Cheeseboy: A Brief History of my Lover and I.

I thought about writing about our Fourth of July parade today and how it winds through our town; a series of decorated advertisements for everything from Costco to senate candidates to the "Society for Teenage Girls on Floats Wearing Formal Gowns". (SFTGOFWFG)

I thought about writing about how today marks the 25th anniversary of the release of Back to the Future and how I celebrated by teasingly calling my oldest son "Biff" all day.  I even told him, "Why don't you make like a tree and get out of here?"

He has had a very confused day.

No, I decided to actually do a meme. I know, I know, I lied to you all when I said I don't do memes.  I am a lying liar that lies. My pants are on fire... 

My pants are on fire and the are hanging on a telephone wire.

No worries though, I have been watching in my underwear from my front window to make sure that the neighborhood children don't play underneath my burning pants and somehow get scorched by melting leather.  (I wear leather pants around patriotic holidays.  It's just something I do.)

However, I do worry about the neighbors seeing me in my front window, pantless, while watching the neighborhood kids play under burning leather britches hanging on a wire. I mean, who wouldn't worry about something like that?

Where was I?  Oh yes, the meme.

My friend over at Glamzon hosts a meme every Friday called the "Friday Confessional".  I have never participated, but decided to this week because the topic was "your lover" and "how you tricked her into marrying you".

I decided that many of my readers might be interested in hearing about Mrs. Cheesegirl.  (I think she would actually cringe being called that name, so readers that we actually know, please continue to refer to her by her first given name, which is "Brumhilda".)

So, off we go, into the wilds of the first ever Cheeseboy meme.  Please, keep your hands and arms in the confines of your laptop computers but hold on tight...

Question 1: How did you and your true love meet?

(FYI: From here on out, I am not going to refer to her as my "true love", although she most certainly is.  Using that term makes me feel all syrupy and shopworn inside.)

My wife and I grew up about three blocks away from each other.  We had gone to the same Elementary and High Schools, but she was a year younger than I.  We always knew each other, but did not become friends until I was 18 and had graduated and she was 17 and a senior in high school. 

The first time I remember having feelings for her was picking up a pizza at the local Little Caesars Pizza.  She walked in with her mom and I was blown away at how beautiful she had become.  I remarked to my buddy that she was the hottest girl I had ever seen.  (Although the exact phrasing at the time was probably something like, "DUDE! She is soooo hot!  Seriously, when did that happen?  She is like the hottest chick I have ever seen!)

Little Caesars had a way of bringing out the romantic in me.

Question 2: What is your favorite feature about your beloved?

(Ahem, FYI everyone... I will not be referring to her as my "beloved", although it was a great Toni Morrison novel.)

My wife is stunning.  I've said it before, but I constantly get comments from people I know and people I don't know about how attractive she is.  For the most part, it is flattering, although if I hear it from the same guy more than once, I start to get a little unnerved.

Being that she is a HAF (Highly Attractive Female.  Apparently, all the kids are saying it.), she has many great physical features to choose from:  She has superb, natural curly brown hair that also looks foxy when it is straightened. She is in great shape, but also has lavish curves.  However, I think her very best feature is her sublime dimples.

If my wife walks into a room and smiles, it is guaranteed to brighten the room at least two shades.  Fortunately, both of my sons inherited these amazing dimples from their mom.

Question 3: What is your favorite personality feature of your lover? 

My wife and I couldn't be more different.  We are opposites in almost every way imaginable:  She is an introvert, I am an extrovert. I am very right brained and creative; she is left brained and analytical.  She loves country, I love rock and roll. (Although we don't have that weird sibling sexual tension that Donny and Marie had.)  She hates attention, I crave it like pop rocks crave an open mouth.  I could go on and on...

So, the thing I think I love most about my wife is that she is so different than I.  Because we are so different, we make the perfect team.  Coupled together, we don't really have a weakness and I think that makes "us" pretty darned great.

That and she is also a Ute fan and graduate.

Question 4: When did you have your first kiss?

One of my first ever posts was one of my all time favorites, so I am not going to rehash it here.  However, you can read all about my first kiss with my wife here.

Question 5: What do they do that gets on your last nerve?

I've given this much thought as she really hardly ever gets on my nerves and we rarely, if ever argue.  Nevertheless, the question has been posed, so I shall answer.  2 things: Her shoes by the front door and.... She NEVER, and I mean NEVER loses an argument.

Like I said, we rarely, if ever argue, but when we do, she never loses.  I think her record in 12 years was 68-0.  The reason she wins all the time is that she is always right.

I said "was" 68-0.  I won my first argument the other night.  I thought it was going to be a glorious night. 68-1 started to feel real good..

And then it hit me...  I won.  Was that a good thing?  How must she be feeling?  I started to feel guilty.  The guilt began to run through my veins and out my toenails like neon lights.  I was overcome with guilt.  Winning began to feel awful.

It was a Catch-44 to be sure. (Catch-44 because I DOUBLED the 22, that is how much of a Catch-22 I was in.) 

Question 6: When did you know they were "the one"? 

In between that fateful day at Little Caesars and our first date, I was playing basketball with some older men in our church gym.  Brumhilda walked in dressed in a black skirt and white blouse.  She looked like a stinkin' movie star.  During a stoppage in play, I pointed her out and told my Bishop (who was also playing Point Guard.  Bishops run the point in our religion), "See that girl over there?  I am going to marry that girl someday!"

To this day, my wife does not believe that story.  I promise that is 100% true.  I'd like to say that this moment was the moment I knew she was "the one", but really it was only the beginning.

6 months later, I went gallivanting and frolicking for two years in Pennsylvania.  She patiently "waited" for me to return. (And by "waiting" I mean dating other guys and most likely - gasp - kissing them.  I really don't like to think about that time I was away from her.)

The real moment I knew she was "the one" was when I returned from Pennsylvania, stepped off the airplane and she stepped into my arms.  Without even talking to her, I knew the spark was still there.  I think she would say the same.

Question 7: What sets her apart from other girls I have dated in the past?

Okay, this is an easy one, because I was a total loser.  I had dated maybe 8 girls in my life and had never had a girlfriend.  I was completely awkward and nervous around girls.  For some reason, things changed with Brumhilda.  I was comfortable around her.  She laughed at my jokes.  (Other girls laughed at my jokes too, but only because I was an idiot.)

I mean, she REALLY laughed at my jokes. She laughed at me all the time and often I would bring her close to tears. (She still thinks I'm funny, but no longer laughs at me like this.  I think it is because she has me figured out now - what with her analytical brain and all.)

Perhaps THAT is the thing that was different: her laughing.  Even though she was the most beautiful girl I had ever dated or even considered dating, from the moment we met, when I was with her, I was completely at ease and felt I could be myself.

I still feel that way. 

So, there you have it.  A Cheeseboy history of love, AKA: the longest post I have ever done.  If you are still reading, I hope you are wiping the chick flick tears from your eyes, the same way you were after watching "The Notebook" or "Beverly Hills Ninja".