Bwahahaha!!! I used to be that kid :) Except I was the weird one that wanted to stay in class and not go home. Which leads me to say I was the jerk that got everyone else sick too. *Insert evil laugh here*
Grossest (guess that's a word) one was when a student threw up all over the teacher's desk (not mine thankgoodness). Reason being, teacher wouldn't listen to him when he was trying to get her attention about having to go to the bathroom. Instead she made him wait in line behind others at her desk for his turn. By the time it was his turn, well I think you know....
This is the one time I do not ever want your job. How do you keep going through the day after that? I STILL remember the kid in 3rd grade who threw up in their gym shoes that were tied to their desk. STILL remember that kid's name.
Oh my Lord. My hat's off to you, Abe. Other kids' puke-in-school incidents STILL haunt me from my own childhood (Jack: preschool. Stephen: first grade. Meghan-with-an-h: third grade. And I can picture them all with stomach-turning clarity.)
Poor little dudes. At the young age of 6, the gag reflex upon smelling or seeing someone else's vomit hasn't quite evolved in the same way as it has in older kids and adults, otherwise that janitor would probably have to bring in a fire hose to clean the floor. (I'm having visions of the blueberry pie vomit scene in Stand By Me.)- G
Oh, that's funny! It's so true that when a kid says they feel like they're going to throw up you just don't mess around with that. It's like if the oil light comes on in your car. You know it means something very very bad.
Seriously though, you never know if they're just fine or they're going to ralph all over the place, what a way to live! (Hey, where'd your "bad" post go?!)
I couldn't be a first grade teacher because of the vomit. It's bad enough when my own kids vomit, like the time my 3 year old came into my room in the middle of the night. She woke me up, said her tummy hurt and proceeded to vomit all over me. I hadn't even opened my second eye yet. She'd had spaghettios for dinner.
Whenever one of my students comes near me holding their stomach, I yell, "Run to the bathroom! Run! Run!" They catch on and soon I'm teaching a class of 3. Outstanding!!!
In our transitional kindergarten class, we've had some vomit incidents and they were usually on the floor. The janitor got REALLY upset and wondered why we couldn't teach our special ed kindergartner to get to the bathroom! Sounds like 1st graders are not much different!
I think kids learn to speak way too soon. Evolution effed that one up. I'd rather not play vomit Russian roulette. Just keep quiet about what migh tbe illness or might be boredom and puke when you have to, okay kids?
why is it that within the first week that school opens in fall 1 or more adults in the house hold with elementary students, always comes down with the flu or pneumonia?? that being asked... this vomit cycle happens EVERYwhere!ackk! we normal adults just don't have the "power" to call someone else to clean up the mess :( , it must come with the teaching certificates when you graduate, huh?
I had to scroll down so far do to your overwhelming paparazzi that I almost forgot was I was about to say!
I think a smart investment for 1st grade teachers is a trash can at every desk during snot season. And a small box of kleenex. Those little guys are GERM MAGNETS.
Sounds similar to 7th grade, but they make it to the garbage can in the corner or the restroom down the hall. I have yet to have a kid barf under his desk. (Watch---it'll happen this week just because I wrote this!)
I totally hear ya though. That barfy flu stuff spreads like wildfire and works it's way through the room.
Nothing like the smell of fresh puke wafting on the air. Although I don't know what's worse - that sawdust crap they throw on top of the puke to absorb it or the puke itself.
I have sympathy vomiting, so whenever a kid threw up at the public library, my boss KNEW not to call me to clean it up!
I taught mostly second, but you need a trashcan by the desk in there. Also forgot the kid who says they threw up, but accidentally flushed it so there is no evidence anywhere, but really I'm sick mr. phillips. no really.
That's an awesome chart! By the way, did I miss the Chinese food pick-up or are we still waiting? Your anxious readership is revved up to see this video!
61 comments:
So. I am a former 4th grade teacher. As soon as I SAW your post I began to retch. Bring me a stankn' trash can, call the custodian....and...UNCLE!!
It's only funny because it's true!
So, so true!
Very true! With four kids 7 and under, it's fun times when the dreaded stomach bug travels through our house!
One of the best things about being a teacher is the ability to call someone in to clean up vomit.
One of the best things about being a teacher is the ability to call someone in to clean up vomit.
maybe just believe them and go with it every time....just in case.
Bwahahaha!!! I used to be that kid :) Except I was the weird one that wanted to stay in class and not go home. Which leads me to say I was the jerk that got everyone else sick too. *Insert evil laugh here*
Grossest (guess that's a word) one was when a student threw up all over the teacher's desk (not mine thankgoodness). Reason being, teacher wouldn't listen to him when he was trying to get her attention about having to go to the bathroom. Instead she made him wait in line behind others at her desk for his turn. By the time it was his turn, well I think you know....
Ugh. that's WHY I don't teach 1st grade. I can only clean up my own kid's puke. and deal with their vomit...
but atlas that is true....
This is the one time I do not ever want your job. How do you keep going through the day after that? I STILL remember the kid in 3rd grade who threw up in their gym shoes that were tied to their desk. STILL remember that kid's name.
When I was a kid I always thought what a sucky job the custodian had, having to clean up puke all the time. I vowed to never be one.
Oh my Lord. My hat's off to you, Abe. Other kids' puke-in-school incidents STILL haunt me from my own childhood (Jack: preschool. Stephen: first grade. Meghan-with-an-h: third grade. And I can picture them all with stomach-turning clarity.)
I don't know how you do it. Honestly.
That is one vicious cycle! At least you didn't have to clean it up.
And the moral of the story - it sucks to b the janitor.
Cheers, Sausage...
I would like to hear this cycle read to me by David Attenborough...
Pearl
Poor little dudes. At the young age of 6, the gag reflex upon smelling or seeing someone else's vomit hasn't quite evolved in the same way as it has in older kids and adults, otherwise that janitor would probably have to bring in a fire hose to clean the floor. (I'm having visions of the blueberry pie vomit scene in Stand By Me.)- G
Been there, done that. ugh!
Nope, couldn't handle that!
Well.... I USED to want to be a teacher. Ha
I am all too used to that cycle with my own kids. Glad I am not a teacher.
Oh, that's funny! It's so true that when a kid says they feel like they're going to throw up you just don't mess around with that. It's like if the oil light comes on in your car. You know it means something very very bad.
Seriously though, you never know if they're just fine or they're going to ralph all over the place, what a way to live! (Hey, where'd your "bad" post go?!)
You teachers have too many unpleasantries in that little "other duties as assigned" clause.
xoRobyn
Condolences to the custodians, the teachers and the parents who have to clean barf. Another bad one is the bed spew at 2 a.m.
Once I decorated the hall on the way to the ladies room when I was a h.s. senior. Thank goodness everyone was in class at the time. Call the janitor!
Ah, yes. Life as a teacher must be peachy.
AH!! The joy of BLEH!! ;p
Oh yeah! Just because they are in first grade, it doesn't mean they aren't smart! Great post...
I couldn't be a first grade teacher because of the vomit. It's bad enough when my own kids vomit, like the time my 3 year old came into my room in the middle of the night. She woke me up, said her tummy hurt and proceeded to vomit all over me. I hadn't even opened my second eye yet. She'd had spaghettios for dinner.
Custodian? I wish.
I do not envy your position as a teach, even though, I'm sure you're FABULOUS! More than your job, I don't ENVY the custodians position. Blech!! LOL
You are my hero!! I wouldn't last one day. Thank you. Seriously.
You have captured this to a T. Scary. Very scary. True...but scary.
Whenever one of my students comes near me holding their stomach, I yell, "Run to the bathroom! Run! Run!" They catch on and soon I'm teaching a class of 3. Outstanding!!!
Oh, my gosh--I LOVE this chart. And not just because my first grader threw up on my feet last Thursday. Very funny.
Wendi
Do they still use sawdust to clean it up like the olden days?
I work at a school and have 3 kids of my own - SO true! Hope Disney was a blast and can't wait to see you in your Barney costume soon :-)
Seriously, I have been surrounded by vomit for what seems like an eternity. Make it stop!
This post is pure genius, and I just needed you to know.
In our transitional kindergarten class, we've had some vomit incidents and they were usually on the floor. The janitor got REALLY upset and wondered why we couldn't teach our special ed kindergartner to get to the bathroom! Sounds like 1st graders are not much different!
I think kids learn to speak way too soon. Evolution effed that one up. I'd rather not play vomit Russian roulette. Just keep quiet about what migh tbe illness or might be boredom and puke when you have to, okay kids?
Excellent graph!
And how often do you bring the "I'm gonna vomit" bug home? My deepest sympathies.
Sounds like my 18 year old!
You've been talking to my son's former teachers, haven't you?
why is it that within the first week that school opens in fall 1 or more adults in the house hold with elementary students, always comes down with the flu or pneumonia?? that being asked... this vomit cycle happens EVERYwhere!ackk!
we normal adults just don't have the "power" to call someone else to clean up the mess :( , it must come with the teaching certificates when you graduate, huh?
I had to scroll down so far do to your overwhelming paparazzi that I almost forgot was I was about to say!
I think a smart investment for 1st grade teachers is a trash can at every desk during snot season. And a small box of kleenex. Those little guys are GERM MAGNETS.
too true...
too stinkin' true...
too stinkin' oozin' slimin' blasted true.
Somebody grab the sawdust!!!!!
Luckily, that has not been one of my children.....yet...
Sounds similar to 7th grade, but they make it to the garbage can in the corner or the restroom down the hall. I have yet to have a kid barf under his desk. (Watch---it'll happen this week just because I wrote this!)
I totally hear ya though. That barfy flu stuff spreads like wildfire and works it's way through the room.
Time to (gulp) barf. :o/
Nothing like the smell of fresh puke wafting on the air. Although I don't know what's worse - that sawdust crap they throw on top of the puke to absorb it or the puke itself.
I have sympathy vomiting, so whenever a kid threw up at the public library, my boss KNEW not to call me to clean it up!
It's graphs like this that make me thankful I'm an accountant!! LOL
I taught mostly second, but you need a trashcan by the desk in there. Also forgot the kid who says they threw up, but accidentally flushed it so there is no evidence anywhere, but really I'm sick mr. phillips. no really.
That's an awesome chart! By the way, did I miss the Chinese food pick-up or are we still waiting? Your anxious readership is revved up to see this video!
Hahaha!!! I feel like I'm right in the cycle with you...and the sick kid. Feeling dizzy. Gotta go.
That looks much like the family of 5 kids vomit cycle.
Again, God Bless You!
I do love the smell of the saw dust stuff they cover vomit with!
Yep. It never, ever ends.
Last year a boy threw up ALL OVER a girl in my class. She was way less mortified than I would have been!
LOL! Glad to say we haven't had anything to do with this since October! hehe
And yet another reason why being a teacher would never work out for me.
Man, we have the same cycle in the 6th grade.
Did I mention that this post was brilliant?
Oh, and thanks for the shout-out. Thou art awesome.
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