How to enjoy a weekend in Provo (for Florida State fans)

I am a man of little words tonight. However, I did come across this recent post on Cougarboard.com (via Utefans.net) that I found quite amusing. In it, the author gives advice to the Florida State fans coming to Provo to see the game on how to enjoy their stay in Provo. (I wish I would have come up with this, but I didn't) For the sarcasm impaired, please note that this post is loaded with it. Enjoy!

FLORIDA STATE FANS: I hope you have a great time here! Provo is one of the nicest cities in the country (voted #89 by one online site), and a GREAT place to watch college football. Here's some advice.

You'll fly into Salt Lake City, but if I were you I would stay in Provo where there is far less gangs and violence, and some great places to eat and shop. Trust me - you'll feel much safer in Provo and there's just as much to do. "Provo; where you don't have to be drunk to have a great time."

Lodging:
- Plenty to choose from, but I would seriously consider the Knights Inn on University. It's REALLY inexpensive ($29 - $39), and close to great eateries and shopping. There aren't a lot of frills, but the sheets are washed every day and it's mostly non-smoking. There's a pool that has a "No Swimming" sign, but they've never kicked me out, so bring your swim suit!
- There's a Hampton Inn close by but it's ridiculously expensive (over $90).

Shopping... lots to choose from:
- Orem and Provo have the 2 biggest malls in the entire county.
- University Mall is a little further out (10 minute drive), but it has an awesome treehouse and some really posh department stores like Macy's. There's also a Mr. Mac (famous in Utah for men's clothing...you can get a quality wool/poly 2-pant suit for $99 AND get free alterations).
- Provo Towne Centre is not far from campus and it has a Sears and a Dillards, as well as a FANTASTIC Kiddie Candids, and a high-priced movie theater.

Eating:
- You may have heard about a local favorite - "The Training Table" - which is a great suggestion.
- There's also a GREAT burger place 20 miles north in American Fork called Chadders...this is such great food it's often the talk of our board.
- We have a restaurant called Chili's, which is also a community favorite.
- I would also recommend Cafe Rio, which is quality fresh fast-food Mexican like you've NEVER tasted.
- Besides these there are the usual - Wendy's, McDonalds, Burger King, Taco Bell, etc.
- Whatever you choose, you can't go wrong in Provo!!

Entertainment:
- Orem has the best miniature golf in the valley (Trafalga), with both an indoor course and an outdoor course.
- Springville has a fantastic art museum with a Kincaid original.
- Many tourists like to "hike the Y", which offers a great view of the valley.
- There's the Monte L. Bean natural science museum on campus.
- If you ask around campus you can probably catch the infamous "tunnel singers" as they put on a free show of vocal awesomeness.
- Sundance is always a beautiful drive (about 30 minute drive), but VERY expensive.
- There's a dollar theater (Movies 8) that is both economical and fun (though it infuriates me to no end that movies are $1.50, yet they still refer to is as a "dollar theater").
- Temple Square in SLC is a "must see". It's 45 minutes from campus, but well worth the drive.

What to pack:
- Weather looks like it will be nice, but you'll probably want to bring a light jacket, as it cools down quite a bit this time of year in Provo. You shouldn't need anything heavier...jut plan on a t-shirt, jeans, and a braided belt.

Gameday:
- Get there early. Traffic is at the peak mid-way through the first quarter, so don't be late!
- Free parking just west of the stadium.
- Awesome tailgating all around LES.
- No alcohol or caffeine...don't even try to smuggle it in.

Hope you have a GREAT time.