Saturday, July 24, 2010

June 30, 2010: The day that the Twilight freaks unknowingly met the Utah freaks. A meeting of the lines.

The date was June 30, 2010.  Two long lines had formed in Salt Lake City, Utah: One for the premier of Twilight Eclipse, one to purchase season tickets to the University of Utah football games.  At one point, the lines intersected (not really, but go with me here), and mass confusion reigned.  At the intersecting point of the two lines, this conversation occurred:

- Well hello ladies! 

- [A group of girls, in unison] Hey guys!

- Ladies, we think it is so cool that your totally into this sort of thing.

- What are you talking about?  Aren't YOU guys embarrassed to be in this line?

- Embarrassed?  Heck no!  We live for this.  We do it every summer!

- You guys are cute.  We never see cute boys here.  You're not, you know...

- WHAT?! No, why would you even think that?  I mean Darius over there is, but we are cool with it.

- Oh, that's great!  So tell me boys, what team do you cheer for?

- Uh, duh!  Who do you THINK we cheer for?  We're all wearing red, right?

- Red?  Red? Oh, I see... the red represents the blood.  You must be for Edward?

- Oh, you mean the blood Eddie spills when he's in action?  Heck yeah we pull for him.  Have you seen how he runs people over?  He's got speed and the power!

- Yes he does!  And the grace too.  He's sparkly!

- Sparkly? [Shaking head] What?  Whatever.  Where are you girls hoping to sit then?

- We're good with anything but the front two rows!  They are the worst.

- WHAT?!  Are you girls crazy? The front row would be so sweet!

- No way!  It hurts my neck to sit up there.  Why would you guys want to sit all the way up front?

- Because you are SO CLOSE to all the action!  And the cheerleaders are like RIGHT THERE!

- Cheerleaders?  I've never noticed any cheerleaders.

- Well of course, that's because you are so focused on Eddie.

- Oh yeah, you're probably right.  I'll have to look for the cheerleaders. 

- Okay, whatever.  Hey are you girls going to sneak in any beer?

- Beer? What are you crazy?  They don't allow beer in there!  You guys sneak in beer?

- Well, we USED to. But the problem is that we have to pee the whole time and end up missing all the action.

- Tell me about it!  Girls hate when we have to go to the bathroom and miss stuff too.

- Well, get this girls: I hear they are installing flat screens above the urinals in the men's restrooms so we don't have to miss a thing! 

- Really?  That is so cool.  Men get all the perks.

- Yeah, well we're lucky we can even GET tickets this year thanks to Allen.

- Why?  What did Allen do?

- Last year, on opening night, he was so excited he got drunk and climbed down the seats and started streaking.

- No way!

- Yeah, an usher had to taze him and he was twitching and puking down there in front of everyone.

- Wow.

- I know.  But it's cool. They said we could buy tickets this year, but we had to leave Allen home.

- Well, at least he can wait for it to come out on video.

- No, he'll probably just watch it at home.

- Yeah, that's what I meant.

- Oh.  Exactly.

[Awkward silence]

- Can you boys believe what they charged for popcorn and a drink last year?

- I know!  Insane!  Five bucks for popcorn and four for a large Coke!

- How do they get off charging that much?  We girls were so ticked.

- Well, at least the money goes towards to the University of Utah and helps the athletic teams.

- IT DOES?!

- Yeah, you didn't know that?

- No, I thought the movie theaters got it.

- Movie theaters?!  Why would they... no, no.  It goes toward the Utes.

[Awkward Silence]

 - Well, it looks like the line is moving.  It was nice to meet you girls.

- Yeah, nice to meet you too.  Maybe we'll see you guys in there?

- Well, maybe, but probably not.

- Well, okay then.  AND GO TEAM EDWARD!

- Right on!  Go Eddie!  He's got to score in this one! He's got to score quickly and often.

- You guys are sick.

- That's right we are!  GO UTES!

50 comments:

Missy said...

You should have said, "A meeting of the minds." Crazed minds...

Melinda said...

That first picture is naughty! I don't like that word. Gross. :S Anyway, that was great, who knew those two subjects could create a conversation so seamlessly?!

Donda said...

THAT WAS GREAT!!!

MiMi said...

Hahaha! That's all I got.

Lindsay Blogs said...

That's hilarious! Love it!

Kristina P. said...

I think that if the Utes sparkled, they might win more.

T said...

Team Eddie!!! I'd probably watch more U of U football if there were a werewolf on the field.

and I mean besides the guy who just needs to shave.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

That was good!

W.C.Camp said...

As long as blood is drawn - the fans will ALWAYS come regardless of the 'sport'! W.C.C.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

ahh...i've missed you and your sense of humor!! Loved it!

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

GO GATORS! ( because its the only sports team I can say I really know)

ScoMan said...

This reminds me of something my friend said.. which I forget whether I have written it here before or not, but it's too valueable to miss, so I'll write it again...

Twilight is like soccer. People run around for two hours, nobody scores and it's billions of fans insist "You just don't understand"

Okay, so you were writing about American Football and not soccer.. but whatever.

Cruella Collett said...

BWUAHAHAHA! Reading this post actually made me feel better about wasting four hours of my life on those first two movies - otherwise I wouldn't have gotten all the references in this post. So YAY and thank you for making my life one regret shorter!

Gigi said...

that's pretty darn creative, I must say.

i don't get football, or Twilight.

Saimi said...

So let me get the straight, everyones on Edwards team...sweet!

Baby Sister said...

Hahahaha. That was hilarious!!

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

THings are pretty exciting in UT these days, between this intersect and the urine tube and all.
xoRobyn

Corrina Terry said...

I think you nailed it! HILARIOUS!!! Sounds to me like you've been reading or watching some Twilight though. That was inside information only chics would know!!! Ha ha! ;o)

Bossy Betty said...

I agree with Corrina! You seem to know a lot about Twilight....I'm just saying....

Hart Johnson said...

*snarfle* I am giving you an award for the find use of Misattribution in this little tale! EXCELLENT!

Writing Without Periods! said...

Great post. 400 followers and you'll wax your arm hair...can I follow more than once. Off to find you followers.
Mary

Tracie said...

LOL! I love the way your warped mind works. Why hasn't SNL hired you? This is better than most of the skits this season.

Joann Mannix said...

I would LOVE it if someone streaked across the movie theater and got tazed while I was watching a movie. Think about what great party conversation that would be!

I was at a hockey game this past year, and yes I know I know nothing about hockey, about any sports actually, but my friends were going and the pizza is really good there. As I was sitting there, trying not to be too bored, this chick walked up the center aisle very quickly with her mouth covered. Of course, she had to start vomiting right as she got to my step.

That's all I got. Just a vomit, hockey story.

Just SO said...

If this truly had happened would be the only thing that could make this post even better.

mintifresh said...

See? There is no difference between football fans and vampire fans! heehehehe

Jesson And Rey Ann said...

magnificent post,,,, love it!

tammy said...

I can totally see this happening.

Especially with Ute fans. ;P

Sugar said...

Go Utes! lol.
thank you for that, it was good stuff :)

Emmy said...

Love it! And well that is exactly how I imagine Ute fans. Go cougars! ;)

The Empress said...

you must've read the books,, you know WAY too much...

Dallen said...

Cheeseman ~ Can you believe i have still not seen Twilight. Or New Moon. Or Eclypse. ...and you don't consider yourself a Twilight freak do you? Hmmm....

natalee said...

LOL!!! LOL!!! LOVE Love Love it!!!

Garden of Egan said...

That is very hilarious.
Makes me sorry I'm not a Utah dweller.

Pat said...

This was hysterical! I loved it! I'm going to send it to my daughter, who is a Twilight fan! She'll enjoy it too!

DEZMOND said...

oh, when will TWILIGHT finally see its eclipse????

C'est La Vie said...

hahaha I completely agree with T 100%

Marlene said...

LOL!! Admit it - you're a closet Twilight fan! :)

Hutch said...

I would pay to be an observer of that line!

Cherie said...

That was very clever - As a Twilight fan I loved it!!

Karen said...

Why was it when I was reading that I was giving the girls a "valley girl accent??" I really need to get out more.

Powdered Toast Man said...

I was waiting for something to be inclined about the football or twilight. Great job Cheeseboy.

I'm jealous of your skills.

Tree said...

Sorry dude...I'm not a fan of either one. LOL Loved your "play by play" though. :)

M-Cat said...

Twilight freaks indeed. Great post

rebecca said...

I think if the Utes looked like these Twilight boys, the stadium would be filled with screaming girls!

tiburon said...

I would have MUCH rather been in the Utah ticket line.

For twice as long...

Sharda said...

The Twilight freaks and the Utah freaks get along very well, I think they should team up;)

jennifer said...

Brilliance!

jennifer said...

*ahem* And ROLL TIDE!

Marla said...

Seriously....how DOES your mind work?

Lene said...

I would much rather be in the Utes line. Heck I would rather be in the Cougs line than the the Twilight line.