Sunday, August 3, 2008

Hey longwinded speakers - take a graceful exit while you still can.

A friend of mine at church said that he was once in a ward that had a red light in the back of the chapel.  When speakers would go overtime or when a testimony would drag on indefinitely, the Bishop would push a button to brighten the light as a signal to wrap it up.

You all know my feelings about going into boring, sermon OT at church.  Nevertheless, during our meeting today I thought of a fantastic method of getting a marathoner off the pulpit.

We have all seen how the Oscars or the Emmys handle this type of unfortunate situation: Music interrupts the speaker and progressively gets louder and louder until their voice is inaudible.  Finally, a couple of beautiful women in long, flowing dresses accompany the offending party off the stage.  This would be perfect for our ward!  We wouldn't even need women, just a couple of Beehives in long, flowing dresses.  The Bishop could just nod to the organist that time was up and she could play softly at first.  The volume would increase ever so slightly until the speaker would have no choice but to sit down in shame.  I would be willing to volunteer our ward in a pilot program until the church decides to take this worldwide. 


Tammy said...

Hey Abe, why not just turn off the microphone?

Cheeseboy said...

Good idea Tammy. But I would certainly miss the fun and extravaganza with the music and Beehives.

CaraDee said...


Tim said...

I have nothing to add, since between you and Tammy, I think you've got it. Unfortunately, given the countless numbers of one sided conversations that I've endured with fellow parishioners, I have a feeling that most wouldn't even get what was going on and just keep talking.