPSTICKS AND GETS INTO THE WORLD RECORD BOOK?! WHAT THE #@%&!

Thus, I decided that I too belong in the Genius Book of Records. I spent all afternoon taking pictures of stuff around the house and I am officially submitting these items to the record book:

1. I am submitting this as the "WORLD'S SMALLEST DUMPSTER". (I will not be doing any posts from inside.)


2. I am submitting this as the "WORLD'S BIGGEST DOG HOUSE". (Really just my garage, but don't tell them that.)


3. I am submitting this as the "WORLD'S LARGEST TOOTHPICK". (Surely, I will win. No one can top the size of this toothpick in my front yard.)



4. I am submitting this as "WORLD'S HOTTEST WIFE". - NO WAY I LOSE THIS ONE EITHER!!!

47 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

The toothpick alone should get you in the book!

FabuLeslie said...

You are definitely a genius, and I know each and every one of these entries will be accepted once they are verified by a real representative from the Genius Book of World Records. I'm pretty sure they have at least one rep in every state, and usually that rep works at an elementary school. Who knows, the one who comes to check out your stash of unusually large and small items may be someone who works at your school. You never know!

P.S. I'm trying to think of something to do for my 100th follower that is less disgusting but just as compelling as your stunt. I'm open to suggestions from your cheesiness. Of course, we have a lot of time. I'm at 20 right now.

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Oh ya. It's all about the toothpick.

Kelly said...

You are right on your way to becoming famous! I really admire that.

Mamma has spoken said...

I love the books that students check out. In my own personal classroom library, I have a Ribley's Believe It or Not book. They love it. I think it has something to do with the gross pictures....

TS Hendrik said...

I applaud the momentous records. All very ingenious. That doghouse could possibly hold a Clifford or at the very least a Marmaduke.

Pat Tillett said...

I'm sure you will be famous by weeks end. Espcially in the most beautiful wife category...

A couple of weeks ago I was part of the largest group to wear fleece snuggies for 5 minutes at. I think there were 43,000 plus. It was at a baseball game.

MiMi said...

My doghouse is bigger than your doghouse.
And, yeah, your wife is cute! In a totally non-lesbian-ish way.
You know. I've been having to say that a lot today. That's strange.

Kristina P. said...

Can you imagine if a polygamist tried to do the prettiest wife one? I have a feeling that wouldn't go over well.

Daphne A. Quist said...

For sure you'll win for the most beautiful wife! The toothpick was slightly black....

Beth said...

Way to score points with the wife! :) Glad to hear you won't be filming from inside the world's smallest dumpster!

Queenie Jeannie said...

Cheesy, Mr. Cheese!!! VERY cheesy, lol!

Emmy said...

Stopped by from Glamazon Mormon mom, she is right your blog is funny.
And yes, I think that is the world's biggest toothpick :)

Lindzena said...

World-Records were my favorite thing when I was in elementary school! I'm pretty sure you get all of those. I don't know what I win as far as world records go, but it's probably something awesome.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

You should be in the Genius Book for best blog. And, if your wife reads this, you're so getting lucky tonight!

:)

Tgoette said...

Not that she definitely doesn't deserve it, because she most certainly does, but is there a category "Greatest blog entry to score points with wife" in the book?

Well done, Cheeseboy! I raise a glass of "genius" and toast to this most creative undertaking!

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

I agree that your wife is really hot. Thanks for moving me a step closer to switching teams.
Good luck breaking new records.
Cheers,
Robyn

Connie said...

I sure hope that is YOUR wife!

You truly deserve a place in the book!
I'm going to China in a month. I'll be looking for some BIG chopsticks!

Teachinfourth said...

If I had a witty comment, I'd write it here.

My students love that book, too...

mintifresh said...

Brilliant! You are so in!

Mr. Stupid said...

Good job. You will be in the Guinness... sorry Genius book.
BTW, try sticking an Egg to a plant in your Backyard. That should be a great record for "The Actual Eggplant!"

Have a good day...:)

ScoMan said...

Your dog house has satellite TV?

Lucky dog.

järnebrand said...

I think you'll end up in that book eventually. :)
I am sorry to hear you won't be doing any posts from inside that dumpster...
Have a great weekend! /Jo.

Robin said...

I cant stop laughing.!!!!..too too... funny..can I put on LOL...let me know

Rachel said...

Where's a genius comment when you need one. Too funny. You've a great sense of humor.

Chaka said...

My wife bought me the updated version last year. When my kids read it they usually freak out from half the weird stuff in there like longest finger nails, the guy who squirts milk out of his eyes, the largest cyst, etc.

Just SO said...

You should totally be in that genius book. If they don't put you in you know it's rigged.

Diane J. said...

I'm noticing a common theme. The dumpster outside of the doghouse, the toothpick that looks like you've been gnawing on it, followed by a picture of your wife (yes, she is a cutie). I wonder, did you get yourself thrown into the doghouse and you're trying to suck up to get out? Sorry, I couldn't resist. I'm teasing. You are completely on to something here. Maybe I won't have to work so hard for my twins to get in the record book after all. They are completely enthralled by that book and are keeping a list of all things that they want to try to get in the book.

See Mom Smile said...

That is a great idea. I have the worlds smallest hairbrush in the shape of a toothbrush.

Everyday Goddess said...

Now won't Lucy have a great time showing off your Genius entries!

Melinda said...

Dude, your wife is hot. Except in my husband's case HE has the hottest wife...

Terry said...

Stopped on by from Glamazon's!
I must say you are already famous...especially if that pic is truly your wife! That's awesome!!
Now following....just because Glamazon threatened me...
No she didn't....
Well...maybe she did....

ModernMom said...

Awe..gotta love s man who knows how to kiss up to his wife:)

mama-face said...

LOL.

That isn't the name of that book? The book that has been checked out by both of my boys time after time?

onlyoublog said...

LOL! All you need is Clifford the Dog next to your garag - er, I mean, doghouse - to nail it. Nice ending!

Cheeseboy said...

First of all everyone - THAT IS MY WIFE. I know, I am still pinching myself 12 years later.

@ Alex - Agreed. It's an amazing site really.

@ FabuLeslie - I have a really hard time thinking of stunts. That garbage one actually came to me in a dream. I dream a lot about dumpsters.

@ Serene - The toothpick is surreal.

@ Kelly - We famous people deserve admiration.

@ Mama - Yeah, what is it with those kind of books? I liked them as a kid too. Gross pictures it must be.

@ TS - Clifford! Perfect. If I could get a picture of Clifford in front of it, they'd have to accept it. Now, hm, if only Clifford existed.

@ Pat - You're already in?!!?! For a Snuggie?! Unreal.

@ Mimi - It's all good. She's attractive to both lesbians and non-lesbians alike.

@ Kristina - I see what you're saying: How would the other wives feel? Yeah, that would be awkward.

@ Daphne - The toothpick is black because a giant man used it after chewing tobacco.

@ Beth - Thanks, and I do believe I scored some points.

@ Queenie - Cheesy is what I do best.

@ Emmy - Glamazon is one cool lady. Thanks for stopping by. You might have a toothpick that big in your front yard too. Check your front yard.

@ Lindzena - I think you win 50 bucks and a facial at a local spa or something.

@ Green-Eyed - THANKS! And unfortunately, my wife does not read my blog.

Tgotte - Thanks. I thought I'd scored some points. Always nice to have them in the back pocket.

@ Rawkn - LOL! Two lesbian comments! Ladies, calm down.

@ Connie - You might want to bring along a big toothpick to China.

@ Teachinfourth - If I had a witty response to your witless comment, I'd write it here. No worries.

@ mintifresh - Yep. I think she appreciated it, even though she really didn't say anything at all about it.

@ Mr. Stupid - Your eggplant idea is beyond belief. Superb.

@ ScoMan - I thought about that as I was taking the picture. I really need to downgrade to regular TV for him.

@ Jarnebrand - Who knows what I will get in for. Apparently, it's easy if you have a Snuggie.

@ Robin - I'd love for this to be on LOL.

@ Rachel - Why thank you. Where is my genius response when I need one?

@ Chaka - Ew. Largest cyst? Why do kids like looking at this stuff?! BTW, thank you THANK YOU for your post today. Very cool.

@ Just SO - Yeah, THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!

@ Diane - LOL! No. I was in good graces before this post. Now I am in REALLY good graces.

@ See Mom Smile - That sounds awe-inspiring. You should submit it!

@ Everyday - I hope so. Lucy is one silly kid. (Lucy is not her real name, but I might start calling her that because now she is Lucy in my mind)

@ Melinda - Thanks. Yes, and this isn't even a good picture of her - it's just the only one she'd let me take.

@ Terry - Galamazon has made my day. Glad to have you aboard. Now pick up a shovel and start rowing. (We use shovels instead of oars on this ship because of the budget crisis)

@ ModernMom - THAT I am pretty good at.

@ Mama-face - I am still learning to pronounce the REAL name of that book.

Joann Mannix said...

Sorry Cheeseboy, tardy to the party.

The toothpick is the one that's going to get you in that dang book.

And your wife is a beauty.

But, how about something real, hmmm. I dare you to try and grow the world's longest fingernails. Have you seen the freak fingernails that are listed right now. Man, alive! Now that, sir, would be an accomplishment.

Tracie said...

My son will be so impressed when your entries are picked. The Genius Book is one of his favorite reads. (He's in 1st grade.)

Terresa said...

Fabu post! I'm with you on this, 100%, I mean, how do people get off with these wild claims of "World's Biggest/tallest/ugliest/" etc etc?

I hope you win in all categories!! ;)

Ally said...

That's too funny. I think you should attempt to enter those images, hey ya never know!

Richard & Natalie said...

You are a genius indeed. You were smart enough to post the pic of your wife as 'Worlds Hottest Wife' to keep you out of the 'Biggest Doghouse.' Now that is a smart man if I've ever seen one!

ASBLACKASOBAMA said...

Have you seen the world's largest pecan? It's not even a pecan.... It's made out of concrete.... I say submit the toothpick....

Charis said...

This is my favorite post EVER! I laughed and laughed.

imbeingheldhostage said...

You just SO got out of the doghouse for spending so much time with your blog with the hottest wife category ;-)

GrammyMouseTails said...

Ahh, yes the Genius book, the holey grail of childhood! I held on to my own paperback version a long time, until my boys got the updated records & trashed my heroes :(
I totally think you have a chance w/ the toothpick, but only if you re-do the photo and pose actually using it!

swalberg family said...

Me and my sister Linds had a Guiness book of records when we were kids and we always wanted to have the worlds smallest monkey as our pet. And Linds always wanted a palm size t.v. for every birthday but she never got it. Guiness gave us big dreams.

P.S. Remember the Brady Bunch episode where they rode the teeter totter? I think you should try something like that...

Out Of My Head said...

You are so funny, I somehow lost all of the blogs i follow and today they appeared. that was strange. I completely miss the Twilight post and the beverly Hills conversation cause you have to remember i am 74 years old and twilight to me is the hour either before sunrise or before sun set. I keep getting those mixed up. never watched beverly hills but have been there. I am more into The Lone Ranger and his horse Tonto no, that's his Indian Friend the horse was named, the horse was named, the horse was named....