Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Giving blood with Mr. Needles and hoping that it goes to a dwarfish orphan in need.

As I referenced yesterday in my timeline of fun, I gave blood.  I had the geek of geeks sticking me with needles and telling me about the many bird houses he had built in his backyard.  This schmo was also a bit meddlesome, inquiring about every aspect of my life.  

While he was looking my questionnaire that details every disease I have ever had, he asked me, "It says you take Prevacid.  What is that for?"  Picking up on the fact that this guy was a total nitwit, I responded, much to his horror, "It's actually for my hemorrhoids."  He turned white and looked like he had actually given too much blood.  

Yes, I actually did say that and yes, I did tell him it was a joke and Prevacid is really for acid reflux. Unfortunately, my joke had unintended consequences in that it gave Mr. Needle a green light to joke away.

When he poked me with the needle and got the blood flowing he asked, "How does that feel on a scale of 1 - 10?".  I said "fine" and he replied, "So, like a 6?"  He followed that up with, "How annoying am I being on a scale from 1- 10?"

I always feel like a hero when I give blood.  I like to think that my blood always goes to poor orphans that have been abandoned by orphanages, or at the very least just regular orphans.  I like to think of the orphan I saved lying in bed, thanking God for the man that donated blood.

Of course, it has crossed my mind that my blood might have been used in a drunken, dirty, BYU fan, thieving, manslaughtering, bad breathed, tick filled, hobo.  If that is indeed the case, then my only hope is that the hobo was once a orphan.  Then I would feel a lot better about it.


Lori said...

At least the guy had a sense of humor. He could have done the opposite and been irritated at you for joking around resulting in faked missed veins and extra pokes in the arm.

emma said...

This post does not make you sound like the generous kind and thoughtful person that you are--"dwarfish orphan in need?" That sounds very kind hearted.
Love, Mother

Tammy said...

Agree with Lori!

When I worked at the hospital I donated blood. I have A negative and often they would run low so they would call out over the loudspeaker. One day they decided to send a note in the mail asking if I'd donate platelets. I did it once and decided it wasn't for me. They followed that donation up with a second letter thanking me for my donation and telling me it was helping the cancer children at Primary Children's.

So if you aren't helping the dwarfish orphan in need, maybe you'll sleep better knowing you're helping a sick little child here in your own home state :)

Tammy said...

And I'm a little surprised you donated at all since you're a hypochondriac! Just imagine the disease you could get!