Wednesday, July 14, 2010
The Great B.O. Experiment has finally ended - a recap.
A: They both have recently had a chupacabra found inside of them.
I tried to pull one out of my armpit last night, but the nasty little bugger wouldn't let go and now has set up a nesting zone. My chupacabra likes a place that is moist and smells like death to give birth to it's babies. (Although I am not really sure where the mating took place.)
Can I just say - and really, I am not asking your permission - that I am so insanely tired of writing about my body odor?! It really isn't all that fun a topic to blog about, although I am sure that it might be an interesting topic to read about. Or maybe not, I am not sure.
I am just glad that it is over with. Tomorrow, I plan on using the gel, the cream, the spray and then rolling around in baby powder. I am going to be so fresh and crisp, if I hugged Richard Simmons, he would actually look dry.
As it now stands, if we had a greasy contest, I think that I would edge out Richard Simmons by a pint or so. If we did actually hug, they would have to mop up the spot in which we stood. They would then have to drain that mop into a vacuum sealed plastic bag and mark it as hazardous waste.
What was I talking about again? Oh yes, the experiment. I learned 5 things:
1. Deodorant may not stop sweat or even make sweat smell like flowers, but it does make you feel like you are doing something and that feeling is worth it's weight in golden sweat drops.
2. Dreams about talking sticks of deodorant are downright disturbing but make for great blogging fodder.
3. Deodorant for the butt should be invented. (Butt not by me.)
4. My wife loves me.
5. Walking around a theme park all day long after not wearing deodorant for 6 straight days, and then sitting on a train with your two boys will make them pull faces like this: