Saturday, December 6, 2008

We are off to Disneyland - The Fanny Pack Capital of the World!

**Editors note: For your enjoyment, sprinkled throughout this post you will find pictures of Fanny Pack Professionals, enjoying a day a various Disney Parks.  Your welcome, but thank me when I get home.

As the countdown timer on the right clearly testifies, the time has come to head to that most magical of magic places - no, not Austin Collie's bedroom.  The place of which I speak is Disneyland.  Home to Mickey, Goofy and those two strange, gay Tweedle guys from Alice in Wonderland.

I am very much looking forward to this trip for two reasons: Lincoln is tall enough to go on almost everything and Calder is old enough to finally "get it".  In fact, given Calder's unbelievable level of quirkyness, it will be very fun to see how he reacts to things.

It is difficult to explain this kid, Calder, if you are not around him all the time.  He has a peculiar way of talking and communicating.  He is an unfiltered, bounding show off and knows how to milk a laugh.  However, he is rarely over the top and generally knows his boundaries.  I find myself laughing at him almost nonstop, and the more he talks, the funnier he gets.  

One of Calder's favorite things to do is have you say words he just makes up.  He will do this nonstop for hours if you let him.  "Dad, say woo-goo".  I then say, "Woo-goo".  He then laughs and says, "Dad, say Co-POW".  "Co-POW!".  This game goes on and on and is only really entertaining to Calder.  But again, you really have to be around this kid for a long time, without the distraction of other kids to see just how hilariously quirky he can be.

As we depart for the warm weather and clean air... uh, okay, not really clean air - I made a list of things I am hoping to see at the Land of Enchantment:

1. An aged Tiki Room bird fall off it's perch and into the fountain.

2. A confused Japanese tourist mistakingly throwing a banana into the open jaws of a giant electronic hippo on the Jungle Cruise.

3. My face on the screen after every ride down Splash Mountain.  I make some pretty awesome faces... full of awesomeness.

4. The Bear Country Jamboree - I heard that they brought that back?  Is that true?  Nothing beats a mechanical bear pounding on a tambourine for the millionth time in it's career.  I often wondered as a child if those bears ever got tired of playing the same songs over and over, 365 days a year.

5. Some obese women wearing short shorts and a fanny pack.  I wonder what they keep in those fanny packs?  My guess is a camera, some feminine hygiene needs and two full rolls of rollo's.  And do people wear their fanny packs other places beside Disneyland?  It seems to me that Disneyland is the "Fanny Pack Capital of the World" and when people visit this magic place, they pull their fanny packs out of their closets that have been sitting around for years.  I mean, just check out the pictures I found with just a quick search.

You will not believe what I found!  The fanny pack of all fanny packs!  The fanny pack that you and your family will undoubtedly grow closer with - the ever amazing "Connectable Fanny Pack!"  

Can you imagine the possibilities with this fanny pack?  No more worrying about Dad sneaking off to go to the bathroom, no more fears of losing little Buck.  This is the answer to all our Disney problems.

Sure, there may be some minor tangling if you had too many fanny packs connected, but the end would definitely justify the means.  Plus, you could always just walk everywhere single file, carefully avoiding any potential tangles.  I mean, walking single file as a group throughout the park, with our fanny packs connected, would not at all be embarrassing or impractical.  Come on, what's more impractical, a lost kid or a few fanny pack tangles?  


Tammy said...

I would say I hope you enjoy your trip but it looks like I may be too late!!!!

My mom is a fanny pack wearer :)

Lori said...

Have fun guys!

And, Abe...I hope you're kidding about the Bear Country attraction being reopened. My Mom will be very disappointed if we missed that when we were there last month!

The McPheeters Clan said...

Ha ha Tam. I was going to say the same thing but you said it first. Have fun guys!!

Traci said...

Abe- I must comment about obese people wearing fanny packs. When we were there last month, it was like a fat people wearing fanny packs convention. There were four such people with us in the storybook boat- it was precariously close to capsizing in the front where they were sitting. After a day and a half, my sister-in-law finally dared to vocalize what we had both been thinking when she said "There sure are a lot of really....large people here." What's the connection? I don't know.

Gardner said...

Now I have to return your gifts for Christams. They were Disney Charcter fanny packs. We bought one for everyone in the fam! To bad now your getting nothing.

Cheeseboy said...

Traci, you are right on the money. That place is full of the obese. I think they gain weight just so they can skip the line, but I will be blogging about that another day.

Mel, Don't worry about returning the gift. I love fanny packs, I just haven't gained enough weight to make them stylish yet.

Tammy, I forgot that your mom is a fanny pack wearer. I hope she does not take offense to this as there are plenty of skinny fanny pack wearers.

Lori, Yes, I was kidding about that stupid Bear country thing. But Lori, you guys definitely missed out by skipping that new ride. We went on that thing like 6 times and would have gone more if it weren't for the line. It is addicting as heck.