Thursday, June 11, 2009

Cheeseboy's Seven Life Changing Moments #5 - Cheese Fries

I must have been all of 15 or so when I mom suggested she and I go get some lunch together. My mom was cool like that - every so often, she would up and take one or two, or all of her kids to lunch on a moments notice. She suggested a new place that she had just gone with a few friends. The place... The Training Table.

The great thing about the Training Table is that they combine take out and eat in into one marvelous entity. Here's the amazetic thing about it: You sit and order your food in a booth ON THE PHONE! So clever, so savvy, so un-ignorantly placed. What separates the burger men from the burger boys? A red phone hanging on the wall, that's what. That red phone means everything in this industry.

I was sure to order my $6.00 burger ($8.00 now due to cow inflation), but my mom grabbed the phone before I could order the fries. She calmly spoke into the receiver, "We'll have the cheese fries... with the ultimate dipping sauce."

Now, I am not sure if that is exactly how it happened, but that's the way I like to remember it.

I was frightened by the abrupt buzz the phone made when our order was ready. We retrieved our grub and sat down for food enjoyment of the highest order. While waiting, my mother informed me that these fries were special and they should not be taken lightly. Nevertheless, I was not prepared for what sat in the middle of our booth: a golden, deep fried load of sliced taters, suffocating under a cardio halting mound of perfectly placed cheddar cheese.

I am a firm believer that when you walk into a Training Table, a guardian cheese angel from on high sits firmly on your shoulder, ensuring that your drooling mouth is not left disappointed from lack of cheese fries. I call this angel, "Maverick" and he calls me "Iceman" and together we make a killer sloppy cheese-fries devouring gluttony team.

I'd like to take this opportunity to personally thank Maverick for all he has ever done for me. Besides assisting me slamming thousands of pounds of cheese fries down my gullet, he has ALSO helped me slurp away hundreds of ounces of ultimate dipping sauce. Maverick, I don't care what people say about John McCain, you are the real "Maverick". (Well, you and Tom Cruise)

As I ate my first plate of deluxe cheese fries, I was stupefied by their savory scrumptiousness. Every bite a taste sensation, every morsel a party in my mouth. The perfect combination of cheese, fry and dipping sauce. The burger became an afterthought. No, it was less than an afterthought - it was no thought at all. Sure, I still ate it, but only because Maverick told me to. But that day it was about one thing and one thing only: The irrationally delicious Training Table cheese fries. Cheese fries: I bow to your every whim.

Cheeseboy's Life Lessons for a Happy Life
Life Lesson #1 - The art of the dance. Lesson #2 - Run like the wind. Lesson #3 - Say or do anything for a laugh. Lesson #4 - Listen to a lot of REO Speedwagon and frequent the Little Caesars lobby to find true love. #5 - Eat cheese fries.

Sonofamonkey! I forgot to bedazzle this post!


Lori said...

Mmmmmm...Training Table! I don't know if I ever went there until after I was married. Strange how it escaped me all that time.

Now, however, I LOVE their dipping sauce. When I was pregnant, it was like my "ice cream and pickles"...I just HAD to have it! Yum, I'm hungry!

The Yospe's said...

Abe, you should put some google adsense ads on your page. I've made $3 so far. I bet you'd make more than i do because you have more people visiting.

Tammy said...

Great post on a great day because this is where we had lunch today and it was yummy!

Lori said...

It's funny, whenever we're talking about where to go eat these days...Training Table is always Brooklyn's first choice.

Cheeseboy said...

Jordan - I have tried adsense, but it kept advertising all these sites for horny women?! So I quit.

Lori, never take your kids to the Mayan. That's all our kids want to do now - and I don't feel like paying 15 bucks a person for crappy food.