Thursday, October 1, 2009

My email to Utah Woolen Mills

I sent the following email to Utah Woolen Mills ( today at 2:30 PM. If/when I get a reply, I will post it immediately.

Hello, My name is Abraham Joske and I have recently been put in my ward's Bishopric (2nd councilor to the Bishop, 3rd in command). They have told me that this calling requires me to wear a suit.

I've always wanted a suit, but due to years of improper arm workouts, I have a strange condition in which my forearms are thicker than my biceps. In fact, my forearms are roughly the same size as my thighs. (I do not have large or small thighs. I'd say they are average sized thighs for a man. Maybe 18 inches in diameter each) Thus, finding a suit that fits my strange proportions has become a bit of a challenge.

If I come in for a measuring, is it possible to custom make a suit for a man with exceptionally large forearms? I am willing to pay whatever the cost. (My Bishop has very kindly offered to pay half. He owns a large welding corporation and is rather wealthy. They are looking to expand into Idaho!)

I have emailed Mr. Mac and they either refuse to reply or are unwilling to work with a special needs case.

Also, is your wool homegrown or imported? I'd like to buy local, but I realize the quality of sheep in Utah is lacking.

Thank you kindly for your time,

Abraham Joske


Sco said...

I was almost expecting to see you tell Utah Woolen Mills that you're also a little hunched over, and you need to make sure that the jacket is fitted so that it doesn't drag on the ground. Very funny.

That's super nice that your bishop will go halves on a suit; what's his number? Will he believe I just got put in the bishopric?

And all your financial clerk experience has prepared you for this moment.

Cheeseboy said...

Well Scott, yes... however, I did not really get put in the bishopbric, I just lied and made up that part. Now I will never be put in the bishopbric.

Sco said...

I swallowed that hook, line and sinker, huh! Makes your email even that much better, though.

Tammy said...

These are the posts I dislike Abe because I also thought maybe you got a new calling to the bishopric. I hate when I read them and have to wonder if you're being truthful or telling a big fat lie that I might buy!

Cheeseboy said...

Tammy, if I confused you than my job was successful.