Thursday, July 3, 2008

My nose hair trimmer is the BEST!

  • Did you see that a pregnant man gave birth this week in Oregon?  A pregnant man?  That is one TLC "Baby Story" that I do not care to see.  However, that is one lamaze class I would have loved to be in.  

  • Bozo the Clown is dead at age 83.  I wonder how many clowns can fit in one of those clown coffins?

  • I carry wallet in my front pocket for comfort sake, but sometimes I feel like a goof pulling my wallet from my front pocket. I have been considering a move to my back pocket.  I hate the uneveness of the one sided wallet.  I have two solutions: 1) Purchase another wallet and split my wallet contents evenly between the two.  2) Find a pair of pants that have one large pocket in the middle of the back of the pants.  The pocket would have to be exactly the size of the wallet.  Any wiggle room could cause an accidental slippage into the butt crack.  

  • I own a nose hair clipper from the Sharper Image.  It works wonders on those long stragglers.  I have not had to use it for my ears yet, but I did test it out successfully on my unibrow.  The one thing I have not been able to figure out is - where do all the nose hair trimmings go?  I never see the clippings.  I have a couple of theories:  The nose hair trimmer is such a fine piece of machinery that it grinds the hair into such a fine dust that it is unable to be seen by the naked eye.  The hair dust then dissipates into the air and is eventually swept up into the evaporation portion of the water cycle.  My other theory is that the clippers are not really cutting my nose hair at all.  They are simply pushing the hair up further and further into my nasal cavity until eventually it will begin to grow the opposite direction and be visible in the back of my throat. 

  • I have an old gazelle in our basement.  The gazelle is an old infomercial product that I actually bought at Sears a while back.  It really does give you a good workout and I am drenched in sweat when I am done.  It also works wonders for an aching knee.  The gazelle is the best infomercial product I have ever purchased.  It is much better than the weight loss electric belt that electrocutes your belly every 10 seconds.  I am ashamed to admit it but yes, we really honestly did buy one of those.  I sat every night for a week with that piece of torture equipment strapped around my midsection.  I swear Cathi would giggle every time I would squeak out an "ouch"  about every 30 seconds or so.  We saw no results and I am still trying to grow back some of the the hair on my stomach.  Total weight loss = PLUS 2 lbs.


Lori said...

Just a word of advice - Be careful if you switch your wallet....I always carry my cell phone, money, credit cards, etc. in my back pocket...stuff easily falls out of there into the toilet when you go to the bathroom! Not Good!!!

Tammy said...

Abe didn't you know the "man" who gave birth in Oregon used to be a WOMAN! Sex change operation BUT "he" kept his womanly parts. So really, I don't consider that a man giving birth. On the other hand, if YOU did it, I would totally feel different and then would be the time to call the news :).

I see you deleted your comment on my blog regarding privates. Do you want to be anonymous?

I'm glad you put a picture of your Gazelle in this post because at first I thought you meant you had a dead Gazelle (antelope animal) in your basement and that would be yucky.

And I'd love to see you design some pants with one big butt pocket. Hmmm.

Tammy said...

It's time for some new polls :).

CaraDee said...

The pregnant Man is really a Woman who has taken testosterone and cut off her boobies. That is the full extent of her sex change. REALLY.

Also, I bought one of those ab-shockers on ebay a few years ago for $5. It was worth the entertainment value as we took turns shocking our tummies..Sometimes it would cramp up reeeeal bad.