Friday, September 12, 2008

Man v. Wild - Since when did life and death situations become so -yawn- boring?

I am watching Man v. Wild right now and I can tell that Bear Grills has run out of places to survive in.  This episode focusses on "the prairies of South Dakota".    I just watched 15 minutes of him walking through ten solid miles of field. Not quite as riveting as the time that he dove naked into a melted Alaskan glacier or ate a chunk of rotting zebra in Africa.  (Dove?  Doove?  Doved?  Isn't a dove a kind of bird?  I am so confused.)

In one pathetically clumsy episode this season, Bear attempts to get honey from a bee's hive.  He ends up getting stung right above the eye.  For the rest of the episode he plops around like the elephant man with a backpack.  His face completely swells up and he can hardly see.  That was actually quite entertaining.

Given that Bear has traversed through and excavated almost every corner of the world, he has limited himself to the surviving the mundane, unscathed, sleepy wilds of South Dakota.  In future seasons, I look forward to him "surviving" the following treacherous ranges:

1.  Spending the night under an I-15 underpass.
2.  Exploring the depths of "Hobbitville" (AKA - Allen Park)
3.  Finding his way out of a McDonalds Playplace.  Having to make a survival fire in tube #5 using the rubber on the bottom of his shoes his old belt buckle.
4.  Surviving a single day teaching the 6 year olds in my classroom.
5.  Finding himself a castaway on a Norwegian cruise line, unable to find a decent meal on the Ledo deck.  Fortunately, he is able to locate the glass elevator.
6.  Finding his way out of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride after Disneyland has closed down.  I can just imagine him wading through the waist high waters.

Just in case the producers have not considered these survival situations yet, I have emailed this list to them.  I think we all know that we can look forward to seeing at least a couple of these ideas used during the upcoming season. 

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