Saturday, July 19, 2008

What might happen if Lincoln lost a tooth on Christmas Eve this year...

Tooth Fairy:  Who the heck are you?

Santa:  I'm Santa.  Who are you?

Tooth Fairy:  I am the Tooth Fairy.  

Santa: What the heck is a Tooth Fairy?

TF: I put money under kid's pillows for the teeth that they lose... Now what exactly are you doing?

S:  [mouth full] These cookies are delicious.  They just leave them for me.

TF: Who leaves them for you?  The kids?

S: Yeah, see the note that says, "To Santa". 

TF: Sonofa!  They don't leave me crap!  All I get are these disgusting teeth that fall out of their disgusting mouths.

S: They leave you their teeth?  Why do they do that?

TF:  It's all about the money with the kids nowadays.  It used to be that a quarter will do, but now they want at least a dollar!

S: If you hate it so bad, why don't you just quit?

TF:  Only one more year until I am fully invested.  Plus, they have the best dental insurance I have ever seen.

S:  Oh, I just have the elves do my dental work for me.

TF: Really?  I have been looking for new dentist.

S: Hey, try my guy, Dr. Leppezew.  Give me a call, I'll get you his number.  Here's my card:

TF: Hey, it says here that your name is really Tom Kliner.  Your no Santa!

S: Hey, I've been outsourced.  Santa can't do it all in one night.

TF:  I know what you mean!  But what scares me is that they might give my job to a guy from India named Rasheed.

S: Oh man, you need to talk to your union.  Hey want one of these cookies?

TF:  No sir.  They are larger than my entire body.

S: So how much did you leave the little stinker?

TF: One dollar - he is a pretty good kid - but I hear Rasheed is giving 5 bucks!

S: Oh brother.  You'll never keep up.  Well I left him some nice underoos and a basketball hoop.

TF: That's great.  Hey, how many more do you have tonight? 

S: 500,000 - My route is all of the Salt Lake Valley and Fresno.  And you?

TF: Last one.

S: Dang!  You get off easy.

TF: Christmas Eve is always a slow night.

S: I wish I could say the same.  

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