Friday, March 28, 2008

Why I am afraid of ostriches.

I hate ostriches.   There is a really stinky building at Hogle Zoo.  (As soon as I say the words "stinky, building and zoo", everyone knows exactly the building I am talking about.)  When I was a kid, outside this building there was an open area that you had to walk through to get out.  And in that open area - free roaming ostriches.  
An ostrich chased me once.  I may have been 4 or even younger.  But I remember being chased by an ostrich.  It was a mean sunofabitch.  If my memory serves me correctly, it spit.  It may have also had fangs.  It's claws where sharp.  It had death in it's eyes.  It made a strange noise.
An ostrich will attack.  They will attack with a vicious veracity that I have never seen in any other animal.  I hate them.  They are my animal kingdom nemesis.  (I also hate Cougar and the possum, but not as much as I hate the Ostrich.)
If there was an ostrich in my house right now, I would snap it's neck.  I wouldn't even care.  Even if PETA where here in my house eating twinkies and cool aid with me.  I would break it's neck so bad!  You don't even know!


Heather and Jake said...

I hate them too. When Ike and I worked in landscaping at Lagoon, we used to have to reach into their cage to hook up a hose so that we could water the grass under the Rollo-planes. The dumb birds would always freek us out. When I had to do it, I would wait until they were clear across their cage and then I would hurry and stick my hand through the fence. Every single time, one of them would suprise me. I always would just about have the hose screwed onto the faucet when I would look up and have one hissing at me about a foot away from my face. Once I got the hose hooked up, I would spray them with it, to get them back to their side of the cage. Take that bird lovers! P.S.- Sorry Abe if I just blogged on your blog.

Melinda said...

Hahahaha You don't even KNOW! (thats from a Dane Cook routine, but I love to say it) I love this post, its freaking hysterical. Glad to know you were funny from the beginning of your blog, don't know why...but glad to know. :)