Monday, March 31, 2008

Happy Birthday Calder!

Happy 2nd Birthday to my little guy today!  He is a boy of a million facial expressions and he may very well be the next Jim Carrey.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Oprah's new husband! (And netipot fun)

Everyone knows that Oprah use to be married to Dr. Phil.  Since then, they have separated and he has joined the ranks of sleazy talk show hosts Rikki Lake, Jenny Jones, Geraldo, Maury Povich, Phil Donahue, Gordon Elliot, Montel Williams and Sally Jesse Rafael. (geez there where a lot of those shows on in the 90's!)
Well Oprah has since remarried to some guy named Dr. Oz.  He seems to be on every show, wearing his doctor outfit and talking topics ranging from the appropriate size and shape of your stool to the benefits of using a netipot.  What is a netipot you ask?  It is a device to rinse out your nose. It is very important to rinse out your nose regularly.  Hey everyone, my birthday is in less than a month.  Let me just drop a hint...

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Band/Song of the Day - Bell X1 - Tongue

I have decided to change the band of the day to the song of the day.  That way, I will be able to simply post the song in my blog for everyone to listen to.  One problem.  I don't know how to do this yet.  A couple people have tried to tell me, but as soon as they say, "you have to change the code"  I have already zoomed them out.  Ike will just have to show me one day.  
Today's song of the day is "Tongue" by Bell X1.  A great song!  This band is from Ireland and they are huge over there, selling out huge arenas.  Well deserved as they totally rock.  They sound a LOT like Radiohead.  In fact, I'd say they are a combination of Radiohead and Coldplay.  Anyway, check out this video:

If you like their sound, let me know.  I will bring over my iPod.  You can have one earpiece and I will have the other.  We will sit cheek to cheek and sway on the couch to the melodic harmonies of Bell X1.  Just leave a note in the comments.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Why I am afraid of ostriches.

I hate ostriches.   There is a really stinky building at Hogle Zoo.  (As soon as I say the words "stinky, building and zoo", everyone knows exactly the building I am talking about.)  When I was a kid, outside this building there was an open area that you had to walk through to get out.  And in that open area - free roaming ostriches.  
An ostrich chased me once.  I may have been 4 or even younger.  But I remember being chased by an ostrich.  It was a mean sunofabitch.  If my memory serves me correctly, it spit.  It may have also had fangs.  It's claws where sharp.  It had death in it's eyes.  It made a strange noise.
An ostrich will attack.  They will attack with a vicious veracity that I have never seen in any other animal.  I hate them.  They are my animal kingdom nemesis.  (I also hate Cougar and the possum, but not as much as I hate the Ostrich.)
If there was an ostrich in my house right now, I would snap it's neck.  I wouldn't even care.  Even if PETA where here in my house eating twinkies and cool aid with me.  I would break it's neck so bad!  You don't even know!

Thursday, March 27, 2008

I am a frail, frail man.

You may not know this about me but I am a hypochondriac.  I am a bad hypochondriac.  So much so that I am a hypochondriac about being a hypochondriac.  Ask my wife.  It is really so bad that it has almost become a mental illness.  Again, this is the absolute truth, ask my wife. I worry constantly about my health.  Everyday an hour does not go by when I do not have some sort of health anxiety.  It started on my mission when I swore I had a fungus on my tongue.  It probably wasn't really a fungus or anything really.  But I put scope in my mouth and left it there for a full half hour.  I burned all of the skin off every part of the inside of my mouth and I could not eat solid food for almost a week.  

Now, I realize that this will be a very funny list.  It is to me now that I have read it over.  But at the time these where all real ailments that I stressed about to no end.  In the last 10 years, I have had the following health problems that I have worried continuously about (either real or imagined).

  • Constant headache for a month (most likely brain tumor)
  • Dizziness for a month (again, brain tumor)
  • A crackling in the left ear when hearing a loud sound.  (Most likely a broken ear drum from sticking a drum stick in my ear as a teenager and falling down the stairs, of course breaking my ear drum)
  • Deviated septum - (ENT told me I had this at a recent visit)
  • Heart murmur (doctor told me I had a slight one at at recent visit)
  • Lump in my throat (most likely throat cancer, turns out it was just from my acid reflux)
  • Burping up acid (again, acid reflux)
  • Quick, sharp chest pains (Had this for years.  I was even checked thoroughly for heart problems, which I was sure I had.  Turns out it was just more acid reflux.)
  • Tingling in my back.  (No pain just tingling.  I was sure I had MS.)
  • MS - thought I had this on several occasions.
  • Diarrhea - everyone has a case of this occasionally.  I had it for a week once and thought for sure I had stomach cancer.
  • Eyesight getting worse - I thought this was a symptom of having MS.
  • Foot pain - now I know this is just from jogging so much, but it still hurt.
  • Recent horrible rash on my back.  I thought for SURE I had shingles.  I still think I might have.  Of course, it was probably just a rash.  It hurt though.  Of course, the rash combined with the tingling in my back could only mean one thing.  SPINAL CANCER!
  • Butt pain - I have been having this for about a week.  Again, probably just from over-jogging, but it still does not stop me from continuously feeling for a lump.
  • Pleurisy - OK, I actually did have this, twice, like 9 years ago.  But I still worry about getting it again.
  • Acid Reflux - Still battling this and I take medication for it.  
  • Small, reoccurring rash under my right eye.  Went to a skin doctor, went away, but it comes back every so often.  Most likely, skin cancer.
  • One of my thumbs will no longer crack when I try to crack it.  I think I might have arthritis in that thumb.
  • All over body itching.  Not sure what to attribute this to, but I am constantly scratching.  What is weird is that my armpits itch the most???  Not sure what that is all about.
  • I had bright green stool once.  Totally freaked me out.  Not sure how many times I typed in "bright green stool" into Google to see what in the world that was.  I think I may have even typed in "neon stool" into a search engine.  I guarantee no one that reads this blog has ever done a search for "neon stool" before.
HAHA - I am laughing now that I have typed all of that. Wow.  The funny thing is that most of these symptoms can be attributed to stress.  What am I stressed about? My health, of course!  It is a vicious, vicious cycle.

The worst is when I get on the internet.  The internet is a bad, bad place for hypochondriacs.  I can search for hours about my symptoms and the more I search the worse the disease becomes.  What's more, I am even worse when it comes to my kids.  I could make a whole new list about what they may have had, but I will spare you.  I will tell you that in the last week I was worried that Lincoln had a tumor pushing against his eyes and that was pushing extra eye mucus (sleepybugs) out of his eyes.  I wish I was joking.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Upper bowl at a Jazz game

Thanks to Jacob for the free Jazz tickets. However, I have never sat in the upper bowl before. It's a whole different culture up there. Here are a few things I noticed:
  • The guy beside me had chewing tobacco and kept spitting it into his cup.
  • The family in front of me had a flask that they had snuck in. They kept passing it to one another and to the 2 rows in front of them. No germs there. I wonder if these people realize THEY SELL BEER IN THE ESA!
  • This same family spent at least $200 at the game on worthless crap. Boozer jersies, basketballs, dip and dots, food. They really where only in their seats for about half the game. Of course, each time they went to get more crap, they made the entire row get up for them. And, of course they didn't bother to stay for the 4th quarter. Lets see, 6 tickets at $40.00 each, $200.00 worth of crap. Larry H. Miller is not rich because of car sales!
  • One other interesting note. They were too cheap to buy the beer at the ESA, but still spent over $200.00. AT A FRIGGEN BOBCATS GAME!
  • One guy on our row showed up late with his wife. Someone was sitting in his seats so instead of going to get an usher or asking them to leave, he sat down in the staircase and waited. What a baby. The usher had to come up, ask him what was the matter and go ask the people who where in his seats to move. This all happened DURING the game. It was a huge distraction. The guy finally sat down amongst the eye rolls of every person on our row.
  • The upper bowl proved to provide more entertainment than the actual game.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

The Loose Tooth Syndrome

Well, as a first grade teacher, one of the most frequently heard phrases is, "Look at my loose tooth!"  Up until today, I could care less.  My usual response is a half hearted "yeah, that is cool, eh."  Rarely do I even look as they bend it backward and forward in joyful jubilation.

Yesterday Lincoln got his first loose tooth.  From the moment he noticed it in the morning until now, all I have heard is "Dad, my tooth is getting wobblier!"  Or, "Dad, I am not the last one in my class to get a loose tooth anymore!"  His excitement about this tiny, wiggly piece of ivory has reached a fever pitch.  His filthy fingers are constantly in his mouth, jamming and prodding his tooth this way and that.  This is the most exciting moment of his life to date.

I have pledged that I will no longer ho-hum the ever growing mob of kids that line up daily to show me their tooth.  This is a big moment for them.  Lincoln is overly excited to show his teacher is tooth.  I am sure these kids come to me with the same glee in their eyes.  When a kids come to show what will soon be a dollar under their pillow, I pledge to now fake my enthusiasm, put on a happy face and thank the tooth fairy gods for this beloved event.  From the vantage point of a first grader, this is their crowning achievement.  I will no longer belittle it.  

I think this is the perfect time to show this video.  This video is of one of the triplets in my class this year.  He is one of the funniest kids I have ever taught as well as one of my all time favorites.  Anyway, here is a video of him having his tooth pulled out.  By the way, the triplets told me that America's Funniest Home Videos called them and this might be a finalist in a future show.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Band of the day - Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start

I have decided that on days that I have nothing to post, that I will start reviewing bands I like to listen to.  You see, my wife could care less and I really have no one to talk to about these bands.  At last, a forum to express my views!  Alas, no one will probably listen or read this, but at least I am fulfilled, my feelings about the music are in the open and the world is a better place.
Band #1 is Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start
You may recognize their name.  It was the secret Contra code that gave you unlimited lives on that video game.  Although a bit wordy, a very cool band name for those in the know.  In fact, their new album that I do not have yet is entitled "Worst Band Name...Ever!"
The album that I have of their is "And Nothing is #1".  A very interesting album to say the least.  The greatest thing about this band is they have a perfect mix of hard and soft stuff in every song.  They have two singers, and the one sings the soft stuff and one the harder stuff.  The way that they blend their voices is quite amazing.  One drawback is that the songs are a bit short, averaging about 2 1/2 minutes each.  The best songs on the album are:
  • Help Me Fix My Bike
  • Muscle, When Will I See It
  • As Usual
The band reminds me a little of "Sunny Day Real Estate".  If you like Sunny Day, you would probably like these guys.  So, as for this New Jersey based band, I give them 3 1/2 stars (out of 5).

Sunday, March 23, 2008

The force is with me!

Lincoln and I have just started watching the Star Wars series.  I decided to start with horribly awful "Phantom Menace" and work our way through all 6.  Lincoln has never seen them and all of his friends love to play Star Wars.  We had previously watched the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy and Star Wars was our next project.  
Well, so far so good.  Lincoln was only semi interested in the Phantom Menace, but after the second one "Revenge of the Sith" he was begging for more.  I kept telling him that Yoda was the best fighter in the galaxy, and he did not really believe me.  At the end of the Sith movie, Yoda kicks some major ass and now Yoda is his favorite character.  (After Jar Jar Binks, which is just embarrassing!)  Anyway, I am excited to get to the third movie, which is almost up to par with the original trilogy.  It is also interesting to watch the movies in chronological order from the beginning with someone that has never seen the series.  Lincoln already knows that Anikan Skywalker becomes Darth Vader and he will not be surprised when Darth says, "Luke, I am your father!" like I was when I was 10.  Here's to you Yoda, the greatest of all the fighters.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Let the blogging begin!

This is my second attempt at a blog.  I tried it a couple of years ago, with no luck.  But since this is the "in" thing to do now, I guess I will rework this bloggin' idea.    This is my first entry - some fun I had with my boy, Calder with a fun house camera on my Mac.  Despite these pictures, he really is a cute kid!  And yes, that is my wife, Jay Leno in the first picture.