Wednesday, July 30, 2008

A conversation I had the other day with a 16 year old girl.

As many of you know, I tutor at Sylvan for a little extra money.  I have mixed feelings about tutoring:  I wish I could have a part time job that did not involve teaching, but at the same time I love working with kids of all different age groups.  I especially like dealing with the teenagers.  They are very different than my first graders and they can actually comprehend many of the sarcastic remarks I throw out.  Unfortunately, they can also be just as brutally honest as my first graders.  I shall provide an example of this henceforth.  In your minds, I shall play the part of "Cheeseboy" and a 16 year old girl will play the part of "Stephanie".  Granted, we should have been worried about her studies and working on identifying similes, but occasionally I will get on a bit of a tangent with a student, as I did here.  Also, this student was much like my first graders in that she could also not identify or comprehend sarcasm.  So anyway, off we go...

(This conversation did actually take place.  However, the names have been changed to protect identities.  Just to set things straight, my name has been changed to CB, or Cheeseboy.  Bethany's name has been changed to Stephanie.)

Stephanie: You know, you really shouldn't wear a white shirt with khaki pants.

CB: What?  Why not?  I see guys wear that all the time.

Stephanie:  Well, maybe some would match.  But yours definitely don't.

CB:  Oh, why?  No, these clothes match.  I even asked my wife before I left and she said they do.  (I almost always have my wife do a spot check for me, just to make sure.)

Stephanie:  Well, they don't.  Sorry.

CB:  What makes you an expert on what matches and what doesn't?

Stephanie:  I just got a job at American Eagle last week.  Plus, someday I want to create my own clothing line.

CB: Fine, fine.  But lets ask some of the girl teachers in the room... (Calling over to another teacher.)  LISA - LISA - Do I match?

Lisa: (Halfheartedly and a bit confused.) Yeah, I'd say you pretty much match.

CB: SEE!  I told you!  I told you!

Stephanie:  I'm just saying, if I were you, I would not wear those pants with that shirt.  Sorry.

- 15 minutes pass - 

CB: What about yellow.  Can guys wear yellow?

Stephanie:  Um, yeah.

CB:  Oh sweet!  I can finally break out my yellow pants I've been saving.

Stephanie:  NO, NO.  I meant shirts.  NOT PANTS.  Yellow pants are not good.

CB: Oh.  Well I can't return them now.  Shop Ko won't take pants back that were on the clearance rack.

Stephanie : (Looking disgusted, totally believing me.) You got them at Shop Ko? 

CB: Yeah. Why?

Stephanie: (Looking down at her book, getting back to work.) No reason.

- 15 minutes pass - 

CB:  You know, I use to be the best dresser around.  They use to call me, "Abe, the babe."

Stephanie: (Laughing) You are not a babe.

CB: Ouch.  Thanks for that.  Well, I did say they USE to call me that... But I totally made that up.  No one has ever called me that.  Oh, and did I mention - ouch.

Stephanie:  Well, what I meant is that your wife probably thinks your a babe.

CB:  Yes, I don't know what is wrong with her eyesight either, but thanks for confirming it for me.

Stephanie: Sorry.

15 minutes pass, the hour is almost up.

CB: If I give you some money, will you buy me some American Eagle clothes that will match for me?

Stephanie:  No.

CB: Why not?  I thought you worked there?

Stephanie:  Yeah, I do, but I am not going to buy your clothes for you!

CB:  How hard could it be, I wear a 32 waist and a XL shirt.

Stephanie:  Well, it's not that I can't... It's just that I don't want to.  

CB: Oh, I see.  Hey, are you the girl that holds the key to the changing room?

Stephanie:  Sometimes.

CB: I thought so.

Stephanie: Why do you ask?

CB: No reason.


Kerianne said...

I think I may have seen you today on the 5:00 News. They were at Sylvan and it was about tutoring. I wouldn't have known it was you if you hadn't mentioned you might be on. You were in the background and you may have been wearing a gray striped shirt. I couldn't tell if you matched or not.

Cheeseboy said...

That was me kerianne! See everyone, I was not kidding! No need to write a book now, I am famous already. Thanks for noticing Kerianne!

Tammy said...

hahahahahaha! abe maybe you should take some styling tips from brandon and nathan. they both wear things that i don't think match but they are young and both of them insist they do.

and abe you were famous already because you've been on an rc willey commercial long before paige davis!

and one last thing . . . nathan calls you abe the babe!

sacdaddy said...

Way too funny. Nice post!