Wednesday, August 6, 2008

If Neil Diamond were Mormon...

  • In our prayers, we would be thanking the Lord a whole heck of a lot more for the night time. 
  • Missionaries would be allowed one hour without their companion to be a solitary man.
  • We learn that in heaven we would wear blue jeans... forever.
  • We would be less judgmental towards our heavy brotheren.
  • Sacrament meeting greeters would greet each member with a "hello again!"
  • The Word of Wisdom would be more lenient towards that sweet red, red wine.
  • Old widows would no longer be brought any flowers of any kind.
  • Loving your neighbor would be served up cold, on the rocks even.
  • When graduating from the Young Women, the Bishop would announce, "Girl, you'll be a woman soon."
  • The name "Holly" would be considered holy.
  • Rhinestoned lined jackets in church are not only accepted, they are encouraged.


Tammy said...

At first glance I thought this was a morphed picture of Donny Osmond & Neil Diamond.

Tim said...

I just ate a delicious plum. You forgot the best part when every fast Sunday, everyone would have the opportunity to take the mic and proclaim that "I'm a believer."

Cheeseboy said...

Welcome back from Chicago Tim! Email me and tell me how it was. Which bands were the best.

I had a few ideas for I'm a believer, but they all came off as very sacrilegious, so thanks for contributing.

Esther said...

If Neil Diamond was a Mormon: And he was teaching Sunday School and an elderly man, hard of hearing asked him to repeat himself Neil would say: "Jesus is the Great 'I Am, I said'."

Cheeseboy said...

Congratulations Tim on the plum.