Thursday, June 25, 2009

Why past fashion faux pas have made me a better person.

A few months ago, I purchased a sweet-A pair of camo shorts. They are not government issued, but they might as well have been. They have become my official uniform for the summer of '09. I can't stop wearing them. I've tried, really I have - but the camo has become one with my thighs. It's become like that flubber stuff from the Disney movie; except it does not help me a lick in basketball and it's camo colored.

At any rate, I been wondering if in ten years I will look back at my camo days and say, "WHAT WAS I THINKING?!" It has happened before. Here are some of my favorite unfortunate and embarrassing fashion statements I have made in the past:

1. The leather braided belt. Okay, I know I am not the only one that made this fashion faux pas. Thousands upon millions of guys were wearing these atrocities in the early 90's. Of course, a braided belt look was not complete if you did not tuck in the extra length, creating a sort of 90's style front tail.

2. The bolo tie. I loved the bolo tie. Simply wrap around the neck and slide. I actually owned several bolo ties - each one a treasure. When I was 13, I tended to lean toward wearing my favorite bolo tie - my prized possession - the Eagle Scout bolo tie! I wore it with pride.

3. Guess Jeans. I begged my mom for some Guess Jeans. I actually wanted Girbaud jeans, with the white tag on the fly, which I did finally receive at a later date. Guess jeans were the next best thing. My mom must have found a killer deal on a pair, because she bought me the ugliest jeans in the world. They were mostly blue but had white speckles throughout them. What made them even worse was their fluffy front that made them look exactly like mom jeans - white speckled mom jeans with a fluffy, frilly front. I could have cared less - they had the Guess insignia on the back and that's all that mattered.

4. My black Magic Johnson tee shirt with neon highlights and glitter sprinkles. This one is pretty self explanatory. In 8th grade, I wore this piece of work every chance I got. I am surprised that it didn't get me a single lady. Not even a phone number. Didn't they see the sprinkles?!

5. Last, but not least, my all time favorite item I am outing from my closet are my braided suspenders. No, wearing a braided belt was not enough. The braids needed to extend beyond the belt. The braids were calling to my shoulders and my shoulders welcomed them. Wearing the braided belt WITH the braided suspenders was like a weaved, leather boy-dream come true. I am not ashamed to say that there were a few Sundays that I combined the braided belt, the braided suspenders and the Eagle Scout bolo tie, all into one outfit. It was the ultimate trio of coolness and it was not to be ignored.


Traci said...

Okay, I can say this because these people don't read your blog... there is couple in our ward who are in their mid/late-forties. It is a second marriage for both, and they have adopted a little boy together, despite the fact that they have grandchildren the same age as their son. So, because they last raised children in the late 80's/early 90's, they dress their 2 year old that way-he has a braided leather belt, turtlenecks with button-up shirts over them, tapered cord pants... so sad. Sorry to take up so much space. I just thought you should know, all this stuff is still our there.

Tammy said...

Well, Nathan still has a braided belt and the reason is it's the only one I can find that I can customize to his body. I guess it doesn't matter if it's hiding in the closet because he won't wear it.

I LOVED Guess jeans and in fact I still have a pair from high school that are my "weight loss goal pants". They even have the lovely zippers at the ankle. But, I don't remember many guyess wearing Guess.

gretta said...

another great fashion faux pas was the mood changing T shirts that mainly changed around your armpits and anywhere that got a little hot on your body. You ended up looking as sweaty a 400lb man in the middle of a Las Vegas summer even if you were dry as a bone.

Cheeseboy said...

Traci - That is just wrong and sad. (But funny)

Tammy - That is just wrong and sad.

Gretta - Those were just wrong and sad.

Lindsey V said...

As a teenager, me and my sister had my mom sew on a Guess tag onto some shorts. (I have no idea where we got the tag, maybe from some worn out pants.) She was like, that will REALLY make you like these pants more? And we were like, yeah.

I know, I know: wrong and sad.

Cheeseboy said...

Lindsey- your comments are always funny.

No, not wrong and sad. Maybe a little sad, but not as sad as my fake cabbage patch kid.

CaraDee said...

My brother did the same thing with the guess tag. Only it was the girl colored tag, but he didn't know.

I wore my cowboy uncle's bolo tie for my 6th grade pictures. No, it was not a fad then, but I thought it was great. It was NOT.

Cheeseboy said...

Cara, two things: 1. I can't believe that people actually sewed on Guess logos onto their jeans! 2. Why didn't I think of that?

quinn and kristi said...

Abe! the camo shorts! quinn will be so happy to know that they got their own blog post since that is all we have seen you in since the beginning of summer

Cheeseboy said...

Quinn and Kristi - I was going to dedicate this post to you as Quinn is the only one brave enough to call me out on my wearing of the camo pants every single day.