Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I wish someone had told me earlier...

I wish someone had told me earlier...

To never use a wet hand dryer in a public restroom.
To never mix bleach and ammonia .
That women sometimes leave scolding hot things on the bathroom vanity.
That Slurpees sometimes expand in the warmth.
That "Mall Cop" sucked.
That anything involving "free" and "Disney" is going to involve a 3+ hour wait.
That people from high school are much nicer when on Facebook ten years later.
That cotton underwear lasts longer than the silky stuff.
To always drop the match and run away when lighting the gas grill.
That burnt arm hair smells like putrid urine.
Never give your grandma an opportunity to talk about sex.
That Advil actually taste good for a second or two.
Most girls don't like dirty jokes.
That the Amish don't have electricity, except for their fences around their property.
To ignore everything Austin Colly says, ever.
Always go to the bathroom before a long run.
Never trust someone that says: Trust me, the water is warm! Trust me, the needle's not that big. Or - Trust me, I don't have rabies.


Tammy said...

Did you know my dad mixed two chemicals together and was on the verge of passing out when my mom found him?

It took me a second to get the wet hand dryer joke ;P

Traci said...

I tried! I tried to warn you about Mall Cop, but in a nice way... I guess I need to give a stronger warning than telling you guys that Lincoln will really like it.

Cheeseboy said...

Yes, I forgot you had warned me Traci. My bad.

brermomo said...

Here are a few of mine: I wish someone had told me earlier---

That wearing high heels in the first quarter of your life would give you excruciating pain for the last three quarters.

To stop clipping coupons.

That a masters degree would be essential in NY.

That Ethopian food is so delicious.

That life is just fine without contact lenses.

Cheeseboy said...

Those are great ones Aunt Margaret! I think they just opened an Ethiopian place here in SLC. I'll have to try it.