Recently a group of Chinese "Ark-eologists" found what they believe to be the actual Noah's Ark in Turkey. Most scientists are very skeptical and some even laugh at such a claim. Nevertheless, these Chinese folks are very confident (99% so) and have released several press releases about their discovery.
- Hey Bob, you might want to come over here and take a look at this.
- Interesting Kevin, what have you found there?
Hm, it looks like some old boards and a crate or something. HEY TOM - GET OVER HERE! YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO TAKE A LOOK AT THIS!
- Hey guys, I was just digging over there by that rock. What are you looking at?
- Okay Tom, get this - we found... some boards... and a crate. A CRATE!
- Here let me take a look at those.
Yep. Just as I thought... it's the Ark.
THE ARK? THE ARK HAS BEEN FOUND!
- TOM! That's the best news ever! We've been climbing around this blasted mountain for days. All we've found is a bunch of silly string canisters and a rusted Bedazzler.
- Three cheers for Tom!
Hip Hip - HURRAY
Hip Hip - HURRAY
- What about Kevin? He's the one that found the stuff?
- Three cheers for Kevin???
- Dude, Kevin is a turd-wad. He totally forgot the mayo on my sandwich today. I bet he just tossed that crap over there while we weren't looking and said it belonged to Noah.
- Fine, don't cheer for me. Can we just go home now? I have a really bad sunburn and this dust is really bad for my asthma. Tom's got to check it anyway.
- He's right guys, before we go home, I have to send this stuff to the lab for checking. Take it to the back of my Astro Van, I'll be there in a sec. Now where is that magnifying glass and those tweezers? Will someone bring me my satchel?
Now everyone - hold your breath while I go do some checking.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - -- - - -
- OKAY EVERYONE. I HAVE INCREDIBLE NEWS! IT'S OFFICIAL - WE FOUND THE ARK!
- Dang it! Kevin WAS RIGHT?!
- I told you guys.
- Hold on Tom. How sure are you?
- Like 60% sure.
- 60%? That's it?
- Okay, like 60 - 90% sure.
- Oh. Better I guess.
- No, 99% sure. I'm 99% sure.
HURRAY FOR TOM! TOM'S THE MAN! THREE MORE CHEERS FOR TOM!
- So Tom, how do you know for sure?
- The second board I looked at had a N.A. pecked into it. Probably the work of a woodpecker.
- More like TWO woodpeckers.
- Call the press. We found the ark!
- Who's got John Stossel's cell?