Sunday, June 8, 2008

How to avoid getting the bird flu.

I am sitting her at home from church, with my sick son, Calder. I thought, as a public service, I would think of and list some ways to avoid the bird flu. It took me about 45 minutes to think of this list, so hopefully you will find this info helpful.

1. Wash your hands after touching a bird.
2.  Wash your hands after touching bird 
3. Teach your bird to cover it's beak when it coughs.
4. Do not share a soda with your bird.
5.  If seriously injured, only get a blood transfusion from your bird as a last resort.
6.  Never share needles with a bird.
7. Stay away from birds that look suspicious in nature.
8. Buy a BB Gun.
9. Wear a face shield when performing CPR on a bird.
10. As a general rule, rabid birds should be strictly avoided.
11. Wear a mask when visiting the aviary.
12. Only climb birdless trees.
13. Don't raise poultry in Southeast Asia.
14. Do not use your fingernails when scraping bird poo from your car.
15. Wash your bird daily in Hydrogen Peroxide.
16.  Only eat poultry that has been thoroughly cooked.  
17.  When feeding the birds, instead of buying the "tuppence" bags, buy the "two-pence" bags.  The disease infected birds only like the tuppence bags.
18.  Never chew food for your baby birds.
19. Birds at public pools should always wear swim diapers.
20. Use a hand sanitizer with at least 60% alcohol.
21. Your dress everyday should at least mimic that of a scarecrow.
22. Do not drink from a birdbath and do not allow your bird to drink from your bath.
23. Make a list of places that birds might be and avoid those places at all costs.
24. Become a anti-bird flu advocate and donate your time to the ABFLU.
25. Seal your windows and doors with duct tape so that birds can not somehow get in your house.  (They now sell clear duct tape!)
26. Help control the bird population: have your bird spayed or neutered.
27. Poison your bird feeders.
28. If you see a dead bird, don't touch it!
29. Dig a hole and live underground for awhile. 
30. Stop attending cock fights.
31. Do not trust people that look like birds but say they are not.
32. Don't do this:

1 comment:

The Yospe's said...

Abe, if you or your kids are sick, than let's just shoot for saturday for you to come help.