Thursday, April 8, 2010

Men: Before you propose on a hot air balloon ride, think it through man. Think... it... through!

So... where did YOU get engaged?

(If you have never been engaged, pardon my uncouth, half-witted query)

Scouting the perfect engagement spot is quandary of every man and one man hath surpassed every man.

You see, I have this buddy that we shall call "Ty". We shall call him that because that is his name.

Ty put the rest of the world's men pathetic proposals to shame and got engaged in a hot air balloon. ("Hot air balloon" bolded for emphasis on the location of the proposal) Apparently, the deal needed sealing and the sealing needed to be done without ceilings. No woman can resist a hot air balloon proposal. It's like the Axe body sprays of proposals, but without the slimy residue and floozy, desperate girls. (Or maybe WITH the floozy girls, depending on the proposee)

However, the question I must ask is - what if she had said no? I've given this a lot of thought and the hot air balloon is the consummate proposal location UNLESS she says no. Then it becomes a bad idea; a harrowing, callous, cumbersome idea. (Use of thesaurus in full effect)

Here's how it COULD HAVE unfolded...

[Ty gets down on his knee]

Ty: So, I've been giving a lot of thought to our relationship...

Daphne: Oh no.

Ty: I love you.... (insert other sentimental BS a man would make up in order to score here)... Will you marry me?

Daphne: It's just that... I've been giving our relationship a lot of thought too.

Ty: Oh no.

Daphne: I just don't think we were meant for each other. It's not you, it's me.

Ty: So, what are you saying?

Daphne: I guess what I am saying is, no. No, I can't marry you.

Ty: Oh.

[2 minutes of awkward silence pass as they both stare out at the countryside]

Daphne: It's beautiful up here.

Ty [sarcastically]: Yep. Only cost me $300.00.

Daphne: Oh. I'm so sorry.

Ty: No, it's no biggie. I'd pay thousands to have my heart ripped out of my chest.

Daphne: Oh. I'm sorry.

Ty: Sorry doesn't put the $300 back in my wallet, does it?

[2 more minutes pass]

Ty: Did you see 'The Office' the other night?

Daphne: OH YEAH! The one where Andy hits the wall.

Ty: No, I think that was like 4 seasons ago.

Daphne: It was?

Ty: Yeah, pretty sure.

Daphne: Oh, I must have been watching a rerun.

Ty: Yeah, TNT is running reruns now.

Daphne: "TNT, where drama happens." [nervous laughter]

Ty: You're thinking of TBS.

Daphne: Oh, that's right.

[Two more silent minutes pass]

Ty [To balloon operator]: How long is this ride anyway?
Balloon man: You sign up for two hour ride.

Ty: Two hours? Really? Oh.

[Two more awkward minutes pass]

Ty: Could you just land it in that field over there?

Balloon man: Nah, not where de pickup zone is.

Ty: Can you just drop ME off in that field over there then?

Balloon man: No can do. We have a limited supply of balloon juice to keep us afloat.

Ty: You just made that up, didn't you?

Balloon man: Yep.

[Two more awkward, silent minutes]

Ty [To balloon man]: Has anyone ever fallen out of a balloon this high and survived?

Balloon man: Don't know.

Ty: Has anyone ever fallen out of a balloon at any height and survived?

Balloon man: You no like-a de ride? (Apparently the balloon man is Italian. And also from a bad Saturday Night Live skit)

Ty: - Sigh - No. The ride is fine. How much longer?

Balloon man: De ride dis only hour and a half longer.

Daphne: I'm so sorry.

Ty: [Head bent over the side, weeping]: It's not you, it's me.

Balloon man [laughing]: That's what she said!

Ty: [sniff] WHAT?

Balloon man: I wacha de Office last night too.

LESSON: Unless you are 100% positive she will say yes, never propose in a hot air balloon. This rule also goes for a submarine, cave tour and a jail cell.


Daphne A. Quist said...

Oh My Gosh! So, I was giggling so hard! What ever made you think of such an idea! I never thought about what a wreck that could have been! He had to be creative, I was NOT at all for something lame...lots of thought and a good chunk of change! He is so lucky I said YES! I didn't want an audiance but I still got was perfect!

Tammy said...

Hee Hee Hee! Funny! I'd never thought about what it might be like to be proposed to in a hot air balloon. I thought it was going to end tragically . . . you know . . . with a jump overboard while soarin' in the air.

I didn't get a proposal :(

Tgoette said...

Oh that was so funny! That would make one helluva funny short film. I didn't propose in a hot air balloon, but I was married in one, and I can totally see that happen! Great job! said...

You are one hilarious Cheeseboy! I laughed throughout this little ride (the paying thousands to have your heart ripped out, the SNL skit performer slash balloon operator..) Glad you didn't have to jump.

THANKS for the link on reducing the double chin! That was awesome. I've really gotta restrain myself from sending it. I'm mighty tempted.

xo and Smiles, Robyn

Kelly H-Y said...

Excellent point! Your dialogue is hilarious!

järnebrand said...

Funny. I am here from imbeingheldhostage. :)
I have been engaged since 1995, still not married. We got engaged in a kitchen. Maybe that's the reason I am still not married. :)
Loved your post. Will curiously check out more.

imbeingheldhostage said...

I'm here from Imbeingheldhostage too, she said some pretty awful things about you and I had to come check them out.
My husband proposed AFTER we determined whether we could pull off a wedding by December. Something was lost in the order of it all.
The best part is when he called his mother and the first thing out of her mouth was, "Can she still have children?" ouch.

Powdered Toast Man said...

First off, thanks for the comment cheeseboy (great name). Great post too. I got engaged recently and it simply in a hotel room but I did ponder the idea of doing it in a submarine. Funny stuff.

I'm following you now.

tammy said...

Hilarious! This should be an episode of The Office, you know with Michael being the one proposing.

My husband proposed in the jewelry store, with a new credit card that I may have filled out the app for and secretly had sent to him so he'd get the idea.

Queenie Jeannie said...

LOL! So funny!!!

Thank you for the daily giggles!!!

Pedaling said...


maybe all should save these kinds of adventures for the "after she says yes" celebration!

Bossy Betty said...

Very good advice! Hilarious post!

Green River High School said...

Oh goodness! That would have been terrible had it gone down like that. Thank goodness Daphne said YES. I really don't know if Ty would have survived the fall....EEk.

Lindsey Buck said...

So glad I'm not the person who will have to come up with a proposal. You also have to consider the issue some girls have with heights! I would probably black out from hyperventilation before any proposals could be made. This, however, would also be a hilarious story.

Kelly said...

Ahahaha! Love it! My husband proposed at sunset ontop of a beautiful hill that over looked the valley. There were many places to run and hide. lol.

but I said yes....obviously or I wouldn't call him my husband. ha I am a dork!

See Mom Smile said...

I would pay to see that. My hubby just decided to keep his proposal simple, in his VW Rabbit (be jealous) and spill fake wine on my dress. Very classy. But we are celebrating 20 years this month so I guess it worked.

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Ha ha ha... I had a friend who told me once that when her husband (yes they got married) first proposed she felt sick to her stomach and wanted to throw up because she wasn't sure.

My hubby proposed on the beach in FL. But he didn't plan it that way, He was down visiting my family and saw it as an open opportunity. Made me close my eyes while he wrote it in the sand.

Yea, he's romantic like that *cough* =)

Melinda said...

Hahaha Love it! And I think the conversation would go just like that no matter what too!

My husband proposed with a napkin. Yes truly, he had "Will you marry me?" printed on a napkin, so when I sat down to dinner it was sitting there. Technically he never even asked me, just sat there waggling his eyebrows and waiting for an answer. Dork.

I Wonder Wye said...

Wow. I do have two couple friends who were married in hot air balloons and went up immediately after saying their vows. As for me, it's something I want to do (the balloon -- I'm married..) Looking forward to seeing that future video from the inside of a dumpster.....

Kristina P. said...

There is a website that shows videos of marriage proposals gone wrong. Man, those are humiliating!

Beth Zimmerman said...

I shared this bit of wit and wisdom with my 20 year old son. :) Thanks, as usual, for the laughter!

Cheeseboy said...

@ Daphne (Quists) - This was a fun post to do. I never thought you would have said no to Ty, but I got thinking the other day... what if...

@ Tammy1 - Proposal or no proposal, Vegas is still a cool place to get married.

@ Tgotte - Thanks! That's cool about getting married in one. I bet the bridesmaids were pretty squished though.

@ Rawkn - Good luck with your double chin wacko guy.

@ Kelly H-Y - Dialog is my new middle name!

@ jarnebrand - Not a plain old kitchen... a kitchen of LOVE.

@ hostage - That was mighty kind of you to feature me on your blog. Your intro was superb too! Had me laughing pretty hard. Notice I added you as an imaginary friend on my blog list.

@ Powdered Toast - Cheese and Powdered Toast make a great combo I've heard. A simple hotel room? No, a hotel room of LOVE!

@ Tammy2 - Well, Ty and Michael are somewhat alike. And a jewelry store? Not subtle at all on your part.

@ Queenie - Daily giggles are better than the daily runs.

@ Pedaling - Agreed.

@ Bossy - Advice is my middle name. People ask me for it all the time. Fortunately, I have a giving heart.

@ Lyndsay - You know Ty. He has pretty resilient bones.

@ Lindzena - Men love it when their women hyperventilate. It provides more opportunity for mouth to mouth.

@ Kelly - Now that is what I'm talking about - sunset, romance, beauty. Hillside of LOVE!

@ Linda - 20 years! Awesome. Must have been the fake wine talking...

@ Serene - Oh man, we have a new winner! Sand writing, Florida Beach. Your man needs to be incarcerated for "Too much romance"

@ Melinda - So does your husband have a uni-brow?

@ I Wonder - The dumpster video seems to be approaching faster than I thought it would. Not having second thoughts though...

@ kristina - Not sure if that website sounds funny or depressing. Who would focus an entire blog on failed proposals. Oh wait...

@ Beth - Hopefully, your son is a better man for it.

Vagabond Teacher said...

Very funny! I love the guys who make big public proposals. Like on national television or at a ball game where everyone you know and don't know is watching. I'm waiting for the poor schmuck who gets turned down in THAT venue.

NerdyRedneck Rob said...

"So... where did YOU get engaged?"

Uh... at the abortion clinic right after the doctor said that due to complications she could not have an abortion.


Btw, that post was seriously funny!

Cheeseboy said...

@ Vegabond - Big public proposals are all the rage. At least at the NBA games I attend. Nothing like having a giant mascot do your dirty work for you.

@ Nerdy - I believe it was at an NBA game and a giant mascot did the dirty work for me.

Alittlesprite said...

Hi! I'm here from dbs' blog.
I'm sorry but I pictured the Balloon Man to have a mexican accent..
Hilarious stuff.
My Hubby proposed on the beach. Thankfully it was to me and luckily, I said yes. :)

BugginWord said...

Well crap. You're going to be adorable and funny and another damn blog I'm not going to be able to stop reading, aren't you? Remind me to yell at @dbs later.

Kimber Leszczuk. said...

My brother just proposed to his fiance at the zoo. I am thinking it is so if she had said no he could just throw himself in the alligator pit. LOL

Loved the post. Came here from the think.stew post where he gave you an award.

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