The world will not end in 2012 and I have proof.

The world (based on common knowledge, Mayan logistical analysis and research done by Hollywood moguls) is about to end! The year? 2012.

Hope I don't get too much ash in my hair.

Well, I guess I better break out my bucket list. I haven't crossed anything off since I made that majestic castle out of old bottles of vaseline and superglue. And people thought I was crazy.

Now, I hate to be the voice of reason, and this may be a first in that regard, but I'm sorry, the world is not going to end in 2012.

That did not feel right.

A quick aside - On tonight's Conan, the world's most underrated comic, Norm MacDonald explains why we should not be concerned about the earth ending in 2012... "I'm not really worried about the 2012 thing because here's the thing - The Mayans they were horrible predictors... Yeah, you see, they predicted the end of the world in 2012. Well, they are all dead."

The world can not end. So many things foretold have not come to pass; scripture prophesy states as much. I can prove that the world is not on the verge of ending. Consider the following:

• Vampires are not yet walking amongst us. (At least that we know)
  

• Windows 7 is actually an improvement.

• Al Gore has not yet died of sunstroke.

• George Bush III is not yet President.

• Sarah Palin is still protecting us from Russia.

• BYU has still not won a NCAA tournament game in modern times. Nor have they gone to a BCS bowl game.
  

• Adam Lambert still has not come out of the closet as a straight man.

• Thanks to a celebrity dancing show Donny and Marie are relevant again. Wait, hold on... I'm getting word that this is actually a sign of the rapture and that it has happened. - Ah Crap! -

• Redbox has not yet made their way into the foyers of Mormon churches.

• Women have not yet embraced HD and Oprah is still on the air.

There you have it, ample proof that the the world is not ending anytime soon. As it is written in the word, the world shall not end in 2012. 2013 maybe, but not 2012. It is written.