I wish someone had told me earlier...
To never use a wet hand dryer in a public restroom.
To never mix bleach and ammonia .
That women sometimes leave scolding hot things on the bathroom vanity.
That Slurpees sometimes expand in the warmth.
That "Mall Cop" sucked.
That anything involving "free" and "Disney" is going to involve a 3+ hour wait.
That people from high school are much nicer when on Facebook ten years later.
That cotton underwear lasts longer than the silky stuff.
To always drop the match and run away when lighting the gas grill.
That burnt arm hair smells like putrid urine.
Never give your grandma an opportunity to talk about sex.
That Advil actually taste good for a second or two.
Most girls don't like dirty jokes.
That the Amish don't have electricity, except for their fences around their property.
To ignore everything Austin Colly says, ever.
Always go to the bathroom before a long run.
Never trust someone that says: Trust me, the water is warm! Trust me, the needle's not that big. Or - Trust me, I don't have rabies.