Monday, October 5, 2009

Dearest Blog O' Cheese readers...

Dear Cheese Blog Enthusiasts,

I hereby decree that the Blog O' Cheese shall not be updated for a period of one month. The reasons are thrice:

1. I feel that the blogging quality has severely lacked recently. I mean, I wrote 6 paragraphs on my jammie pants for heaven's sake! I need some time to recharge creatively.

2. I am spending way too much time online. I also want to see if I will miss blogging. I feel like it is going to be a sacrifice and very difficult for me to do - but I feel that I must do it.

3. I want to rethink why I am blogging. What is it that I am after? I enjoy entertaining, but perhaps I should be using my writing differently?

Well, one more...

4. Going along with the above... I want to work on some other projects. I want to see if they are as satisfying.

Thus, I shall return on November 5, 2009 and I will describe in detail the future of the blog (if there is a future).

Your comments will be taken into account, so please express your thoughts and feelings about the cheese blog in the comments.

Until November 5...


Sunday, October 4, 2009

Ode to my jammie Pants

Oh jammie pants, how I love you. You are the wind beneath my wings. (Also, sometimes you are the wings outside my wind, if you know what I mean?? Huh, huh?)

I still remember the first time I saw you - laying there on my father-in-law's couch. He had picked you up from the D.I. What kind of fool would leave you behind? Probably some fancy lad like that awful David Osmond or that guy that wears the sunglasses and talks all saucy on CSI: Miami. I hate that guy, but I will happily sleep in his old jammie pants... what an idiot.

It was almost like you winked at me that night lying there on that couch. Winked at me with your fly. When I put you on, it was like stepping into a warm cottage; not like a yuppie cottage in Caramel either. More like a cottage made for hobbits in the Shire - but without the low hanging ceiling fans.

Your elastic waste-band is not too tight. In fact, I think you were designed for a fat man, but I like you just the way you are. I am not at all judgmental of your size. If you wanted to diet or workout a little, I wouldn't stop you, but I would also not encourage you. Dieting is a personal choice and I really wouldn't want to pressure you one way or another. Unless of course, you were to ask me my opinion - I would advise you to start drinking diet soda and to lay off the bread already.

I apologize if I never tie your ties. I like to be able to scratch at will. Sometimes I get an itch. Don't take it personally - you have very nice ties. Sometimes, if there is company over (I like to look nice for company), I might tie the ties. But only if the company tie worthy. I am not tying the ties for the eight year old neighbor boy or for my the home teachers. Sorry guys, you are just not tie worthy. (If the home teacher happens to be in the Stake Presidency, I may tie)

Your checkers keep me in check. Your stripes are so stripy, your flannel so flannely. Your free flowing cotton flows like a model's hair blowing in a fan induced wind. You never stick, pull or most importantly, wedge. You start to wedge and I drop you like BYU sweatpants. You are on warning.

Jammy pants - I love thee.

Friday, October 2, 2009

My reply to Utah Woolen Mills reply... sent today at 3:00 PM:

My reply to Utah Woolen Mills reply... sent today at 3:00 PM:

Thank you so much for your quick reply. I look forward to visiting your fine establishment soon. In the meantime, you may get a general idea of my proportions from the sketch I have attached. FYI: This picture was drawn of me a few years ago while I was on the San Fran wharf. I was a real heavy smoker back then and hadn't yet turned my life around. I would appreciate it if you held our condescending comments to yourself.

Again, thank you for your time.

Abraham Joske

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Utah Woolen Mills returns my email...

Wow, that was fast! Just got the below reply from Utah Woolen Mills. Can't say they don't offer great customer service:

Mr. Joske
We would have to see you before we could say yes. Please come to our store.
Thank you,

FYI - Please read the below post for this to make sense.

My email to Utah Woolen Mills

I sent the following email to Utah Woolen Mills ( today at 2:30 PM. If/when I get a reply, I will post it immediately.

Hello, My name is Abraham Joske and I have recently been put in my ward's Bishopric (2nd councilor to the Bishop, 3rd in command). They have told me that this calling requires me to wear a suit.

I've always wanted a suit, but due to years of improper arm workouts, I have a strange condition in which my forearms are thicker than my biceps. In fact, my forearms are roughly the same size as my thighs. (I do not have large or small thighs. I'd say they are average sized thighs for a man. Maybe 18 inches in diameter each) Thus, finding a suit that fits my strange proportions has become a bit of a challenge.

If I come in for a measuring, is it possible to custom make a suit for a man with exceptionally large forearms? I am willing to pay whatever the cost. (My Bishop has very kindly offered to pay half. He owns a large welding corporation and is rather wealthy. They are looking to expand into Idaho!)

I have emailed Mr. Mac and they either refuse to reply or are unwilling to work with a special needs case.

Also, is your wool homegrown or imported? I'd like to buy local, but I realize the quality of sheep in Utah is lacking.

Thank you kindly for your time,

Abraham Joske