Cheeseboy's 2010 Christmas List

CHEESEBOY'S 2010 CHRISTMAS LIST

1. A tractor.  There's this country singer, I forget his name. Randy Stetson maybe?  But I think my wife really likes him.  Anyway, he sings this song -"She Thinks my Tractor's Sexy" - that I occasionally hear her listening to.  I'd like it if when she heard that song, she was thinking about me and not this Randy Stetson fella.

Sure, a tractor may take up two-thirds of our backyard, but it will totally be worth it when she comes home to see me sitting on it, sweaty and wearing a white tank top, "muscles" rippling in the wind.  Yeah, I think I want a tractor.

2. A rubber mallet.  When working with various materials, I like to use a hammering device that matches my personality. I see myself as "gentle, but firm with the ability to rebound."  When I use a metal mallet (or a wooden mallet), my personality doesn't shine like it does when a rubber mallet is held firm my hand.

Also, I do not have a rubber mallet.

3. A hedgehog. If I had a hedgehog - a friendly, well trained hedgehog that would ride on my shoulder - there is no way that anyone is going to mess with me.  Let's just say I was walking down the street and someone was thinking about mugging me.  I guarantee they are going to think twice about mugging me when they see a hedgehog on my shoulder.  I mean, think about it.  If you were looking for someone to mug and you see two guys walking down the street and one of them is wearing khakis and the other one has a friggen hedgehog riding on his shoulder, you are going to mug the guy wearing the khakis.

I think if I owned a hedgehog, I would really mess with the muggers and I would make tiny khakis and put them on my hedgehog!  Now that mugger really has to think twice!  "Hm, who should I mug?  The man wearing khakis or the man with the hedgehog on his shoulder that is wearing the khakis?  Clearly both these men have the class and potential to be carrying a large sum of money.  I am clearly stumped here."

4. A flying beret.  No, not a beret that flies. (Although that would be awesome.)  Rather, a beret to wear when I am taking an airplane.  Berets are the perfect headwear for flight travel.  In fact, I am surprised that some airlines do not provide paper berets for men to enjoy.  They could be perfectly tucked behind the barf bags, away from the In Flight magazines that have the advertisements for the nose hair trimmers and pretend rocks that hide keys.

Note: Paper berets provided in the seats of airline seats (behind the barf bag), is a trademarked Cheeseboy idea. Any trademark infringements will be prosecuted to the full extent of international law.




5. Squirrel Feet Earrings.