Tuesday, September 16, 2008

My thoughts throughout the day on this, the 16th day of September.

7:00 AM - Holy stinking poop, is it only Tuesday?  I need more sleep.

7:04 AM - [Cathi turns on light.]  I hope the kids are good today.  Please Lord, make them good today.

7:40 AM - Why does Calder always open his mouth super wide to give me a kiss?  And why does Lincoln always pout his bottom lip like he has just been slugged in the mouth?  Who taught these boys to kiss?  When they get to be 16, I should warn them not to expect the first girl they kiss to like them much longer after it.  Actually, Calder's open mouthed method may actually prove beneficial while dating.

7:55 [Getting out of the car.]  Did I really just drive to work?  I don't remember a single thing about the commute.  My mind was on total autopilot.  Very strange.  Almost Twilight Zone-ish.

8:30 - Oh boy, here they come!  Break open the floodgates of panic, someone is already crying.

8:45 - I swear I said, "Come over to the rug." at least 6 times.  Why is there a kid behind the bookshelves, one in the wet area and one wearing his coat as pants?"

10:25 - [Recess.]  We have GOT to make a new rule... NO picking up dead birds at recess with your bear hands and chasing girls with it!  There should be absolutely NO exceptions to this rule.

10:30 - I hope this kid brought an extra pack of fish crackers for the teacher.

11:00 - Who in the world is farting that horrible stench?  I wonder if one of the kids pooped their pants.  No, that's not poop scent, that is pure 6 year old fart.  

12:30 - Maybe the 9th time we line up for lunch today, no one will push, shove, butt in line or complain about someone else butting in line.

12:32 - Maybe the 12th time??

12:35 - Those are the nastiest looking teriyaki beef sticks I have ever seen.  I wonder what 3rd world country's domesticated animal that meat comes from.

12:40 - I really don't want to pry open another 4 ounce box of milk for ANYONE.

1:35 - Who is creating that repugnant, gaseous smell?  I didn't know 6 year olds could smell that putrid.

2:00 - Time to "opera man" sing EVERYTHING I say to the kids.

2:05 - Haha, I am funny.  The kids are still laughing at my angelic operetta-like voice.  I've got to do this more often.

2:15 - This joke is officially old.  I can't keep this up forever, even though they want me to.

2:30 - 1/2 hour to go.  I've got it - Heads up 7 up!

2:36 - 6 year olds are the biggest cheaters ever at Heads up 7 up.  That kid didn't even have his head down!  I'm calling him on it.

[Next time he has his head down, I touch his thumb.  I never touch thumbs.  When he lifts his head up, he immediately guesses "MR YOSPE!"  I ask him how he knew I touched his thumb.  Knowing he was caught in a lie, he responds, "Your thumb is heavier than the kids."  Okay, whatever.]

3:05 - I am just going to sit here on this chair and stare at that wall for awhile.  

3:15 - Yep, this is nice.

3:45 [Home now.]  What do you mean you just turned the key and our entire lock just fell off the door?

3:46 - Does Costco sell door locks?

4:15 - [At the Stake Center.]  At the time, signing up to give blood sounded like a good idea.

4:35- Why in the world is this dork taking my blood talking to me about making bird houses?

4:45 - I wonder if they will let me keep this squeezy thing if I simply ask them?

5:00 - What color arm band?  What color arm band?  Is there any choice that is more important in life?  I wonder if they have one with a Star of David so I can honor my ancestors.

5:30 - [At Home Depot] Why is it that every time I pull out a shopping cart, I get 5 more with it? Are they all connected by some giant magnet? I don't need five connected shopping carts, I simply need one with working wheels.  

5:35 - Which of these 97 aisles has door locks on it?

5:55 - Who would have guessed it was aisle 91?

6:30 - If putting on a new door lock is difficult without instructions, then you may refer to me as the "smartest man alive."  

6:31 - I wonder which kid had that rancid gas today.

So, tell me everyone, how was your day?


Tammy said...

My day was good . . . thanks for asking. Except that Nathan got off the bus and said he was put into time out 2 times today. Does that mean his teacher thinks he's a horrible kid? And is it more horrible that he was in time out with his girlfriend? And her friend?

You know you're a great teacher when you're playing Heads Up 7 Up. That always made my day!

Cheeseboy said...

Hmm, twice in one day is a bit. I might encourage him to make some new friends. And of course your day was good, it was your birthday.

Tammy said...

I've been trying to encourage him to make new friends but what can I do? He's in love! And his best friend (who is a boy in another class) kicked Nathan's girlfriend two times today. Maybe it was just a bad school day. Honestly Abe I don't know how you do it 5 days a week!

And thanks for the birthday wish on my blog :)