Friday, May 8, 2009

Stuff I have learned lately

Here are a few things that I have learned lately, because I am a lifelong learner.

1. If you eat a handful of Wheat Things and then eat a ring of dried pineapple, your mouth tastes almost exactly like you have just eaten tuna fish.

2. There's never a cookie in Michael Scott's hand.

3. If you grow a beard for more than 5 days, everyone on the planet asks you nonstop when you are going to shave your beard.

4. If you have a dance off with a bunch of First Graders and you win, no one cares except you and the First Graders. (And even then, not all of the First Graders)

5. Once you get to 290 Facebook friends, it is nearly impossible to get to that magic 300, even if you ask people to be your friend that you may or may not have super-wedgied in high school.

6. Paula Abdul was addicted to painkillers. Randy is addicted to cheeseburgers. Simon is addicted to black tee shirts and Kara is addicted to Paula's old painkillers. It's all full circle on Idol. Also, not all blind guys that play the piano can sing, especially white blind guys that play the piano.

7. Never attempt to iron your pants while wearing them - especially if you wear plastic pants.

8. Mars might be the hottest planet in the solar system. Also, when taking a field trip to Clark Planetarium, be sure to find out what the hottest planet in the solar system is. It might be helpful when the kids ask you later.

9. Never trust people that wear giant glasses, especially with your collection of Neil Diamond CDs.

10. LaBron James is truly "king" and I can't wait until he smacks Kobe around in the finals. Also, I still hate Kobe.

11. Nose hair trimmers will not work on toe hair. (At least not well. I learned this out of 100% curiosity)

12. Some things are not meant to be laminated. Trust me.

1 comment:

Tammy said...

Abe, I did read this post when it was originally posted but it left me speechless . . . . or commentless. Sorry. I had a brain cramp and couldn't think of a single thing to reply!