Thursday, August 28, 2008

The hiring interview of Henry the Octopus by the Wiggle family.

Many of you may not know that The Wiggles began as an Australian pop band, The Cockroaches.  When it became obvious that the band was clearly not going to be successful, the members decided to go an entirely new direction.  I have often wondered how a group of college chums made the jump from wannabe rock stars to singing infantile, irksome chanties.

  At one point the Wiggles added a character named Henry the Octopus to their show.  The following is a script of their first interview with Henry:  (Greg was suspiciously missing from the interview process.  It is believed he excused himself due to the fact that he hates seafood.)

Anthony:  NEXT!

Henry:  Hello, I am Henry the Octopus.  

Jeff:  What is it exactly that you do, Henry?

Henry:  I twirl around and sing.  When I twirl around, my legs spin around me like a tornado.  It's like nothing you've ever seen.  It's like a guy in an octopus costume that spins.  You don't see that every day.

Murray:  Do you dance?

Henry:  Mainly, I just twirl.  Do you want to see me twirl?  My legs spin and...

Jeff:  Yes, we've established that you twirl.  But can you do anything else?  For instance, can you drive a gigantic red car that goes "cho-cho chuga chuga, cho-cho chuga chuga"?

Henry:  No, but when I twirl, my legs go like everywhere and I maintain a smile on my face the entire time.  

Murray:  I think you are a bit much Henry.  I mean our target audience is looking for realistic sea creatures.  I think they are going to get tired of your twirling. 

Henry:  Well, what about that purple dinosaur, Dorothy?  She doesn't do squat.

Jeff:  Hey, Dorothy was a friend of a friend.  I owed him a favor.  Plus, we don't pay her.  She might not even be a real dinosaur.  I think she might be Barney's retarded cousin or something. We're looking into it.

Murray:  Have you had any experience battling evil pirates that have feathers for swords? 

Henry:  You have a pirate with a feathersword on your show??  I am starting to get a little uncomfortable here.  I mean, I can handle myself, but I feel so badly for that dog.  Do you have any idea what it is like to get a beating with a feathersword?  It stings like heck fire!

Jeff:  How are your six shooter, finger wagging dance skills?

Henry:  Not bad, if I had fingers.  I can spin or twirl really well though.  I am allergic to fruit salad though.  I hope that is not a problem.  I make up for it with my spinning and twirling.

Jeff:  Not a problem.  What are your feelings about sharing the spotlight with an overgrown dog named Wags?

Henry:  I like Wags.  Wags and I have a good working relationship.  We don't talk offstage, but we get along great.  Due to my 8 legs, I'll need a bigger dressing room than Wags.  I need extra room to practice all that twirling.  Does Wags twirl?  No?  Good, then yes, I'll need thatbig  dressing room.  

Jeff: Do you like hot potatoes?

Henry:  I hate hot potatoes and cold bananas.  I mainly eat things from the sea, like sea creatures and things. I'm from the sea.  I live in the sea.  I mean, my home is under the sea.

Murray:  Why are you purple?

Henry:  [Looking at his leg] I'm purple?  What are you trying to say?  Is this a racial thing?

Anthony:  Do you have any music experience?

Henry:  I direct an underwater brass band.

Anthony:  You're hired!  

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