Monday, November 3, 2008

A rundown of who I am going to vote for...

Tomorrow is the big day and again, I know you are all dying to know who I am going to cast my ballot for. I give you a rundown of who and what I will be voting for...

In the category of ugliest NBA player, I will be voting for Chris Kaman.

For Governor, I will either vote for the pro wrestler or the body builder guy. Which one is the incumbent?

In the category of “best pocket”, I think I am going to break party lines and go with the side pockets on my cargo shorts this year.

In the zoo thing, I think I will vote for whatever will get rid of that awful stench in the reptile building. Is that yes or no?

For county treasurer, I will vote for the person that is able to locate treasure.

In the county clerks race, my vote goes to whomever has the bigger and more powerful calculator.

As far as judges go, I don’t believe in judging others, so I am voting no on all of them. But by voting no, in a way I am judging the judges as inept at judging. Nope, I changed my mind, going with yes on them all.

I am voting no on the aviary, at least until they can prove to me that they do not have a single ostrich in custody. Oh, and there is still an aviary?

In the swimsuit competition, I will be voting Palin, but only after Chaney withdrew. This is one area, after all, that Palin does have more experience.

Not sure if sherif is in play this election cycle, but if it is, I am writing in whatever candidate believes we need more horse mounted patrol officers. I’d love to see a couple coppers trot down my street a time or two a month. Is that the proper name for these officers - “Mounted Patrol”? I always thought that a good way to drive more tourists to Lagoon would be to replace the “security” with miniature ponies with midget security guards riding on their backs. Of course they would need to wear giant badges on their chest so we would not confuse them with the other folks that normally go to Lagoon. Is there an initiative on Lagoon on the ballot? “Renew the Lagoon”?

In the “best rock band on the planet” category, I am definitely going with Coldplay. Which reminds me, I still need a ticket.

In “coolest person I know”, I am voting for whomever can provide me with a free ticket to Coldplay.

In the category of “biggest moron/twit on the planet that has some skill in football”, I am going with my gut on this one and punching my card for Austin Colly.

When I vote for worst commercial of all time, I will very eagerly vote for Sonic Drive In.

I am definitely voting Grandma for best banana bread. Love you Grandma!

Without a doubt, I want to vote out the schmo that came up with the idea for the Susan B. Anthony dollar. You try finding a soda machine that will accept one of those. I will vote for the man or woman that has a plan to equip soda machines with bigger holes. “Bigger holes for soda machines!” Now that is a platform I can get behind. In fact, if the guy that passed legislation for the Susan B. Anthony coin came out with new legislation for bigger soda machine money holes, I might just vote for that guy.

I know what you are thinking, “Just how big a hole do you need?” I prefer one that will allow me to throw a check into it. Better yet, how about a soda machine that will allow me to scan my credit card, or one that will allow me to trade like valued items? Not in the mood for a pack of gum, just throw it in the soda trade basket and out pops a A&W Cream Soda! Of course, it would only accept new, unwrapped items.

I am going to have to swallow my pride and vote for Zach Effron for “Most Adorable Teen-Queen of All Time.”

Finally, in the category of “President of the United States of America”, I am casting my vote for our next president; the ever hopeful, ever inspiring, ever patriotic, the “transformational” figure....President Barack Obama!


tim and brandi said...

Grandma's banana bread? She's made you banana bread? She never made me banana bread. Maybe you're talking about a different grandma. You better be talking about a different grandma.

Cheeseboy said...

Sorry Tim, I am talking Grandma Yospe here. She made it every time I was at the cabin at the same time as her. Did you ever go to the cabin with her?

The Quist's said...

As I just looked at the picture of Chris Kaman, I unfortunately noticed that me and him look a lot alike. If I grew out my balding hair, people may mistake us for brothers. I thought I'd let you know that my day was totally just ruined. THANKS! My self-esteem is seriously suffering now.


Cheeseboy said...

Tyler, you look nothing like Kaman, but I am not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing... probably a good thing.