Saturday, August 2, 2008

A few things I hate.


Three things have been really getting on my nerves lately and I thought that it was just about time that I blog about them.

1. If you are the first car in a left hand turn lane, you have a responsibility.  I don't know how many times I have been the 4th or 5th car in this lane, patiently waiting my turn.  The first car in the line is not paying attention when the arrow turns green.  Thus, I miss the light and I'm left fuming while I wait for the entire sequence of lights to turn before it is finally my turn again.

Look people, if you are #1 in any line, it is not a time to check your planner, change your iPod or even get a drink.  Your eyes need to be on the prize at all times. The line of 8 cars behind you are depending on you. Further, if you are #2 in line, it is your responsibility to wake their butts up with a gentle honk.  

2.  The cackling movie laugher.  Last night, approximately two rows behind us we had a very loud cackler.  With every joke, good or bad, she would screech and squeal like someone had just released 100 spiders all over her body.  It was funny at first, but got extremely old during the course of two hours.  I wonder how this woman's sense of humor got all out of whack.  Was she Bob Sagget's long lost daughter?  Was she forced to watch every episode of Police Academy 10 times as a child?  Perhaps she had a rare, dreaded disease in which mildly amusing jokes seem exceptionally ludicrous.  The disease also affects the vocal cords and causes a hyena like reaction when laughing.  

No matter what caused  this obnoxious cackling behind us, it needed to stop.   As we filed out of the theater, the slobbering laugh-a-thon was directly behind us.  She had the gumption to say, "I don't know why anyone else wasn't laughing."  [Oh brother.]  I was laughing;  it was just that she was laughing so hard that she wouldn't have been able to hear a blaring jackhammer if it was inside her eardrum.  

3. What is with all of these minivans and suburbans with the white stenciled decals of their family on the back window?  Is this just a Utah thing?  Excuse me if you have these on your back window, but these are so punishingly idiotic.  Nothing screams, "We are your stereotypically gigantic and unbelievably nerdy Mormon family" like your ten kid's stenciled across the back of your Dodge minivan.  I once even saw some with names below them like, "Alma, Moroni and Martin".  Ugh.  We know you are scrapbookers... We don't really need to see your pages on the back of your vehicle. 

(I am sure I am friends with somebody that has these, I just don't know who.  If you happen to have these on your car, please disregard this blog post.  If you have already read it, please pretend that you have not read it.  If you have a hard time letting things go, perhaps it is time we separate as friends anyway.)

6 comments:

Tammy said...

Gosh Abe, I was just thinking about getting those stencils on my "new" car! Maybe now I'll think twice :).

And I absolutely 100% agree about the light and car #1. Mike & I are opposite drivers. Today was the perfect example. We were approaching a stoplight that just turned yellow. He slowed down, I would have sped up. I wish more people would drive like me :).

Ike said...

Jana and I saw Batman today and a man in front of us answered his cell phone and had a 30 second conversation without even getting up. I hate people like that.

Lori said...

Abe...I would never put those stickers on my car...probably for the fact that with all of my kids it would take up the whole back window! However, I do king of think they are cute....it must be a girl thing!
Mike is a big laugh out loud person when we watch TV...I think things are funny, but I rarely laugh outloud. Annoying!!!
I'd have to agree...#1 most annoying thing however is those stupid, slow, "don't know where I'm going" drivers!

Cheeseboy said...

Yes Lori. I laugh out loud too, but there is a difference between a cackler and Mike's laugh for sure.

Tim said...

I hate these windows. It's like the SUV justification. Of course I've got to drive this big stupid thing, look how many kids I'm hauling around. And just in case you want to car jack me, here are all their names. Did I mention that all 8 start with "M"?

When we were in Nauvoo last week, we were in the visitor center watching some spiritual video about the saints when this older ladies cell phone when off. It took her 20 seconds to find the thing in her purse which of course didn't seem to bother her at all, so she answered it and proceeded to have a full conversation. How to you tell the sweet sisters, "Would you mind hanging up your %#@* phone so that I can feel the @%#!@&$ spirit?"

Cheeseboy said...

Wow, it is great to see that these comments have turned into a bash on one of my least favorite things - the cell phone! Keep it coming people.