Monday, July 19, 2010

What their first grade teachers told them...

Neil Diamond's first grade teacher:
"Neil, you don't bring me apples anymore."

Robin William's first grade teacher:
"SLOW DOWN.  I don't understand a thing your saying."

Carrot Top's first grade teacher:
"You're NOT FUNNY, little girl!"

Kathie Lee Gifford:
"Why does your juice box smells a lot like wine?"

Mark McGuire:
"We DO NOT play with needles in class Mark."

Mel Gibson:
Mel, be nice to the girls.

Lindsay Lohan:
"Sniffing the glue like that is not good for you Lindsay."

The cast of Jersey Shore:
"The brown markers are for drawing, not for drawing on your skin."

Tim Burton:
"I think I am going to have a Psychologist look at these pictures."

The Biggest Loser's Jilian:
"You can't yell at him just because he's fat Jilian!"

Karl Malone:
"Okay Karl, when you talk about yourself, you say "I", not "Karl".

O.J. Simpson:
"Now WHERE is your other glove?  Did you leave it at recess again?"

Tom Cruise:
"I don't care how cute she is, there will be no more jumping on your desk!"

John Gosselin:
"What's with all the tears, John?"

Miss Piggy:
"You look an awful lot like a pig."

John Edwards:
"Keep your eyes on your own paper, John."

Glenn Beck:
"Glen, will you please just leave Ramirez alone?"

63 comments:

Copyboy said...

John Edwards and Carrot Top are my faves!!!!

One Cluttered Brain said...

what? what?
Am i first?
YAY!

Loved Carrot Top and Carrot top's words of wisdom from their first grade teacher...
LOL!
Thanks for posting this!

blueviolet said...

Jersey Shore...lol. Some of these could be true!

One Cluttered Brain said...

Ohh nuts! Someone beat me...
LOL.
Ahh well, TOP 5 comments are cool too...

Waiting on the Mcdonald land playland video....pretty please?

Kristina P. said...

Awesome. Love the OJ one.

Britney Spears' First Grade Teacher:

Yes, underwear is required in school.

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

Very, very good, Cheeseboy! Too bad none of them listened to their teachers - especially that Lindsay.
xoRobyn

Missy said...

These are great! Love the John Edwards!
Missy
http://is-it-just-me-missy.blogspot.com/

Gigi said...

Hilarious! Very funny!!!

MiMi said...

Bahahaha! Carrot Top! Ick!

baygirl32 said...

If only they had listened!

The Church Lady said...

Too funny, Cheeseboy. Loved them all!

sammy said...

haha the john edwards bit was the best!

i love random lists

Ally said...

omg lindsay and carrot top! ha ha! these are great!

Joann Mannix said...

Andy Dick's first grade teacher: I've been teaching a lifetime and I've never had a child as disturbing as you, young man. One word--therapy.

This was fabulous stuff. My favorite, Carrot Top. What is wrong with that clown freak?

DeNae said...

Carrot Top lives in my town. I know. You're jealous.

Donda said...

Carrot top freaks me out...he's creepy like a creepy Geisha!

tammy said...

Do you ever look at your first grade students and totally imagine them as adults?

Hope Chella said...

Love this!!!!!!!!

Baby Sister said...

Hahahaha. Loved this!!!! Biggest Looser and Linsday were probably my favs...though it's hard to choose!

wendy said...

Oh man.....those are just WAY to funny.

wendy said...

oh, and don't be too hard on Karl
cause
Karl gotta do what Karl gotta do (I used to live in Utah, I KNOW Karl)

FabuLeslie said...

LOL! That was a great post! Love it! Now I'm gonna go read my comment so I can figure out what's not to get about it...

See Mom Smile said...

Bwahaha. And what did Cheesboy's teacher say to him? "Son, you make me crave a ham and cheese sandwhich."

And my teacher said "Linda, quit eating your lunch before lunchtime."

T said...

all funny... but what did YOUR first grade teacher used to tell you?

I mean, aside from a warning about eating paste.

Carrot Top is just freaky!

Cherie said...

Oh my gosh - Fun-neee! All SO true!
I bet you have had a few classics for some of your first graders too!

W.C.Camp said...

Typically your clever self. I bet you have recited similar phrases like these to your school classes huh? Cute stuff. W.C.Camp

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

LOL!!

I know a little story about one of the above named vegetable noggins.. it involves him in a certain central Fl and ... well he no longer can go there.

Kelley said...

Hahahaha!! This was such a good idea! I loved it.

Eric said...

Barack Obama:

Habari za asubuhi, darasa!

Krista said...

Funny stuff! I think you could come up with a part two. So many people could have learned a lot in first grade. Bill Clinton, for one.

Tammy said...

I love Karl Malone. That is so funny!

TS Hendrik said...

Jilian was the best. Funny stuff.

Saimi said...

You keep referring to my man Neil. Let me just tell you, he can bring me apples anytime!

Terresa said...

Hey, Carrot Top is a local hero here in Las Vegas. Be nice to HeR!! :)

Powdered Toast Man said...

Genius. I don't know where you get your ideas but I want to drink that juice.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Yes, Carrot Top was the best!

Kelly said...

Very funny! I liked the OJ Simpson one. Could you please explain the Glen Beck one? I don't like to watch him so I missed that one.

Kelly said...

Nevermind, YouTube answered my question.

ScoMan said...

These are all great except for the fact I'm pretty sure Tom Cruise was still into cute boys in the first grade, not cute girls.

He's still into cute boys now of course, but these days he pretends it's cute girls he likes.

Marlene said...

Who the hell is carrot top???? The things I learn here!!!!

FluffyChicky said...

*snort* The Carrot Top and Jersey Shore ones are the best.

First grade teachers obviously know their stuff. :)

natalee said...

LOL!!!!!!!!!!! LOVED THE LINDSEY LOHAN.. Now when I have to say that to one of my kids in the classIm gonna be like... O sh*!!!!!!

Garden of Egan said...

Hilariousness.

M-Cat said...

Love the Tim Burton one. He creeps me out a bit. Yeah, I think a pyschologist SHOULD take a look!

Bossy Betty said...

Very cute, Cheeseboy! I can tell your brain has had some time to come out and play this summer!

Melinda said...

Michael Jackson:

You HAVE to stop grabbing your crotch Michael! Please!

mintifresh said...

hahahahahahaha Seriously, dude! You're hilarious!

Pat said...

Very clever!

Just tell me this...were you the class clown?

Teachinfourth said...

Wow that photo along with your post is…creepy.

skcoe said...

Hee, hee...other glove.

Ash said...

you should get this published like in a paper/net/book/whatever tickles your fancy coz this post is frigging hilarious! LOL

Mr. Stupid said...

This was hilarious. I wonder why Carrot Top turned from bad to worse. Lindsay's was my favorite.
Funny post, Cheeseboy!:)

Martha said...

Oh My!! First Grade teachers are certainly "insightful".

UnicycleRose said...

Okay, you are too creative, where do you come up with these topics? Don't stop...you got moxie!!

Sausage Fingers said...

Gotta love the "Don't yell at the fat kid" by Jillian. I just finished watching her show. Nice one cheese...

GrammyMouseTails said...

Rotflol... you were not in first grade with any of these people by any chance... so I cant use brown markers for a tan anymore??? I am stuff pasty white, wait, I can't sniff or eat paste!
I like some of the ones in the comments too esp @Melinda "Michael Jackson:
You HAVE to stop grabbing your crotch Michael! Please!" My answer... How do you think he kept his voice so high all those years!

Sadako said...

Heh. Are you sure that they just didn't ask the Jersey shore kids to stop sniffing the markers?

Marnie said...

These are priceless!! I love the photo. It looks like Carrot top has had some steriods and botox...uggh what a combo!

DEZMOND said...

I'm sure Miss Piggy performed some karate moves on that awful teacher of hers after she heard that horrible sentence.

Corrina Terry said...

LOVE it!!!! You've pegged pevery one of those famous people! The only one I think you missed (and would be quite funny) is Bill Clinton!!!!

The Crazy Baby Mama said...

brilliant. insightful. inspiring.

ha.

i especially enjoyed tim burton's.

Marla said...

Brilliant!

Lene said...

Seriously, what is up with Carrot Top? He is just scary.