Did I have questions for NBC regarding the Olympics? Oh, I had questions alright.

An actual email I just sent to NBC Olympics at NBColympicsfeedback@nbcuni.com.  I found the email address on this site welcoming questions about the Olympics.  Welcoming? They were practically BEGGING for questions. I promise to post any response I receive ASAP.

Hello NBC,

I noticed there was an email for Olympic questions.  I have some questions about the Olympics (as per the email on the website suggests). 

1. I understand that the Olympics are held every four years.  But what if you held them every 8 years instead and the winners could just get two medals instead of one?  For example, in the last Olympics, Michael Phelps would have won 26 medals instead of just 13!  Can you imagine the ratings?  In the years that there were supposed to be Olympics on, you could show a new A Team series or another show with Jilian yelling at more people.

2. The opening ceremonies are full of grace and extravaganza.  I love the fireworks.  What I would like to know is why can't there be fireworks shot off the roofs of every NBC affiliate nationwide?  It would really give us a better sense of the fireworks, instead of just watching them on TV.

3. In the equestrian events, why don't the horses get medals too? I don't think that this is fair.  I think they should get like a giant, horse-sized medal.  It doesn't have to be real gold or silver or anything, just something nice so the horse knows it's not one of the losers. Also, the horses should be on the podiums.

American horses should NOT be required to put their hoofs over their heart during the anthem.  That would definitely be animal cruelty as I am not even sure their hoofs can bend that way.

I'll ask my brother about that.  He's in the glue industry.

4. My high school gym teacher swore that Bob Costas was in the short lived TV show Bosom Buddies opposite Tom Hanks.  There is NO WAY that is true because Tom Hanks would never stoop so low to be in a SITCOM about cross-dressing men.  Perhaps you can clear this up for my teacher though? (If she is still alive.  She was like 63 and did a lot of hard living, meaning, she went to a lot of Lilith Fair concerts in the summertime.)

5. I'd really like to go to the 2010 winter Olympics in Canada, but I am concerned about security. By that time I am likely to have a mustache and a facial tattoo. (A small but visible sweat drop.  I was going to go with tear drop, but that seemed a little cliche.) 

Just so you know, my mustache will be well groomed.  I may or may not also be wearing an ankle bracelet, depending on how things go in the next couple weeks with my parole officer.

I am dating a lovely parole officer and to save on costs, when we get engaged we've decided to go with ankle bracelets instead of rings.  They'll be classy; mine will have a picture of her in a hidden locket.  She plans on getting one with an engraving of Edward on it.  (She's really big into Twilight right now.)

Anyway, I'd really like to see the speed skating because I hear those skaters go really fast.  It would be really fun to tie a sled behind them.  Hey, that could be a new sport? 

Well, I have to go NBC.  My girlfriend keeps telling me to, "GET OFF THE G.D. COMPUTER!"  She hates it when I spend too much time on here and not enough time putting white makeup on my face and gluing shiny scales on my chest. 

Thank you for your time and any response would be appreciated,

Abe
Raiser of Collies, Boat Repair
Murray, UT