A Creepy Love Letter From Prairie Dawn to The Count.

My Beloved, Sexy and Mathematically Inclined Count,

You probably don't know who I am.  Maybe you have seen me around?  My name is Prairie Dawn.  I am the girl that walks around the street with the high, pitchy voice.  Some guys (Grover*)  have told me it is cute.

You once included me in one of your counts when you were counting pink people.

Anyway, I am totally in love with you!  I know it sounds weird, but I have been reading and watching a lot of Twilight lately and I now know that vampires can be sensual and esoteric.    

I know you are totally too old for me, but isn't Edward like 4,000 years older than Bella or something? Surely, you would know...  I mean, you are so good with numbers.  I've always loved that about you.

My sweet, sweet Count - every time I think of you I get this strange feeling.  And no, it's not the usual strange feeling I get either. You know?  That feeling... that someone has their hand in your face, and is making you talk. I hate that.

I dreamt about you last night, Count. **You had your shirt off and your chest was glistening as you stood on top of Oscar's garbage can and counted pigeons.  You were breathtaking.

I hope you don't think I am creepy, but I have been watching you from my bedroom window for a few months now. I love the way you walk through the street and count Big Birds feathers and Mr. Snuffaluffagus's turds***.  And your laugh... "Ah ha ha ha"... it's intoxicating.  

I've weighed the pros and cons of falling in love with a vampire.  Sure, you might kill me and count my organs in your basement****, but it beats falling in love with a that sloppy pig, Cookie Monster.

By the way, if you want me, you best hurry.  Barkley the Dog***** has shown some interest in me recently and you should see the size of his six pack!  I mean, come on, I'm only human.

If you want me, I'll be sitting on the porch.  I'll be the one wearing the dress covering the hand going up my backside. 

Love, 

Prairie Dawn

PS: You know, I LOVE Bert and Ernie, but I will totally understand if you are, you know, like that.  I mean, to be honest, it wouldn't surprise me in the least.   After all, you do wear a monocle.

*Grover is only considered a "guy" on Sesame Street.  On any other street, he is considered a sissy.

**Another sentence that I doubt has ever been blogged in the history of blogging.

*** Snuffaluffagus's street turds are cleaned up daily by that creepy garbage man that carries Oscar around.

****Ironic because The Count actually HAS an organ in his basement that he uses to count!

*****Barkley the Dog was the closest character I could think of on Sesame Street related to a werewolf.