Friday, March 19, 2010

Silly first graders and their overwhelming fear of IDENTITY THEFT!

I narrowly escaped a First Grade identity theft CATASTROPHE today!

My illustrious, gifted and slobbery first grade class have been writing stories (for example, sometimes about a mysterious place known only as "The Wild") for a district wide "Talented Young Writers" competition. As part of this competition, they are required to write an "About the Author" page.

As I was attempting to explain what constitutes an About the Author page, the following conversation broke out between the class and I (Or should it be "myself and the class? Really, should I be allowed to teach grammar to young kids?!):

Girl: So you want us to put stuff about ourselves on here?

Mr. Cheeseboy: Yep. (Thinking: "Isn't that what we just talked about for the last half hour?)

Girl: Like what again?

Mr. Cheeseboy: We discussed that, Miss "girl student of unnamed distinction". You need to write your full name, where you live, how many brothers and sisters you have, things you like to do... stuff like that.

Girl: I know, but my mom said I should never give anyone my PERSONAL INFORMATION!

Mr. Cheeseboy: [laughing] You don't need to worry. No one will see these.

Girl: I thought you said that these were going to be in a contest?

Mr. Cheeseboy: They are. But you really don't need to worry. It will be okay.

Boy speaks up: Yeah, because my mom said you are only not supposed to give out information "in line".

Mr. Cheeseboy: In line?

Boy: Yeah, on the computer.

Mr. Cheeseboy: Well, you don't need to worry because these won't be on the computer.

Different Girl: Didn't you say that we would be typing them on the computer when we are done?

Mr. Cheeseboy: Yes, but we won't put them on the internet.

Different Boy: If it's on the computer, then it is on the internet.

Mr. Cheeseboy: Not really. But we don't need to worry about that because it is okay because we can trust the people that will be reading your stories.

First Girl: Do you know them?

Mr. Cheeseboy: No.

Girl: My mom says you are not supposed to trust strangers with your personal information. (She could not stop saying "personal information". Her mother must totally ingrained this in her brain.)

Mr. Cheeseboy: Yes, but I will be trusting them, not you. So don't worry.

Girl: Well, I don't want the strangers to see my personal information.

Mr. Cheeseboy: Well, just don't put anything REALLY important. Just write what kind of animal you like or your favorite color and stuff like that.

Girl: Is that stuff 'personal information'?

Mr. Cheeseboy: I'm going to say no, not really.

Girl: But my favorite animal... It IS IMPORTANT!

Mr. Cheeseboy: - sigh - [mixed with laughter] Well, what DO you want to put on your "About the Author" page?

Girl: Just my picture. Not my name or anything. So the strangers won't know who I am.

Mr. Cheeseboy: But they will know what you look like, right?

Girl: Well, in my picture, I will wear a brown wig. (She is blond)

Mr. Cheeseboy: Alright fine. Good plan.

The end. Identity theft narrowly escaped.

- phew -


Beth Zimmerman said...

Okay! That was hysterical! I'll probably see some cute little blonde in my imagination from now on ... every time someone asks for my personal information! :)

Anonymous said...

Tough crowd! Sixth graders argue the same way, they just use bigger words (sometimes).

Sarah said...

Love it. I could picture the scene perfectly. You must be an awesome teacher.

BTW, I love the St. Patricks rule from the last post as well-No pinching. My daughter (first grade) came home with a HUGE welt, from a pinch a boy gave her.

tammy said...

This has me laughing. So funny.

Tammy said...

This is my favorite post on "The blog O'Cheese"! Seriously Abe I cannot stop laughing and I've read it over and over! Maybe I shouldn't be laughing because it sounds like you're talking to me :).

Love it!!!

Carolee Hollenback said...

That is funny!

You sound like a pretty cool teacher!

Bless you!

Vagabond Teacher said...

I just found your blog and love this post! Even if she wasn't listening to your explanation about what they needed to do, at least she listened to her mother's warnings about the dangers of giving out personal information to strangers!

DeNae said...

Love it! And the next time I fill out a personal profile, I'm totally wearing a wig!

Cynthia said...

That is hilarious! Tammy sent me over to read this and I'm glad I came. Awesome post!

Anonymous said...

You know this will stick with her as well. I remember warnings my mother had for me back in those days - and she was afraid of many, many things.
She did have good reasoning skills!

Faythe said...

good reasoning skills! where were mine at that age?? I see a future politician in the making, beware!
hehheee... 'tis okay that I laugh, I found your nutritious site from your comment on Dogsmom , so I have to agree with her. Oh, I happen to notice you have a lot of Tammys' following you?
I hope it's not contagious. I am allowed to be sarcastic, since I am a mouse. I may be back to nibble some more on your blog O'cheese. be afraid, be very afraid!

I had to laugh about the pinching dogs on St. Pat's day, glad you straightened that fact out, as I mentioned it on my blog and never knew the roots, now I know they are roots of orange-ish dogs...

Faythe said...

Had no way to return your comment...
so I will reply here..

I totally agree with the doberman!! he likes pinching much more than the settler ;)

I think I'll follow along for awhile & see where you take me...
( only Irish on St. Paddy's day, darn....)

Cheeseboy said...

Thanks one and all. I tried to tell the other first grade teachers about this right after it happened, but it was all jumbled and I kept leaving stuff out. It was such a strange day... it felt like I was teaching on a funny farm.

@Joan - I could never teach 6th grade. I'd lose every argument.

@Sarah - I don't even want to think of all the kids in my classes that have gone home with pinching welts on St. Patties day.

Lisa Loo said...

First, of all, how do we handle the acquisition of my free cheese? I'm not comfortable putting my email address out in blogland, but I am perfectly okay with sending it in an email to a complete stranger.

Moving on...

This conversation sounds exactly like the ones I am forced to have with my own children every day! Gifted kids=brain freeze. You are a brave man to do this for a living.

Thirdly--I am so glad Tammy blogged about you! Thanx Tammy!

Fourthly (fourthly?) The St Pat's day post was funny but my daughter and I about peed our pants (individually, not collectively) over your "jewfro" leg hair and killer kat incident.

So glad to have found you!

Cheeseboy said...

Lisa - I will mail the cheese out bi-annually. Right now, I only have some old parmesan that has been in my fridge for a LONG time. But, I am afraid that if I put parmesan in an envelope and mail it out, the people opening might get the wrong idea.

NerdyRedneck Rob said...

The funniest part of all is that the student’s logic is impeccable! Pretty impressive for a 1st grader!

I predict that someday she will join the forces of nerddom and achieve high rank.

Abby said...

Absolutely hilarious. I love your class.

The nerd in me has to point out that it's "between the class and me." Also, "its" is possessive and "it's" is a contraction of "it" and "is." Because you are teaching grammar to our future and all.

Tracie Nall said...

"I will wear a brown wig"....I think I love this kid! Seriously how great is that!?

TisforTonya said...

too funny! her mom has trained her well...

just well enough to need a little therapy someday - but hey, at least her identity will be intact.