A sad tale about a man, his stomach and a disturbing episode of Oprah.

When I woke up this morning, my belly was flipping around like a dolphin on an underwater tire swing. I attempted to teach but after one hour of struggling with a group of six year olds, I felt as though my tummy was going to explode through my esophagus. I told my Principal and he arranged for the PE teacher to take my class for the rest of the day.

I was however, able to accomplish the following tasks during my day in the doldrums:

Slept for 3 hours.

Listened to sports talk radio for two hours in bed. Got to rehash the entire game over and over.

Watch part of Oprah's special on pleasing your man.

I started to feel a bit better and attempted to go to my second job. I was promptly sent home for looking to pale. I told my boss that I am just a very white person. I then attempted to dance for her to prove it. Dancing with an upset stomach is in no way a good idea. Besides, my boss is not white and she could see right through my pathetically lame whirlybirds.

I am not sure what is causing my stomach to squeal, but I can give you a rundown of the food I ate this past weekend:

Friday night: Crown Burger - Cheeseburger, fries - lots of fries, soda. While playing games that night - a messload of M&M's, candy bars and more soda.

Saturday - Turkey, mashed potatoes & gravy, sweet potatoes, cinnamon apples, salad, rolls, pie and a bunch of other stuff - and that was just BEFORE the game. That night I had a turkey sandwich and more M&M's.

Sunday - More turkey, a goober-load of clam chowder, three rice-crispee squares and a giant ice cream sunday.

I am not positive, but I have the feeling that my diet this past weekend has something to do with my tummy troubles.