Wednesday, September 3, 2008

An excerpt from the diary of Mr. Karl Malone

I just so happened to be reading the Deseret News the other day when I came across this magnificent piece on Karl Malone.   It addresses what every Utahn with half a brain and an ounce of integrity wants an answer to:  Just what is Karl Malone doing with all his free time nowadays?  Actually, if it weren't for the statuesque statue standing outside the Delta... er... Energy Solutions Arena, I would have forgotten that Karl Malone had ever even existed.  Thank goodness they built that statue!  We would have forgotten.

My favorite quote in the article from Karl is, "I write.  I write in my journals things as I see them.  I not writing it to be published, but more for me and my family."  I am not sure if the author of this story meant this section to be humorous, but Karl's perfect grammar in the quote made me make an instant judgement that he would be a fine writer.  I was curious about what Karl might write in his daily journal and so I emailed his publicist.  Thinking I was actually a publisher, and admitting to lying about the "not writing it to be published" part of the story, he emailed me back a excerpt from Karl's journal.  Below is the passage that happened to drop into my lap...

March 8, 2008

Dear Diary,

Karl Malone again.  Karl Malone here.  Today Karl Malone help the Louisiana Tech basketball team lift weights.  It's something Karl Malone does to keep himself busy.  Karl Malone likes to give back to the community services.  It's Karl Malone way of saying thank you.

Karl Malone love to write in Karl Malone's diary.  Karl Malone thinks that it would be a big payday someday.  Karl Malone has unique understanding of the words of the England's language.   Since college, Karl Malone has done a complete 360 degrees in the working of words.  

Karl Malone's hand starts to hurt when Karl Malone writes.  Karl looks all through Louisiana for a computer to type words on, but Karl Malone can't find a computer in the entire state, not even the state of New Orleans!  

Karl still owns a car dealership in Utah.  Not sure how Karl Malone's Toyota cars stays in business this long?  It stayed open much longer than Karl Malone's LA Gear contract lasted.  

Karl Malone still not happy with Karl's current NBA contract.  If Karl Malone don't get deserveded money from ownership, Karl go to LA or maybe start a Karl Malone radio show.  That way Karl Malone can complain about all of the money Karl Malone could be getting from LA Lakers.  Karl Malone needs to contact a Karl Malone accountant to see what kind of retirement contract Karl Malone signed with Utah Jazz.  Karl Malone got to do what Karl Malone got to do.

Someday, Karl Malone give this gift of journaling to his daughters for them to read about all his hunting and fishin'.  This is the best gift Karl Malone could give to his family.  Kay Malone say Karl Malone owed it to his family.  

Stupid Isiah Thomas is so stuipd.  

More tomorrow Diary.



CaraDee said...

I can't find an email address on your profile for the life of me.
Anyway, YES, you can sign to a dog. "Stop!" "No." "Get out!"
That's what we read anyway. And I fully expect her to be able to sign back....ha. Poor deaf baby.

And how do you know I'm not so devastated by all this that that joke crushed my soul??? (I'm not and It didn't)

Cheeseboy said...

Yes, Caradee. I apologize for the bad taste in which my joke on your blog was in, if that makes any sense. I am glad your soul is intact.