Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The holidays remind us of the greatest gift ever given to mankind. (It's not what you think... It's just the gift card.)

I am a lazy bum.  I think that is why I am so into giving gift cards.  There are three benefits: No thought, very little action, and everyone loves getting a gift card.  

As a lazy person, gift cards are really the way to go.  However, the worst part of giving a gift card is actually going out and purchasing one.  I hate having to warm up the car, find my wallet and actually put on socks. 

I get so frustrated when I am forced to put on socks; you have to pull them up your legs and everything.  I wouldn't hate putting them on so much if there wasn't so much pulling and straightening.  You've got to make sure that seam is just right, otherwise at sometime during the day you have to take off your shoe and fix it, and that's even more work.  Sometimes your sock has one of those stretchy strings.  I hate those things!  You pull and pull and it keeps getting longer and longer.  Pretty soon you have a turniket cutting off the blood supply to your foot.  No thank you.  I think I will just stay in.

I have considered just ordering gift cards online, but I am too lazy to actually pull out my credit card.  I mean, pulling it out, making sure the numbers match, putting in that security code thing - that is a lot of work.  By the time my order goes through, I could already be at the closest Barnes and Noble. By the way, I have received a gift cards from Barnes and Noble before and I never know what to get.  I mean, I get all my books for free from a place called "the library".  I look and look and always end up getting 35 bookmarks and one of those adorable puppy calendars. 

One time I gave a very thoughtful gift card to someone - $20.00 to the Olive Garden.  The person was very gracious and he laughed when he gave me my $20.00 gift card to the Macaroni Grill. We wondered what the point of it all was and agreed that the next year we would simply swap $20.00 bills.  The following year, to make things extra special for him, I gave him ten 2 dollar bills.  He was overcome with joy and wept abundantly.  

I would love to get gift cards as a stocking stuffer.  As a matter of fact, I would love to get an entire stocking stuffed with just gift cards!  Gift cards are actually not that great a stocking stuffer, for the stuff-ER, because they are so small.  However, it is an excellent stocking stuffer for the stuff-EE.  If you are the stuff-ER then you might want to stick with oranges and deodorant.  Actually, the best stocking stuffer might actually be socks; a stocking full of socks.  They are bulky, cheap and most people need them.  I guess people without feet don't need them.  For these people, the best stocking stuffer might be leg warmers.

A recent study says that 60% of people are hoping to receive a gift card as a gift this season. I also read once that 20% of gift cards are never actually used.  I also read that 100% of gift cards are used by Cheeseboy.  I know you have also read that as well, because it is in the sentence you just read.  So if you are wondering what to get me for Christmas, I will give you three hints: 1) It's plastic 2) It rhymes with "lift hard" 3) It looks a lot like a library card, but it has a company logo on it, rather than a library name on it.  

I hate putting on socks. 


Ike said...

Did you know you can go to Smith's and buy like 30 different gift cards to different stores? That's the ultimate in lazy shopping.

If you want one so bad I guess I'll get you one - maybe to Bed Bath & Beyond or perhaps Victoria's Secret. Not all gift cards are created equal.

The Yospe's said...

Abe Abe Abe...

Where's your idea of the true spirit of Christmas? It's about putting thought into a gift... not giftcards

Cheeseboy said...

Jordan, I loved both the gift cards you gave to us last Christmas. Seriously, we used them both within like a month.

Tammy said...

Abe, IF I was getting you something for Christmas, I would absolutely get you a gift card!